AITA For Telling My Wife To Stop Baking So Often?

In a warm kitchen filled with the scent of fresh cookies, a family grapples with the bittersweet cost of a mother’s passion. John, a father fighting to shed extra pounds, watches his wife, Amanda, whip up daily desserts that tempt him and their kids. Amanda’s baking, born during lockdown, is her creative outlet, but a school nurse’s warning about their daughter’s obesity has John sounding the alarm. His plea for less baking sparks a chilly silence at home.

This isn’t just about cakes; it’s about health, love, and the weight of unspoken struggles. Amanda’s history of anorexia and anxiety adds a layer of complexity, while John worries for his kids’ future. Reddit’s community served up a mix of support and tough love, urging action. Let’s slice into this delicate family drama and explore the recipe for balance.

‘AITA For Telling My Wife To Stop Baking So Often?’

My wife, Amanda (33), took up baking as a hobby in during the first lockdown and really threw herself into it. We got one of those Kenwood mixers for the kitchen and different tools and pans. She learned how to make all kinds of amazing desserts and cakes. She's even discussed starting a side business one day. I know she's very passionate about it, and I love that.

The problem is that it's become every day now. She's a SAHM and manages to make time. I've been trying to lose my extra lockdown pounds for the past year now and every attempt is thwarted by the smell of some kind of new cookie or cake or pastry. I've actually put on weight since I vowed to lose it - I'm 250lbs which is the highest weight I've ever been. It's impossible to be healthy when there's so many home-baked goods in the house.

Our entire family have put on weight too. Our daughter got a letter from the school nurse saying she was obese which Amanda dismissed as 'puppy fat'. I used to take our two sons on runs with me but they never want to come anymore and when they do they just moan I'm going too fast and gets out of breath.

They want to go home to play xbox. There's always fights as well, about who had how many of each pastry and it's like feeding time at the animal house because they all want to get their fair share before their siblings. Call me old-fashioned or the food police but I really don't think that kids should be having dessert and baked goods every day, especially in the quantities we seem to be getting through.

Even my mother commented on how they all seemed to have gotten chubby. Amanda is the exception to this. I suspect a little that she pushes the treats onto me and the kids because she wants to bake but doesn't want to put on weight herself as she's always been very concerned with her weight and size.

*I talked to her about it and I asked her that maybe she could bake less often, or give the food to other people, because it's not good for us to have around the house all the time.* She said that I wasn't being supportive of her passion. She's said before she feels useless because she never got back to work or her career again, even though I appreciate the work she does around the home.

I told her about how I'm trying to lose weight and be healthier, but it's really challenging to keep to any goals - and she said that I should just not each what she makes (which is easier said than done). When I mentioned the kids, she thought I was implying she was a bad mother.

She says that it makes them happy and she wasn't going to tell them what they can and can't eat if they're hungry. I told her that if the kids are obese adults one day and they wonder why that she'll be to blame and she hasn't spoken to me since.. AITA for putting the responsibility of the family's health on her shoulders?

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**Edit:** I highlighted a part I think many people were skipping over as they are suggesting it in the comments She doesn't want the food going to anyone else (homeless shelters, oap homes etc) because she feels like the recipes aren't perfect yet so she wants to keep practicing with the family. When I make those suggestions, she thinks I'm implying that we don't like her baking and gets upset. She does have anxiety and I feel like this might play a part.

**Edit 2:** *Thank you everyone for the responses & suggestions. A few people have mentioned about eating disorders and Amanda has a history of anorexia (she was fully recovered when we met). It seems like that might be linked to the anxiety around her baking.

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Letting me and my children have this food could be her way of making peace with how she doesn't allow herself to, or exerting control over our diets herself, or our weight gain making her look slimmer in comparison. She sees a therapist once a month for anxiety but she's not spoken to anyone specifically about eating disorders for a while and it wasn't on my radar at all. I think I'm going to somehow find a way to broach this subject with her.*

*I'm also going to try and get the kids in to a doctors to do some blood tests and a health check up. Actually, I should get one done too. I don't want the kids to feel in any way responsible or at fault for this, especially our daughter, so we'll also have to be gentle here, but my main concern is the amount of sugar they must be having. Hopefully, words from the doctor might help Amanda see the reality of the problem and how it is affecting the kids.*

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*I don't know the route to take with the baking, but I think I'm going to have to set some boundaries with the kids. Even if it means throwing away food and hurting Amanda's feelings. It's not fair to the children to let it continue as it is.* *Also thank you to those who made me feel better about my weight loss failings given the situation. I know it's my fault I've put on weight but it has felt like an uphill battle not to in this environment.*

John’s request for Amanda to bake less is a cry for family health, but it hit a raw nerve. Dr. Cynthia Bulik, an eating disorder specialist, notes, “For those with a history of anorexia, food control can resurface in complex ways, like baking for others while avoiding eating” (National Eating Disorders Association). Amanda’s daily baking, paired with her refusal to share treats outside the family, may reflect anxiety or a need to manage her relationship with food indirectly.

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This ties to a broader issue: childhood obesity and parental responsibility. A 2024 CDC report states that 19% of U.S. children are obese, with excessive sugar intake a key driver (CDC). The school nurse’s letter about John’s daughter is a red flag, and his sons’ reluctance to exercise signals unhealthy habits forming. Amanda’s dismissal as “puppy fat” minimizes a serious concern.

