AITA for not arranging childcare when my husband was sick?

Picture this: a battlefield strewn with toys, a sink full of dishes, and three little warriors demanding snacks, attention, and, let’s be real, probably a diaper change. Now imagine doing all this while sick as a dog. That’s been OP’s reality for years. Her husband? Well, he’d conveniently stick to his regular schedule, leaving her to fend for herself. But when he falls ill on his day off? Suddenly, it’s a crisis of epic proportions.

Our Reddit OP, a working mom of three (7, 5, and 2), has long been the primary caretaker while juggling maternity leaves, overnight shifts, and household responsibilities. When she’s sick, she toughs it out or arranges her own backup. But when her husband fell ill on his day off, he expected her to drop everything and handle the childcare situation for him. When she refused, pointing out how he’d never done the same for her, his response? “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

‘AITA for not arranging childcare when my husband was sick?’

Let’s face it: stories like this aren’t new. There’s an underlying issue here that extends far beyond one couple’s household dynamic. According to Dr. Darcy Lockman, author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership, women still bear the brunt of household and childcare responsibilities—even when both partners work outside the home.

OP’s situation highlights the frustrating yet common phenomenon of “default parenting.” While she’s expected to function through sickness, her husband assumes the luxury of being taken care of. But when the script flips, he’s suddenly incapable of handling what she’s managed solo for years.

Dr. Lockman explains, “Women tend to be socialized to anticipate the needs of their children and families, whereas men often take a more passive approach, expecting to be told what needs to be done.” This cultural conditioning means that even in dual-income households, women often carry the “mental load”—managing schedules, planning meals, and, apparently, figuring out childcare when their partner gets the sniffles.

But let’s break it down. What’s really happening here? Is OP’s husband genuinely incapable of arranging help, or is this classic weaponized incompetence? That’s when someone feigns helplessness to avoid a task—whether consciously or not. If OP has always been the one to handle emergencies, her husband may have never felt the need to step up. So, what’s the solution?

First, a serious conversation needs to happen. OP and her husband should set clear expectations about shared responsibilities, especially during times of illness or crisis. If he expects help when sick, he should be willing to provide the same courtesy. Fair is fair.

Secondly, it’s time to break the cycle of “handling everything.” Many partners don’t realize the extent of the invisible labor their spouse takes on until they’re forced to experience it themselves. A temporary role reversal—where OP goes on a much-deserved solo vacation, perhaps?—might be the eye-opener her husband needs.

Check out how the community responded:

Some pointed out how men often act like the world is ending when they have a mild cold, while mothers are expected to power through flu season like unshakable warriors. Others noted that OP had trained her husband to rely on her by never demanding better treatment before. And a few couldn’t resist pointing out that if he was well enough to type “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” multiple times, he was certainly capable of finding alternative childcare.

OP’s story sheds light on a bigger issue: the unequal division of parental responsibilities in many households. While some might argue that “tit-for-tat” isn’t the best approach, others would say it’s the only way to make an oblivious partner realize what they’ve been taking for granted.

So, what do you think? Should OP have stepped in to help, or was her husband just getting a well-deserved taste of his own medicine? Have you experienced a similar imbalance in your household? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments!