AITA for throwing my friend out of my house and possibly ended her marriage because she resented me?

Under the warm glow of a backyard BBQ, a joyful birthday for a young boy turned into a scene of raw pain. A woman, seven months pregnant, watched her best friend of 12 years, Jane, unravel in grief over her own infertility and recent miscarriage. What began as a quiet withdrawal erupted into a plate-throwing tirade, with Jane accusing her of flaunting her family. When the yelling targeted her son, the woman drew a line, asking Jane to leave—sparking a rift that may have ended Jane’s marriage.

This Reddit story dives into the heart-wrenching clash of friendship and grief, where personal joy collides with another’s loss. It’s a tale of boundaries, empathy, and the limits of forgiveness. Was she wrong to end the friendship, or was Jane’s outburst unforgivable? Let’s unpack this emotional explosion and find the truth amid the wreckage.

‘AITA for throwing my friend out of my house and possibly ended her marriage because she resented me?’

Me and the said friend (Jane) had been best friends for around 12 years. I met her when she started dating one of my best friends. We both got married around 10 years back, few months apart. Around 6 years ago, she confided to me that they were trying to have a baby.

But they were having a lot of issues. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. Around 4 years ago, I fell pregnant. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one. When I announced it, I could see that I hurt Jane. I apologised to her because I knew how much this infertility was affecting her.

Few months ago, we announced our second pregnancy. Here is where s**t hit the fan. Immediately after we announced it, she refused to talk to me or see me anymore. I thought she was upset because of my pregnancy and I was giving her space but John (her husband) told me to go talk to her as she needs me.

She told me that she had a miscarriage just one week before I announced my pregnancy and she couldn't bear it. I apologised so many times and I was trying to support her emotionally. She cried to me, I consoled her but next day she told me to leave her alone. I respected that.

A week ago, my son's birthday came up and we thought we will have a social distancing BBQ for him with few people (6). I sent an invite to John and Jane but I told them that they don't have to attend if they don't want to. (Edit: because John is the godfather. It would have been weird to not invite them at all)

Jane and John attended. Few hours later, I saw that Jane was very withdrawn and upset. So I went to her and asked her if she was okay. She THREW her plate across the yard and started yelling at me. About how much of a bad friend I am and how selfish I am.

She told me that I am trying to rub her face with my happy family and healthy pregnancy. She yelled at me about how insensitive it was of me to announce my preganancy right after her miscarriage (In my defence I did not know and I apologised) .

She even yelled at me about how I probably just invited her so I could parade my baby bump and lovely son (did she expect me to not have a bump when I am 7 months pregnant). There are lot of things I could forgive.

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But she not only made a scene in front of some really close friends, she yelled at me in front of my son in MY house. When I kept being silent, she asked me whether I was even going to apologise for doing this to her. I just told her I am done apologising for things that aren't my fault and asked her to leave my house.

John took her away even though she looked like she wanted to yell more. Next day I told John that I don't want to speak with Jane anymore. I told him he is still my best friend but I would understand if he has to choose sides and can't talk with me anymore.

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I don't know what happened between them after that, but John came to my house yesterday and said he wants to leave Jane and he wanted to crash at my place for a few weeks. He said he is not ready to talk about what happened yet. So I am not pushing.. AITA ?

Grief can twist even the strongest bonds, and Jane’s outburst at her friend’s BBQ reflects the raw pain of infertility and miscarriage. The woman’s decision to ask Jane to leave, however, was a stand for her family’s peace. Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a psychologist specializing in grief, notes, “Unprocessed loss can manifest as anger, often misdirected at those closest”. Jane’s accusations, fueled by her miscarriage, targeted her friend’s pregnancy—a joy she couldn’t share.

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The woman’s empathy—apologizing, giving space, and inviting Jane despite risks—shows her effort to preserve the friendship. Jane’s public meltdown, especially in front of the woman’s son, crossed a line. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of women experiencing miscarriage struggle with displaced anger. Jane’s pain is valid, but her actions weren’t.