Dr. Bulik suggests approaching such conflicts with empathy, especially given Amanda’s past. John could gently encourage her to revisit therapy focused on eating disorders, framing it as support for her well-being. A pediatrician visit for the kids, as John plans, could provide data to ground the discussion—blood tests showing high sugar levels might prompt Amanda to reflect. Nutritionists recommend limiting sweets to once or twice weekly, with portion control (Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics). John could propose Amanda donate “practice” bakes to neighbors, promoting her skills while reducing home temptation.

For families, creating a healthy food environment requires teamwork. John should model healthy eating and involve the kids in meal prep, making it fun. Amanda’s passion can shine through occasional baking, balanced with family health goals. Open, non-blaming talks are key to avoiding resentment and fostering change.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd rolled up their sleeves, serving a mix of empathy and tough love for John’s sticky situation. Here’s the raw scoop from the community:

Alucard12203 − NTA when the school nurse has to send a note home about your kids weight there's an issue.

usernamesarestewpid − I'm probably going to get downvoted for this, but NTA.. She wasn't going to tell them what they can and can't eat if they're hungry. This total freedom is obviously going to have the children eating as much sugar and pastry as possible, and if they end up overweight or obese,

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which sounds like it's going to happen as the mother isn't planning on setting any rules/policies, they will get bullied in school. Yes, it sounds like you're being unsupportive, but if she's going to do something actively harmful to everyone in the family, then why support it?

pandamonkeyy − NTA. People who are saying 'have better self control' probably have a much healthier relationship with food than people like you and me. My favorite thing in the world is sweets and I love to bake but I don't do it that often because I know it's hard to resist. I can resist once in while if I'm very motivated, but every day?

Not a chance. I don't blame you at all for asking her to tone it down. It's not even that you asked her to stop baking, but you offered a good compromise of her giving her finished products away to other people. If she loves baking that's great but it doesn't give her the right to insist that her family eat everything she ever makes

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[Reddit User] − NTA it’s perfectly reasonable if she’s baking new treats every day to suggest giving them away. Which benefits in two ways. 1.) neighbors and community members will be aware of how good her baking is when she opens her own business

2.) not having treats and unhealthy food in the house is one of the suggestions nutritionist and behaviorist make when someone is trying to improve their eating habits. If you had negative steps to the behavior you want to stop you will increase the chances of success She should want to be as supportive of your and the children’s health as she expects y’all to be of - what is currently - her hobby.

Jerry1Martha2 − When the school nurse is concerned, you’re right to be alarmed. Both of you should take the kids to their pediatrician so your wife can hear it from a pro on children’s health. The daily fatty, high carb treats aren’t good for anyone. Delicious, but not good.

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Unit-Healthy − NTA. Honestly this sounds kind of malicious on her part. Shoving all this crap at you and the kids, not eating it herself, and watching you all get fatter and fatter. I think you need a visit to your pediatrician, and one to your own doctor,

to get told by an 'expert' that you are eating all wrong. Meanwhile, and I know it's hard, just say no thanks. Who cares if it hurts her feelings? Forcing food on people is not ok, so after one no thanks she needs to back the hell off.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Everyone saying just control yourself is conveniently forgetting that if all adults could do that then no one would be concerned about their weight and 95% of dieters wouldn’t regain the weight back. Having an environment that’s conducive to healthy eating is a major component in dietary health.

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You tried to compromise by asking her to give the baked goods away and she refused. Not to mention your concerns about your kids are completely founded. Sugar is highly addictive and everyone here pretending like it’s not is being disingenuous and obtuse. Your wife’s lack of supervision over what your kids eat and enabling them to eat mass quantities of sugar everyday is endangering their health.

And I’m not talking about weight, you can be healthy at bigger sizes. But conditioning your body to rely on multiple large doses of sugar throughout the day is terrible for development and long term health. Seriously, you’re completely in the right here and she has the option to continue baking and not subject your household to endless amounts of unhealthy food.

raptir1 − When it was just you I was going to say control yourself, but when it comes to your kids getting a letter from school that's an issue. As parents you have responsibility for the health of your children. I'm going to have to say NTA because of the kids aspect. If she won't give them away she should start baking less often.

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Humble-Plankton2217 − NTA I'm projecting here, 100%. Sugar is an addictive substance. If I came home to delicious baked sweets every day that I couldn't allow myself to eat I would be SO freaking MISERABLE!!! Box them up, open a window, drive the goods down to the local ANYwhere that will take them.

Please please please don't make me look at and smell that delicious stuff every day. I can't eat it! I will balloon up to the size of a mountain! You won't like me anymore, I won't like me anymore. I'll have to buy all new clothes. I will hate my body. I will hate myself. My self image issues will require therapy!

This is all very expensive, very very expensive. What about the children's college funds? Think of the children! I would never do this to someone I love, ever. I don't have willpower, I am weak. I admit it, I'll do anything you want, just please God get that stuff out of here!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!

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car55tar5 − NTA but if your wife is this bored, why can't she get back into her career or try getting a job that actually uses baking and makes her some money? This seems like an important part of the issue that you're overlooking--your wife wants to do something meaningful that she enjoys. Clearly being a SAHM isn't cutting it in terms of activity and fulfillment.

These Redditors brought the heat, backing John’s concerns but urging sensitivity. Do their takes capture the full flavor of this family challenge, or are they just stirring the batter?

John’s plea for less baking is a call to protect his family’s health, but Amanda’s hurt shows how passions and past struggles collide. With empathy, therapy, and clear boundaries, they can find a recipe that honors her creativity and their well-being. A doctor’s input might be the icing on the cake for change. Have you faced a family habit that clashed with health goals? What would you do in John’s shoes to balance love and limits? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation baking!

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