AITA For Refusing To Go On The Last Family Vacation?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The sun sets over a rugged mountain trail, laughter echoing from a family hiking in the distance, but one member remains behind, wheels still in a quiet hotel room. For years, a wheelchair user has been sidelined during their family’s lavish outdoor vacations, their pleas for accessibility ignored. Frustration simmers as the family plans yet another hiking-heavy trip, billed as the “last” one. When the OP refuses to attend unless it’s accessible, accusations of ingratitude fly, splitting the family apart.

This tale of exclusion and defiance sparks a heated debate: is the OP wrong for standing their ground? The Reddit community weighs in, and the story unveils deeper questions about empathy, ableism, and family bonds. Let’s dive into this emotional rollercoaster, where hurt feelings and ignored needs collide.

‘AITA For Refusing To Go On The Last Family Vacation?’

I've been confirmed to a wheelchair almost my entire life though somehow my family has never noticed. Every year my grandfather takes the entire family on a luxury vacation in January. The problem is, these trips are always centered around outdoor activities that can't be navigated by a wheelchair.

As a kid who couldn't say no, I ended up sitting in the hotel room on most of these trips while everyone else went skiing, hiking etc. When I got old enough to ask for a vacation to an easier place to navigate like some cities I wanted to visit like NYC, Toronto, Vancouver etc.

My grandfather and uncles dismissed me out of hand because we 'spend so much time indoors when we're not on vacation, why go to a city to spend time inside buildings?'. So I just said f**k it I won't go anymore. I thought maybe my absence would help my family get the picture,

but they've now gone on the trip for years without me, sometimes even talking to me about certain hikes they did **as if I were there**. Usually they remember when I asked how I climbed the cave wall in the chair. So now grandpa says he's getting too old for these trips, so he's going to take the entire family to a far off place for yet another outdoorsy hiking trip.

I told him unless we go somewhere accessible to me that I'd be sitting it out. My grandfather called me ungrateful, and now my uncles are calling me up and jumping between guilting me skipping our 'last real trip as a family' and calling me an ungrateful s**t. I've called them all ableist assholes for how they treat me all these years and now the entire family has refused to speak to me except my parents. AITA?

Family vacations are meant to unite, but for this Reddit user, they’ve been a stark reminder of exclusion. The OP’s struggle highlights a clash between personal needs and family expectations, with ableism at the core. Their family’s dismissal of accessible destinations like vibrant cities reflects a deeper failure to prioritize inclusion.

This issue extends beyond one family. According to a 2020 report by the World Health Organization, over 1 billion people globally live with disabilities, yet accessible travel remains a challenge (who.int). Many destinations lack infrastructure, and attitudes—like those of the OP’s family—can exacerbate exclusion.

Dr. Amy McCart, an accessibility advocate, notes, “Inclusion starts with listening to disabled voices and adapting plans to ensure everyone can participate meaningfully” (accessibletravel.org). In the OP’s case, the family’s refusal to consider cities like Toronto or NYC dismisses their right to enjoy a vacation. Dr. McCart’s perspective underscores the need for empathy—something the OP’s family lacks by labeling them “ungrateful.”

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For solutions, the family could explore hybrid trips, blending outdoor activities with accessible urban excursions. Resources like Accessible Travel Online (https://www.accessibletravel.online) offer planning tools for inclusive vacations. Open dialogue, rather than guilt-tripping, could rebuild trust and ensure everyone feels valued.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s hot takes are in, and they’re as candid as a family argument at Thanksgiving! Here’s what the community had to say:

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MrPotato2753 − NTA you made it clear what you need, they couldn’t be bothered. Their problem.

[Reddit User] − NTA - This a sucky situation as your family sounds like a bunch of jerks. They see it as grandpa footing the bill for a vacation that everyone should be super grateful to attend, but it's not inclusive to everyone, so why are you required to go and be miserable?

