AITA for keeping my kids from my husband’s parents?

The air felt heavy in the cozy suburban home as Sarah overheard her son’s trembling voice recount a troubling visit to his grandparents’ house. Tucked in their playroom, surrounded by scattered toys and crayon drawings, her two young children revealed a secret that twisted her heart: their grandparents’ harsh discipline. Ear-pulling and yelling had left them scared, with strict orders to stay silent. Sarah’s protective instincts surged, setting her on a collision course with her husband’s loyalty to his parents.

The situation unraveled a deeper family divide, one rooted in differing views on discipline and trust. As Sarah grapples with protecting her kids and navigating her husband’s dismissal, readers are drawn into a story that’s all too relatable—balancing love, loyalty, and the safety of those who matter most. What would you do when family ties clash with your child’s well-being?

‘AITA for keeping my kids from my husband’s parents?’

I’ve been wondering what’s been going on when my kids (two of them) have been at his parents house because they always come back acting out. Yesterday my oldest (both are on the younger side of elementary) told me that his grandparents will pull on his ear to the point that they want to cry/have cried,

and then if they cry they get screamed/yelled at and called a cry baby. He said they yell at them a lot as well and they tell the kids not to tell us what happens over there. My husband’s mom’s excuse was they didn’t listen, I told her physically abusing my kids comes with no excuse.

I don’t know what I can do because they haven’t been over there for a few weeks, I just planned on not letting them over anymore. My husband is having a hard time understanding this as abuse as his parents used like the belt on him and screaming among other things. I’m getting them into counseling to figure out what’s going on, but my husband is saying I’m being ridiculous. AITAH?

Parenting disagreements can ignite family tensions, especially when discipline styles clash across generations. Sarah’s situation—discovering her in-laws’ harsh methods—highlights a broader issue: what constitutes acceptable discipline, and when does it become abuse? The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that physical discipline, like ear-pulling, can lead to emotional harm, with studies showing 70% of children experiencing such methods report increased anxiety.

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, emphasizes, “Discipline should teach, not hurt. Physical actions like pulling ears can erode trust and model aggression”. In Sarah’s case, her in-laws’ actions not only caused pain but also secrecy, a red flag for potential emotional damage. Her husband’s acceptance, shaped by his own upbringing, reflects a “normalization” of past abuse, a common psychological barrier.

The opposing views here are stark: Sarah prioritizes her children’s safety, while her husband sees his parents’ actions as typical. This clash reflects a societal shift—modern parenting increasingly rejects physical discipline, favoring emotional regulation. Sarah’s decision to seek counseling is wise, offering her kids a safe space to process. For her husband, therapy could help unpack his past and align with protecting his children.

To move forward, Sarah should maintain firm boundaries, ensuring no unsupervised visits until trust is rebuilt. Couples counseling could bridge her and her husband’s divide, fostering a unified stance. Encouraging open family discussions, as Dr. Markham suggests, can help redefine discipline respectfully.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of fiery support and sharp critiques. Here’s what they had to say:

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Straysmom − NTA. Sadly, your husband grew up abused & has normalized it. Your kids shouldn't be subjected to the same treatment. Your husband needs to be in counseling too. So he can better understand that what his parents did to him & your kids is wrong.

Expression-Little − NTA - they abused your kids. Even if it only happened once, that kind of s**t can mess a kid up (as it has your husband for thinking this is 'ridiculous'). Keeping them away from your kids is the right move. Good on you for getting them into therapy and being a good mom.

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CakeZealousideal1820 − NTA it's very important to show your children you will always protect them even if it's against family

Knittingfairy09113 − NTA. You need to protect your children. Find ways to educate your husband on what constitutes child abuse.

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Beck2010 − Please tell your husband what had been sadly normalized in his youth is, in fact, abuse and you will not stand for that being visited upon your children.. NTA. I feel badly that your husband sees nothing wrong with the behavior because he had experienced so much worse. But that is absolutely no excuse for being okay with it today.

Gnd_flpd − AITAH, no you're not, however your husband is a different story. He grew up with that abuse, so he sees it as normal, it's not. Hold firm and keep your children away from them, unless you want your children to be on these boards years later posting about their father's parents that abused them and he allowed it and you enabled it.

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Laquila − NTA. Unfortunately those horrible people messed up your husband's normal meter. He thinks it's fine because he grew up with it. It's not. He's probably also been damaged into believing he has to defer to his parents on everything, even as an adult, as if they were his authorities.

They're not and he needs to realize that. And that you and your kids are his priority that he needs to protect. You need to firmly stand your ground on this. Can you talk to mutual friends about it and get them to talk to him?

If he hears it from more people that yanking on a kid's ear and telling them to keep that from their parents isn't right, that might wake him up. Otherwise, I'd seek marriage counselling and bring it up there together.

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murphy2345678 − NTA. Your husband needs counseling too!

spinx7 − Honestly the scariest part of this is the grandparents telling your kids to not tell you and keep secrets. That plants all sorts of seeds that can be detrimental if other things happen. You are NTA but please please sit your kids down and go over things like that you won’t be angry at them for telling you things and if they’re ever scared to immediately tell you because you will make sure they’re safe

wlfwrtr − NTA You have now shown your children that you are someone they can come to if they need to, unfortunately they won't feel the same for your husband who sided with the abusers.

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If they ever want contact with them again you shouldn't allow it until after they have sought treatment for themselves and then only supervised visits. Also if they are emergency contacts on any paperwork or have rights to pick them up from school or anywhere else have them removed immediately.

Reddit’s takes are fiery, rallying behind Sarah’s protective stance while urging her to stand firm. Some called out the grandparents’ secrecy as a major red flag, others pushed for her husband to seek therapy. But do these passionate opinions capture the full complexity of family loyalty versus child safety, or are they just fueling the fire?

Sarah’s stand to protect her kids from her in-laws’ harsh discipline is a raw, relatable tale of maternal instinct clashing with family ties. Her choice to prioritize her children’s safety over tradition sparks a broader question about breaking cycles of harmful discipline. By seeking counseling and setting boundaries, she’s taking steps toward healing and protection. How would you navigate this delicate balance between shielding your kids and maintaining family ties? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!

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