AITA for not giving my sister who’s a single mom my share of inheritance?

A grandmother’s passing sparked a family tug-of-war over inheritance. A woman, dreaming of a European vacation and a house down payment, faced pressure to give her share to her struggling sister, a single mom drowning in medical debt for her special needs child. Her sister’s reckless past fueled the tension, turning a legacy into a battleground of guilt and choice.

This isn’t just about money—it’s about fairness, family, and personal dreams. The woman’s firm stance, pitted against her sister’s dire needs, ignites a debate on obligation. Reddit’s fiery takes dive into this emotional clash, questioning where loyalty ends and self-interest begins.

‘AITA for not giving my sister who’s a single mom my share of inheritance?’

My (35f) last remaining grandmother passed away last month (that side of the family is Jewish and it's customary to give inheritance to the grandkids in Jewish families). My sister (27f) is a single mom of three (one with special needs) all have different dad's none are in the picture (one is in jail, another was a one night stand in Vegas doesn't even remember his first name, and the other is just an unemployed deadbeat).

She's drowning in debt (mostly medical bills for special needs child) and got fired from multiple jobs due to having to always call out due to her special needs child having some medical emergency, she's months behind on rent but landlord hasn't evicted her bc he feels sorry for her.

My husband (42m) and I are child free by choice, while we aren't Vanderbilt's by any stretch we do have a comfortable lifestyle. We were going to use my portion of the inheritance for a down payment on a house (we live in an apartment albeit a nice one) and to treat ourselves to a nice vacation in Europe (I've never been there but DH has and I've always wanted to go).

My sister's portion of the inheritance will cover some of her debt (she wants to pay off creditors first bc they're threatening to take her to court while the landlord is showing more leniency),

but my family is saying I should give her my share of the inheritance because that would cover almost all her debt (she wasn't spending frivolously it was mostly the mounting medical bills for my special needs nephew), and it's 'more important' than a house because we're 'fine in our apartment' and this is 'more urgent.'

Im no prude or s**t shamer but bottom line is my sister was wreckless in having unprotected s** with multiple men and getting pregnant by three separate ones who for various reasons can't/don't help and that's not my fault, I don't feel my husband and I should have to sacrifice our dream of being homeowners (which is incredibly hard to do these days)

and having to sacrifice this vacation I've always wanted to go on. I was responsible and think I made good choices and I don't think I should have to suffer consequences for her poor decisions.. AITA?

EDIT: When I told my family I'm not responsible for her reckless life choices, they agree that she didn't make good decisions but 'the children are innocent' I agree but that's still not my fault nor my problem

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EDIT: I also reminded them she could get pregnant again any time, because she still young and she 'doesn't believe in a**rtion.' Even if I did give it will never be enough EDIT: For those accusing me of s**t shaming, I could care less what consenting adults do behind closed doors.

Hell I worked as an exotic dancer to put myself through grad school. My issue is her carelessness with BC (she's admitted to using the 'pull out' method bc her partners didn't like condoms and she was afraid he'd break up with her, this was with the one in jail and the deadbeat, not sure of the circumstances with the Vegas one night stand),

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and she doesn't like hormonal birth control due to them making her gain weight (she gained a lot more with pregnancy but okay). I've brought up voluntary sterilization (which I got done ) which planned parenthood will do for free but she won't because she's 'afraid she'll regret it later,' and she 'loves babies' and as I said earlier she doesn't believe in a**rtion.

I don't care under what circumstances consenting adults have s**, but its not okay to come to me with your hand out when you can't afford the consequences of your choices. As one poster said, I'm not s**t shaming, I'm stupidity shaming and won't deny it.

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And I've helped her out before but it never seems to stop. At what point does it end? When do I get to fulfill my dreams? Or do I forever have to flush my dreams down the toilet to keep bailing my sister out of trouble?

Inheritance disputes can crack family bonds like brittle glass. The OP’s refusal to share her inheritance with her sister, a single mom buried in medical debt, pits personal dreams against familial duty. The sister’s financial mess, tied to her special needs child and past reckless choices, stirs sympathy but also frustration. The OP’s blunt stance—calling out her sister’s carelessness—highlights a rift deepened by family pressure to “fix” her sister’s life.

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Financial strain in families is common. A 2024 report by the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF) found 41% of U.S. families face medical debt, often exacerbated for parents of special needs children. The OP’s sister faces real hardship, but her choices—like rejecting birth control or sterilization—complicate the narrative. The family’s push for the OP to sacrifice her goals ignores her right to her grandmother’s gift.

Financial planner Suze Orman advises, “You can’t save others if it sinks you” (The Suze Orman Show). The OP’s dream of homeownership and travel reflects years of responsible planning. She could offer limited help, like connecting her sister to assistance programs, without giving up her inheritance. For readers, setting boundaries while exploring resources like Medicaid or crowdfunding can balance empathy and self-preservation. The OP’s choice honors her grandmother’s intent, showing tough love can coexist with compassion.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rolled in with a storm of takes, blending support with sharp jabs. From cheering the OP’s boundaries to questioning the family’s inaction, the comments are a lively mix of wit and wisdom. Here’s the raw scoop:

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Fickle_Ostrich4923 − NTA. If you want to be both petty and generous, tell your family you'll match whatever money they give her. (They probably won't give any, or at least not much, because it's a lot easier to be generous on someone else's dime)

BeastOGevaudan − NTA - You aren't responsible for your sister's repeated bad life choices. More importantly, if your grandmother wanted her to have it she would have put it in her will.

swing_axle − NTA. The money was your grandmother's last gift to you. Your grandmother could have stipulated that more of the money go to your sister, but didn't.. Feel no guilt. You're never obligated to dig someone else out of their own s**t. Even family.

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Erythronne − NTA. If your relatives care so much, they can give her money. Your sister was irresponsible and now has 3 innocent children paying for her mistakes. If she lives in the US, she can get government assistance with food and housing.

invisiblew830 − NTA. Perhaps, your relatives could help her.

Because-itsthere − NTA. You both have the right to do what you want with your inheritance and no one should guilt you into thinking differently. Whoever is telling you to give your inheritance should be told to move to a smaller home so they can give their money as well. I think it’s a great idea to help your sister if you choose too. You can choose what that help may be.

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ExcitingEvidence8815 − NTA. It isn't your families choice, your grandmother wanted YOU to have this gift, if she didn't her will would be different. If the rest of the family feels so strongly about your sisters debt, what have they done to help?

berrywarrior − NTA. But you should thank your family for agreeing to give you sister the money to help out with her debt, since they believe she needs the help. It's crazy how easy it is to offer someone else's resources.

wavybitch − NTA. She decided to have children while you didn’t. It is her responsibility to take care of her kids, not yours. You lost a grandparent (I am so sorry for your loss) and as a result of that, you were given an inheritance. You are just as entitled to your share. If your sister needs the help, how come it is solely on you to give up your inheritance while the family sits by and does nothing?

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Portie_lover − F**k no, NTA. It was left to YOU by your grandmother. That is her wish. You don’t owe it to your sister to get her out of her own mess. Enjoy Europe!

Redditors largely backed the OP, slamming the family’s guilt-tripping while sympathizing with the sister’s kids. Some suggested the family step up if they care so much. But do these takes capture the full nuance, or just fan the flames?

This inheritance clash shows how money can tangle family ties. The OP’s stand to keep her share honors her dreams, but her sister’s struggles tug at the heart. Family means support, not sacrifice. How would you balance helping a struggling sibling with chasing your own goals? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this emotional tug-of-war!

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