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I find it odd that their complaint is about just 'sitting indoors' when that's literally what they leave you to do. Plus, there's a lot to do in cities, it seems like they're either ignorant, or just committed to do just the activities they prefer.. Don't feel guilty about not going.

comingtogetyoubabs − NTA - They are ableist. That they're not acknowledging it is bizarre. 'Hey, want to go on this outing where we'll do stuff and you'll be alone in some hotel because we prioritize our own activities over your well-being?'. Anyone would decline.

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mechantmechant − NTA— grateful for what!.? You’re supposed to be grateful for being dragged along to sit alone in a hotel? They’re totally being TA here, getting mad at you for asking to be included or at least acknowledged. It wouldn’t be strictly fair or equal,

but they could at least say, “OP didn’t get to hike the Alps but really wants to see Toronto. Let’s do a side trip there so they get to do something.” But instead they refuse to even acknowledge there’s any injustice. I’m sorry they’re so s**tty to you. Come to Toronto and I’ll show you the sights (but sadly, it’s not as accessible as it should be).

CheyBridgeMan − NTA. But a lot of the activities you mentioned actually are accessible if planned properly (if you are interested). I’ve taken a “wheelchair bound” friend skiing, several outdoor venues (like Yellowstone, Mt Rushmore), to the Tower in the Trees in Denmark, horseback riding, rafting, fishing...the list goes on.

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They’re assholes for not trying to accommodate at all and leaving you in a hotel room as a kid. As an adult though, you might be surprised that there are in fact some cool options at the destination they’re considering. Or you could recommend another more accommodating location. Or a split trip. Or...don’t go. Not the AH to just be done with it.

I do not have a disability but I quit going on group vacations with my exHusband’s family (25 people) because not only did they never attempt to incorporate anything I enjoyed, they’d flat or refuse any of my suggestions. So I started vacationing alone or with friends.

I like to hike, fish, hang by the beach, ski, visit museums, check out national parks—and they prefer Disney or Dolly World type things. You do you. Just wanted to make sure you were aware that if you WANT to participate in more outdoorsy stuff, there are options.

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[Reddit User] − NTA They’re being ridiculously insensitive to you, so why should you be sensitive to them? “Grandpa is upset he baked me peanut butter cookies he knows I’m allergic to, but he put so much effort into baking them and he’s so proud of himself for how good they turned out, I should eat them anyway to show I appreciate him.” For some people, gift giving is about themselves and not about the recipient. It’s immature AF.

beavisdog − NTA. Not in the slightest. Now, you probably shouldn't say this, but oh the irony that your ableist grandfather soon won't be physically able to do these outdoorsy trips.

nobody_who_you_are − I seriously can't even.. Hello? Wheelchair bound? Anyone? How TF do you expect me to join? Fly? Your family are real jerks for excluding you all these years and thet have the audacity to blame you for this?. NTA.

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sinkydoodles − NTA. This is ridiculous. My Da was in a wheelchair for the last 10 years of his life and managed two vacations a year until he got terminal. We as a family would research where to go, make sure it was as accessible as could be, we would let most of the family go off to do day trips that my dad couldn’t do while a few of us stayed behind to keep him company

and even if we went to say a theme park or water park, Da would come and be wheeled about by us he was thrilled to watch his Grandchildren have a blast and they would come running to make sure they saw how brave they were/how big that rollercoaster was/how they managed to go down the big water slide.

It kept him involved even if he couldn’t participate. In return we would make sure he got a chance to do some sightseeing or take him on day tours etc.. We went to Egypt, Canary Islands, Balearic Islands, Florida, Spain, Greece and a Mediterranean Cruise.. It takes more planning but it can be done - if the organisers want to.

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iesharael − NTA Huh... grandpa is stopping the trips when he’s too old to walk around and as such won’t get to enjoy them... you can’t walk around and never could... hmmm

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? The Reddit hive mind leans hard into calling out the family’s ableism, but some suggest accessible outdoor options exist.

This story leaves us pondering: how do we balance family traditions with individual needs? The OP’s stand against exclusion shines a light on ableism, but the family’s reaction reveals a stubborn refusal to adapt. It’s a reminder that love and inclusion require effort. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes—skip the trip or push for change? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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