Dr. Ziegler advises “setting boundaries while leaving room for healing.” The woman could suggest Jane seek therapy, perhaps through John, while maintaining distance. Her refusal to engage further protects her family, but John’s stay could complicate things.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users brought the heat, serving up opinions as sharp as a thrown plate. Here’s what they had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Jane is entitled to her grief. She isn’t entitled to taking her grief out on you.

italianancestor − NTA. I’m an infertile woman who suffered a shitload of miscarriages. I had friends and siblings get pregnant when I was struggling and I understand how much this hurts. There is real pain she is going through. But that pain does not entitle her to act the way she has been.

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You have been a really good friend: supportive, apologetic, telling her she didn’t have to attend painful events. I applaud your sensitivity. She on the other hand has been an absolute a**hole to you. Her behavior is i**olerable, selfish,

and completely devoid of any empathy or friendship. You did absolutely the right thing to kick her out of your home. When I was struggling I did opt out of a few family events. Which is reasonable. What she is doing:

attacking you for things entirely out of your control — not reasonable in the slightest. I wouldn’t speak to her again until she’s had some serious therapy. She’s clearly not doing well mentally and needs help to realize how s**tty and self-centered she’s become.

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EscalatingEris − NTA. Jane has sadly parted company with reality. Not your problem or your fault, although it might be wise if John crashes somewhere else. You don't want someone as unhinged as Jane coming after your kids.

[Reddit User] − Nta. You are living your life and if she can't handle that, she should stay away.. You aren't supposed to stop living your life because it 'hurts' her. That's reality.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You tried to be a good friend and she repeatedly misdirected her grief at you even though you did nothing wrong. You are not obligated to live your life around her feelings and opinions. And do not for a minute feel responsible for potentially ending her marriage, it sounds like she has put everyone through a lot.

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circe_elena − NTA. It's awful that she's having such a hard time with fertility, and a miscarriage is really tragic, but none of this was your fault. Taking it out on you is beyond unfair. Jane needs to get some help, because she's clearly projecting her hurt,

and blaming you is easier than dealing with it herself. I'm sorry for her, but it's not your fault that you are able to have a baby (relatively) easily. You certainly weren't parading it. I would argue that Jane knew it would hurt to see you pregnant/go to your son's party,

and could have easily declined the invitation.. I would say, give John (and certainly Jane) some time and space to work through their grief and emotions.. Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP. And take it easy.

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xeusifyy − I’m a male (childfree by choice) and even though I don’t want kids I’m still sensitive to others problems. She never told you about the miscarriage and you still apologized for something that wasn’t even really your fault. Then she started to try and use you as a punching bag for her grief. If her marriage ends just remember that you didn’t cause it to end, she did. NTA.

windsofwinterplease − Homegirl has hit rock bottom. I feel for her, but you don't deserve her treatment. If it were me, i would just tell her I love her and always will and am ready to be her friend again when she is able. It is not your fault.

Do you guys have any other friends who are not preggers or happily married? If so, I would ask that friend to see if they can offer some extra love. My hope is that she will come out of this and appreciate your friendship again.

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shihtzupiss − I don’t think you’re the AH, but I hope you understand this probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. You’re just her emotional punching bag. I know that’s not fair and not your fault, but it’s what happens when people are hurting. Infertility can be all consuming.

Especially if a woman is taking hormones or other treatments. It’s soul crushing to want a child and not be able to carry one. I think you were as sensitive as you could be, but your friend is in so much pain she’s pushing everyone away. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

lightingrabbit − NTA. It's a hard one, because she's obviously grieving, but she lashed out at you - someone who's not at fault in the slightest. She's an adult woman, not a child who still has difficulty processing and holding in emotions. Hormones and grieving is a reason, not an excuse.

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From backing the woman’s boundary-setting to urging Jane to seek help, Reddit’s takes blend compassion with tough love. Some see her actions as justified, others warn of further drama with John’s stay. Do these comments capture the delicate balance of grief and accountability, or do they oversimplify a friendship’s collapse?

This story of a BBQ gone wrong reveals the devastating power of grief to fracture even a decade-long friendship. The woman’s choice to eject Jane after a public outburst protected her family but may have triggered a marriage’s end. Was she right to draw a hard line, or should she have weathered the storm? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a friend’s pain turned them into a stranger? How do you navigate grief’s fallout without losing yourself?

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