AITA not accepting olive branch from my sister?

In a quiet suburban home, a woman’s life was upended when she took on the role of guardian to her young sister after their parents’ deaths. Years of sacrifice and love built a stable life for Libby, but her other sister, Roxanne, left them in the dust, refusing help and hurling insults. Now, four years after a bitter fallout, Roxanne extends an olive branch, only to be met with a firm “no.” Is this a stand for self-preservation or a refusal to heal old wounds?

This Reddit tale dives into the raw pain of family estrangement, where grief, duty, and betrayal collide. It’s a story of loyalty tested and boundaries drawn, with a sister’s past choices casting a long shadow. Was she wrong to shut the door on reconciliation? Let’s explore this emotional standoff and uncover the heart of the conflict.

‘AITA not accepting olive branch from my sister?’

I (37F) have 2 sisters, Roxanne (34) and Libby (22). When we were 25, 22 and 10, my dad sadly passed away. Around that time, my mom became very anxious about what would happen to Libby if something happened to her (she had my aunt as a potential guardian,

but she is located pretty far away from us, and it would have meant uprooting Libby). She approached me and Roxanne and asked if one or both of us would be willing to take custody of Libby (with help from my aunt). Roxanne immediately said no, which was understandable as she was in her early 20s.

I said yes as I was more established. A few years later, my mom passed due to cancer, and I became Libby's guardian. Mom left me the house entirely, and split her savings into some for me and some for a college fund for Libby. Her jewelry was split evenly amongst me, Libby and Roxanne.

Libby got into college, and her fund was enough to cover the tuition, but not living expenses. I reached out to Roxanne to ask if she could help. She is very well off due to her profession and having no debt from my parents paying for her college. She said no. Okay, fair enough.

However she got incredibly angry with me that I would ask after inheriting 'everything' and told me I was greedy and money hungry. I pointed out that the house was to ensure Libby got to stay where she grew up, and the money Mom left me was meant to help with related expenses.

She told me never to ask her for money again, called Libby a bunch of n**ty names, saying she always hated her, that Libby was the favorite child, that she (Roxanne) got neglected after Libby was born (not true). She cut us off after that. About 4 years have passed since then.

Recently she reached out, asking if we could talk, and I said no. I am perfectly happy without her, Libby is doing well, my aunt and I split the expenses to get her through college. It was definitely a bit hard for us, but worth it.

However Roxanne has been telling our aunt that we're excluding her, that she wants a relationship, and aunt has been telling us that forgiveness is good, family is important and all that. I just don't need the bad vibes. AITA for not accepting this olive branch?.

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EDIT: So I wanted to address a couple recurring comments. The estate was really just personal effects, the house, and a small amount of savings, as most of it had already been used for medical care. I relied on my own salary to take care of myself and my sister.

My house is not worth millions lol. It is a modest 3 bed 2 bath in a suburb. My parents were frugal, saved a lot, that's how they sent all of us to college. Libby and Roxanne have never been close. Roxanne outright hated Libby when she was little, and it simmered down to tolerance as Libby got older.

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When Roxanne left for college, she never really kept in touch with Libby. After our parents both passed, I would email her a few times a month to make sure she was doing okay.. Libby knows some of what Roxanne said because she saw the messages that she sent.

I apologise for coming off as callous and uncaring towards Roxanne. I understand she has had her issues and was grieving too, but I never really had time to be in my feelings like that, so it's hard for me to relate.

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Family ties can fray under the weight of grief, and this woman’s refusal to reconnect with Roxanne reflects deep scars from past betrayal. Roxanne’s refusal to help with Libby’s college costs, coupled with her cruel words, left a lasting wound. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is rebuilt through consistent, empathetic actions, not just apologies” (Gottman.com). Roxanne’s outreach, while a step, may feel hollow after years of absence and hostility.

The woman’s perspective is rooted in protecting her peace and Libby’s well-being, while Roxanne’s feelings of being overlooked as the middle child may have fueled her earlier outburst. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 40% of sibling estrangements stem from perceived favoritism or unequal responsibilities (APA). Roxanne’s resentment about the inheritance, though misplaced, likely deepened the rift.

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Dr. Gottman suggests “small, genuine steps” to repair relationships, like Roxanne acknowledging her past wrongs. The woman could consider a neutral meeting to hear her out, but only if she’s ready. For now, prioritizing her mental health isn’t wrong.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users brought their A-game, serving up opinions with the sting of a family feud. Here’s what they had to say:

jdawg254 − NTA. She decided to disown you and your sister. That must have hurt and been difficult, you moved on with your life. It is perfectly okay to not want to let her back in after that.. Edit: 10,000 upvotes... just wow. Holy moly

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I stand by the point, family isn't everything. Your sister sounds entitled about the whole inheritance situation. And now libby is through college and roxanne isn't going to be asked for more money, now she wants a relationship.

I'm not saying you should have to pay for a relationship, but you came to her in a time of need, and she flat out refused you and insulted you and libby. Family is not what you are because of blood and genes. Family is something you create yourself.

