AITA for wearing white to my son’s wedding?

Under the golden glow of a beachside sunset, a bohemian wedding unfolds with aqua dresses and linen suits, far from the traditional white gown affair. Jane, a 48-year-old mother of the groom, slips into a floaty white dress—her one nod to the boho vibe—after her son greenlights it. But as the waves crash and toasts are raised, the bride’s mother delivers a stinging rebuke, calling Jane’s choice inappropriate. Suddenly, a day of love feels like a battlefield of etiquette.

This isn’t just about a dress; it’s about navigating modern wedding norms and family expectations. Jane thought she’d cleared the hurdle by asking her son, but miscommunication and tradition’s lingering shadow sparked drama. Reddit’s community dove in with opinions as colorful as the wedding itself. Let’s unravel this sandy saga of style and sentiment.

‘AITA for wearing white to my son’s wedding?’

I (48f) went to my son (23m) and now daughter-in-law's (22f) wedding last Saturday. It was a bohemian-style beach wedding which isn't my thing at all but they absolutely loved it. My daughter-in-law was in an aqua dress, my son was in baby blue linen and the bridesmaids/groomsmen were in a similar colour. The wedding invitation said that the wedding party would be in blue so requested no one wear blue.

I asked my son if I could wear this white floaty dress which is the one sort of bohemian-type thing I own! He said yes (I have no idea if he spoke to my daughter-in-law about it) so I wore it. At the wedding itself no one said anything but at the reception the bride's mom told me it was really inappropriate of me to wear white.

She was in baby blue which they had explicitly asked her NOT to wear but I digress. I bit my tongue even when she told me I was trying to make the day about me. My husband told me in the hotel that evening that he saw her point. I thought because it was a non-traditional wedding and they were wearing a different colour and that I asked them it was fine - AITA?

Edit to add because someone rightfully pointed this out, when I text my son asking him I phrased it as a question to them both i.e. 'What do you and Anna think about me wearing...' but when he said it was ok I presumed he had spoken to her, however I now see there's a chance he may not have.

Edit 2 to add I'm not sure if I can post a link to what the dress looks like but it's a mid-calf length with a beige pattern on the sleeves and hem and has a knotted brown belt

Jane’s white dress dilemma highlights the tricky balance of wedding etiquette in non-traditional settings. Emily Post’s etiquette guide notes, “Wearing white as a guest can draw attention away from the bride, unless explicitly permitted” . Jane sought her son’s approval, assuming he’d checked with his bride, Anna. But the bride’s mother’s reaction suggests a misstep, fueled by traditional expectations clashing with the couple’s laid-back vibe.

This reflects a broader issue: evolving wedding norms. A 2024 survey by The Knot found that 62% of couples now opt for non-traditional weddings, yet 45% of guests still adhere to outdated dress codes . Jane’s dress, with its beige accents and brown belt, wasn’t bridal, and the invitation only banned blue. Still, white carries symbolic weight, and Jane’s oversight was not confirming with Anna directly.

Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman advises guests to “double-check with both partners for sensitive choices like white” . Jane could mend fences with a light apology to Anna, acknowledging the oversight while affirming her intent to respect their vision. For future guests, clear communication with the couple is key, especially for parents. Jane’s son also shares blame for not clarifying with Anna, highlighting the need for couples to align on guest attire expectations.

ADVERTISEMENT

To navigate such situations, experts suggest guests choose neutral or complementary colors unless the couple explicitly allows white. Jane’s experience shows that even with approval, perceptions matter. A quick chat with Anna could have avoided the drama, keeping the focus on love, not fashion faux pas.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd brought their A-game, dishing out support and shade with beachy flair. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

ADVERTISEMENT

NervousAd6216 − NTA. They told you not to wear blue AND you asked permission.

IamAustinCG − NTA- You asked your son, who seemingly either lives with or had a VERY good relationship with his now wife. Why if HE said it was ok, would anyone with a brain assume he didn't bring it to the attention of his fiance?

