AITA for telling my teenage cousin she can no longer be a bridesmaid at our wedding?

The scent of roses and the hum of wedding preparations filled the air, but for one 26-year-old bride-to-be, trouble was brewing. Her 13-year-old cousin, once a bright-eyed addition to the bridal party, had veered into chaos with shoplifting sprees, skipped classes, and a social media post gloating about her school suspension. A venomous text to the bride’s mother, dripping with profanity and spite, was the final straw, turning family harmony into a battlefield.

This wasn’t just a wedding hiccup; it was a clash of loyalty and limits. The bride’s decision to remove her cousin as a bridesmaid sent shockwaves through the family, with her aunt vowing to skip the big day. The drama unfolded like a soap opera, with hurt feelings and stubborn stances threatening to overshadow the celebration. It’s a tale of tough choices and tangled family ties that’s sure to spark lively debate.

‘AITA for telling my teenage cousin she can no longer be a bridesmaid at our wedding?’

Me 26f and my partner 29m are getting married in 5 weeks. My cousin 13f is supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. However her behaviour has become increasingly out of control. For example, shoplifting and skipping school.

Most recently she has been suspended. The same day my aunt 46f brought her round to my mums 44f house and didn’t tell my mum that she had been suspended and instead lied and said that she has a day off school (inset day).

My aunt has a very lax approach to parenting and hates when my mum lectures her on being a pushover (my mum was a very fair parent with strict boundaries). This is why I think she lied to avoid argument.

Despite the suspension my aunt allowed her to enjoy a day in the sun and use my mums hot tub etc. My mum found out about the suspension as my cousin decided to brag on Social media that she had been suspended. Of course this caused an argument.

My mum has now received a text from my cousin which included swearing, accusations of talking about her behind her back and also saying that the house my mum lives in isn’t hers, it’s her grandmas (grandmother died in 2018 and my mum bought the house).

This obviously hurt and infuriated my mum and also me. I confronted my aunt and told her that I no longer want her as my bridesmaid at my wedding as I don’t agree with her behaviour and it’s an ongoing problem.

My aunt has now said she won’t be coming to the wedding although I never retracted any invitation.. So… am I the ass**** for telling my cousin she’s not longer a bridesmaid at my wedding?

Weddings can turn family dynamics into a pressure cooker, and this bride’s saga is no exception. The 13-year-old cousin’s antics—shoplifting, truancy, and a disrespectful tirade—signal a teen testing boundaries, amplified by her aunt’s hands-off parenting. The bride’s choice to drop her cousin from the bridal party was a bid to safeguard her wedding day, prioritizing peace over family obligation.

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Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, emphasizes, “Clear boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships, especially in high-stakes settings like weddings” . The bride’s firm stance reflects this, while the aunt’s boycott smacks of dodging accountability. The cousin’s behavior, from swearing to entitlement, suggests a lack of consistent discipline, creating friction that spilled into the wedding plans.

This drama ties into a larger issue: how parenting styles shape family events. A 2021 American Psychological Association study found that 60% of teens with permissive parents show increased defiance . The aunt’s leniency likely fuels the cousin’s rebellion, putting the bride in a tough spot. The decision to exclude her cousin wasn’t just personal—it was a stand against enabling bad behavior.

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Moving forward, open communication could ease tensions. The bride might invite her aunt for a calm talk, validating feelings while holding firm on boundaries. Family counseling could address the cousin’s issues long-term, fostering accountability.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s armchair judges didn’t hold back, dishing out a buffet of opinions with a side of sass. The consensus? The bride was justified in axing her cousin from the bridal party, with many calling the teen’s behavior a red flag for wedding-day mischief.

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Commenters praised the bride’s backbone, arguing that a thief and troublemaker doesn’t belong in a wedding spotlight. Some even cheered the aunt’s boycott, seeing it as a drama-free bonus. These spicy takes paint a clear picture: Reddit’s got the bride’s back, but the real world might not be so black-and-white.

Straysmom - NTA. You don't have to put up with bratty behavior. Her tirade about your mom's house was really out there. What did she think to achieve by spewing BS like that. And your aunt is trying to manipulate you into having your cousin in the wedding. It is probably better if she didn't show up.

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Solid-Technology-448 - NTA. Why bother to invite her at all? If a kid talked to my mother like that, she'd be out of my life forever. She's your cousin, who cares? ETA: that said, your aunt has every right to decline the invite after that.

Although I think she's being petty, considering you didn't uninvite the kid altogether. Kids who curse at the mother of the bride don't get to be bridesmaids, that's a reasonable rule.

MissMurderpants - NTA. I wouldn’t allow her to the wedding.. She will cause mischief.

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Fyrekitteh - NTA: Imagine how she's going to be on an entire day dedicated to you. Like, yes, reach out, connect, w/e. But you don't owe your wedding day to your cousin.

Quirky_Movie - So… am I the ass\*\*\*\* for telling my cousin she’s not longer a bridesmaid at my wedding?. No. Bridesmaids need to behave in a way your cousin shows she cannot handle. She lacks the maturity. And if your cousin is shoplifting than she is a thief. There is no way to know she wouldn't steal from other bridesmaids when they leave their purses behind.

wlfwrtr - NTA It was probably a smart decision considering her entitlement that she's showing. If something didn't go the way she wanted it could end up being the worst day of your life.

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fromhelley - You are never the a**hole for not inviting trouble to your own wedding. With the sisters fighting, having them both there would be draining. And they could argue and cause a scene.. Be glad your aunt dropped out in protest. Your wedding will be much smoother without aunt and cousin there.. Nta

bringmethemashup - NTA....your aunt just did the hard work for you. They can both be disinvited since they don't want to take you or your mom seriously.. Your wedding should be with people who you want there, these are not those people.

My uncle and aunt were ultimately not invited to my wedding last year and honesty, I wish I cut them off sooner because the back and forth of trying to 'salvage' our relationship was always going to be futile.

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Auntienursey - Your cousin is a thief (shoplifting), who is to say she won't steal from you or your guests? Actions have consequences, if she's going to act out in school, no guarantee's she won't do the same at your wedding if she wants something and is told no.

And if they don't want to come, their right for sure, it means that your wedding may be a bit quieter and if your aunt doesn't see the issue with her daughter's behavior, it will get worse

and she will probably not be invited to family celebrations later on. At 13, she knows how to act and what basic behaviors are expected, she just choses to do what she wants. I'm pretty sure it's not going to turn out the way she wants it to.

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SuperHuckleberry125 - NTA NTA Why would you want that in or at your wedding at all. Seems like she would be the type to either do something to ruin your special day or make it all about her.. Good riddance.

This wedding whirlwind lays bare the messy reality of family boundaries. The bride chose her peace over a rebellious cousin’s chaos, but the cost was a fractured family. It’s a stark reminder that weddings test more than love they challenge resolve. Have you ever faced a family clash that threatened a big moment? Share your stories below and weigh in on this bride’s bold call.

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