Family is the accumulation of the people around you, whom you care about and these people around you will stand with you no matter what.. Roxanne did not stand with you through the 'tough' times(aka, getting libby through college). Edit:words, because I can't type even if my life depends on it

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Whimsical_Mara − I gotta go NAH because I can't help but see some issues. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, so I apologize if that's the case, but I do see some gaps here. First, Roxanne is the middle child and middle children tend to be forgotten,

especially with a responsible older child - who was able to soothe her mother's worries about her youngest child - and the youngest - in this case a child who was significantly younger and who your mother focused on in a 'worst case scenario' that unfortunately came true.

So Roxanne's claim that she was neglected in favor of younger sister probably has more validity than you want to admit, especially since she would have been around 12 when Libby was born. (You were about 15, but already used to having a little sister.

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Roxanne went from being the youngest to the also-ran at a very vulnerable age.) Second, it sounds like you and Libby were left the bulk of your mother's estate (for valid reasons!) But I can see why Roxanne would feel left out....again. Jewelry, while sentimental, probably felt like a slap in the face.

That's what jumps out at me. I can see hurt feelings and misunderstandings on both sides and to be honest, I can't fault either one of you. Families are complicated and people aren't perfect. You're not wrong to refuse to see her, and she's not wrong to reach out and try to make amends.

AndStillShePersisted − NTA ... it’d be nice to see if she geniunely regregts her actions & wishes to make ammends etc but you’re under no obligation to do so after 4 years...

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Aja444 − I bet there's more to this regarding Roxanne's terrible behavior. More sadly, she was 25+ when mom died, so fully developed, and old enough to maturely accept that the price of her freedom was a share of some money from a dead person. Having a sibling myself I am so happy not to talk to, I say NTA.

You were thrust into motherhood by no choice of your own, and did everything really well. And then a 30+ sister calls the other sister n**ty names for needing money (money Roxanne got, unless you left out that mom made her pay her own way). PS - if mom made her pay her own way, I understand where she's coming from.

wetsock_criminal − NAH - Fair enough you're not happy after she shat on your little sister, I wouldn't be either. But is there a chance that she's struggling with losing both parents at quite a young age?

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Middle children tend to feel like they don't get as much attention no matter what their age. Maybe she has sorted herself out and realised that she has been an ass in the past and maybe wants to sort things out after realising 'everything was left to you' for a reason

and to ensure the youngest had the best start to adulthood as possible. 100% agree it's awful what she has said and done, but there could be a chance she's struggling on her own and took her rage out on you two.. I could be completely wrong though

snaugle_ − Really surprised by all the NTAs here. This seems like a clear NAH situation to me. The mom could have clearly left the house to all three, with the stipulation that Libby get to live in it until turning 18. A home is a MASSIVE asset.

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I can completely understand why Roxanne felt like it was a slap in the face for you to ask her for additional finances. This to me reads like we could very easily see a AITA post from Roxanne’s side and get the flipped version here.

As someone above said, getting cut out of a will is emotional business. Also, as the oldest sister myself, I am very cognizant of the burden and pride it is to me the one who takes care of everyone. Yes, more responsibility falls to you,

but you are the defacto hero and the one who gets accolades. I can’t imagine being the one who is just not in a situation to help and has to carry that burden and on top of it, get punished for it (be cut out of the will)! I know you don’t see it that way,

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but I’m sure she does, and tbh, I wouldn’t say she’s wrong. I think you should take great care to dig deep and see where your sister is coming from here. How tragic to lose both your parents AND your sister.

Regular-Tell-108 − NAH. It's commendable that your sister has taken time to reflect and maybe wants to make amends. And, it sounds like the argument you had was extremely rough and n**ty. You shouldn't feel compelled to have her back in your life unless or until you're ready. Her desire to apologize is her; your ability to accept is yours.

chartreuseranger − someone made a comment in a post about a guy who ran off to avoid inheriting his disabled brother's care that stuck with me - something like if you end a relationship, no matter your reasons, the other party has every right to not want it re-established.

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your sister may well have good reasons to be unhappy - just because you don't agree her feelings are valid doesn't mean you can logic them away - but she had choices when you asked for money and she went straight for the nuclear option. she can't be shocked to come back four years later to the irradiated wasteland of your indifference.

and when you rebuffed her she should have respected your wishes and withdrawn, not sent your aunt in to whine on her behalf. doing so just proves she wants the nice feelings of having a relationship with you without putting in the work of repairing it. NTA, and best of luck to you and Libby.

alybear567 − NTA she made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with you guys then so she has to deal with the consequences. You did your best to provide for Libby, and she neglected you guys when you reached out for help.

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From cheering the woman’s boundary-setting to empathizing with Roxanne’s possible pain, Reddit’s takes are a mixed bag of fire and nuance. Some see her refusal as justified, others wonder if there’s room for healing. Do these comments capture the weight of her choice, or do they miss the depth of her hurt?

This story of a rejected olive branch lays bare the pain of sibling estrangement, where past betrayals loom large. The woman’s choice to protect her peace over reconnecting with Roxanne sparks questions about forgiveness and family. Was she right to close the door, or should she give her sister a chance? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a sibling’s past actions left you burned? How do you balance forgiveness with self-preservation in a fractured family?

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