ADVERTISEMENT

In addition, a lot of people seem to just simply be saying YTA BECAUSE she wore white. But White is only really a thing because of an outdated 'purity' thing (apparently this is wrong and it was a 'Victorian thing, so my bad :-)

and if the bridal party wore blue, then a white dress stigma is a moot point because you aren't showing up the bride in this case. Lastly, the only person who seemed to have an issue was the brides mom, OP, I could be wrong but did your son or the bride take any issue with your dress?

ADVERTISEMENT

Sea_Yesterday_8888 − NTA. You asked for approval. But fyi to everyone out there: even with approval guests will be judging you for wearing white at a western wedding.. Often the mothers do wear a shade to match the wedding party, maybe bride’s mom got approval too.

quarkfan4552 − NTA. You asked your son he said it was fine. End of story.

InvestigatorDull1990 − Soft NTA because they specifically said not to wear blue and didn’t mention white and you did ask your son. You should have asked the bride though and even if it’s not a traditional wedding you still shouldn’t wear white.

ADVERTISEMENT

AdrianHObradors − Ufff. Hard. I mean, not the a**hole because you asked and there was clearly no bad intention here, but still no matter the wedding it is always a bad idea to wear white. Your son was a bit dumb though, sorry. It is mostly his fault, but I do think you should give a soft apology to your DIL.

eefr − NTA. You asked if it was okay well in advance and they said yes. I don't see what the problem is here.

Manviln − 1. I would have asked the bride directly 2. Parents of the bride and groom frequently (not always) coordinate with the wedding party, usually to look cohesive in photos... My mom and his mom wore Navy, which was the grooms colors (our bridal party colors were blush pink and navy), so the invitation may not have been directed towards the bride and grooms parents, she likely was in that color based on shopping with her daughter.

ADVERTISEMENT

3. The bride and groom should have been more direct with you about what they wanted you to wear as mother of the groom if anything specific. 4. Even if the bride gave the green light, it doesn't stop others from judging you, not knowing that permission was given. this fact alone,

I probably would have avoided it and actually bought something special to wear to your sons wedding. With all that said, I am going to go with NAH. I'll give your son the benefit of the doubt that he actually asked his fiancé if she minded, but it doesn't make the guests A H for judging you give typical etiquette

[Reddit User] − NTA. I had a non-traditional wedding and nothing grinded my gears more than OTHER people over-riding my wishes to comply with tradition. Didn't wear white, wore a colorful jumpsuit, my mom also wanted to wear a jumpsuit and kept saying 'well it's not like I'm trying to wear WHITE' when I teased her about matching me.

ADVERTISEMENT

No one seemed to understand that IDGAF about people wearing white because they refused to get that's not the kind of wedding we were doing. It was aggravating to plan something not traditional and then feel constantly pushed around by other people's traditions.

The person making you feel bad was the one who actually went against what the bride & groom requested, do not listen to her. Ms. Baby Blue dress is probably on their shitlist. ETA: another wedding 'tradition' that drove me insane: the assumption the bride's feelings matter most/she's the only one who counts/the wedding is a girl thing for her and the groom is just along for the ride.

People did that to me too, no matter how much I told them the groom was the wedding planner and the one who cared most. If your DIL is upset the issue there is between her and her husband, not you. You asked your son, he either had the authority to tell you or he should have talked to his wife.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ditzyshine − NTA, it wasn't the bride that was upset but the MIL, who was wearing blue which was not supposed to be worn.

These Redditors served up a tidal wave of opinions, mostly backing Jane but urging better communication. But do their takes ride the wave of truth, or are they just stirring the sand?

Jane’s white dress saga is a reminder that weddings, traditional or not, come with unspoken rules and family sensitivities. Her good intentions got lost in translation, but a quick check with the bride could have smoothed the sands. As wedding styles evolve, clear communication is the key to keeping everyone glowing. Have you ever faced a wedding etiquette mishap? What would you do in Jane’s shoes to keep the peace? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation flowing!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *