AITA for showing up at my cousin’s wedding in a hoodie and jean shorts?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A rustic wedding in a national park turned into a family feud when a guest’s hoodie and jean shorts clashed with the vibe. Misled by her aunt’s false claim of a casual dress code, the woman swapped her nice attire for ultra-relaxed gear, only to learn it was a deliberate sabotage. The bride and groom, dressed to impress, felt disrespected by the laid-back looks.

This isn’t just about shorts—it’s about trust, miscommunication, and wedding expectations. The aunt’s sneaky move and the couple’s hurt feelings spark a debate on accountability. Reddit’s lively takes dive into this wardrobe drama, questioning who’s really at fault.

‘AITA for showing up at my cousin’s wedding in a hoodie and jean shorts?’

Last fall, my husband and I went to my cousin's wedding in another state. In the months leading up to the wedding, my aunt (cousin's mother) griped about how unconventional the wedding was going to be. She was happy for the couple of course but she didn't like that the wedding wasn't going to be in a church or banquet hall.

The wedding was going to be a small and intimate affair in a scenic national park and then the reception was going to be in a nice rental house in the woods. I thought it sounded cool and unique but my aunt hated the idea of it. She didn't tell the couple tho. Just complained about it to us behind their backs.

We traveled 600 miles to the wedding. We treated the trip like a vacation. Spent some money on lodging, food, sightseeing, etcetera. The day before the wedding, my aunt rounded up me and my family members and told us that she just found out that the dress code for the wedding was casual.

Not gonna lie, many of us were stoked. I hate dressing up so I was all over the idea of a casual backyard bbq wedding. My husband and I had already packed nice clothes so we wore them to the ceremony. A few of my family members showed up to the ceremony in t-shirts and baseball caps.

Immediately after, we changed into comfortable clothes for the reception. I wore a hoodie, daisy Duke shorts and cute sandals. I noticed that the bride's family members were still dressed up but I figured they didn't get the memo. The bride and groom and the wedding party were dressed to the nine's which I thought was weird for a casual wedding.

The reception was awesome. Nice dinner, fancy lawn games, a bonfire. We had a blast. So we just found out that the bride and groom were very upset with us for wearing casual clothes to their wedding. They thought it was very disrespectful.

Apparently my aunt lied to us because she wanted to sabotage their wedding and they were upset that no one checked with them about the dress code. This explains why my cousin and his wife have been standoffish toward us since the wedding.

TBH we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code. And they never specified the dress code in the invitation. But I still have to ask. AITA?

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Weddings thrive on shared joy, but a misstep in attire can steal the spotlight. The OP, misled by her aunt’s false “casual” dress code, showed up in a hoodie and jean shorts, unknowingly disrespecting the couple’s vision. The aunt’s sabotage, meant to undermine the unconventional wedding, put the OP in a tough spot. Her failure to verify the dress code and dismissal of the couple’s feelings as “overreacting” deepened the rift.

Wedding etiquette sets high stakes. A 2023 survey by The Knot found 78% of couples view guest attire as a reflection of respect for their day. The OP’s ultra-casual choice, while unintentional, clashed with the norm of “smart casual” for weddings, even non-traditional ones. The aunt’s deception was the real culprit, but the OP’s lack of follow-up didn’t help.

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Etiquette expert Elaine Swann advises, “When in doubt, confirm with the couple to honor their day” (Let Crazy Be Crazy, Let Crazy Be Crazy). The OP could have checked the invitation or asked the bride directly, avoiding the blunder.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up a mix of sharp critiques and witty jabs. From slamming the aunt’s sabotage to questioning the OP’s shorts, the comments are a lively roast. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered take:

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CatpersonMax − YTA. Daisy dukes and a hoodie are not “casual”in terms of wedding attire. Casual would have been nice slacks and a pretty top or jacket. Your attire was more like Saturday night at the stock car races. I would have been upset with you too and the family members in tee shirts and ball caps were similarly underdressed.

WebbieVanderquack − ESH. Your aunt is a horrible person. And I am pretty surprised that you fell for the lie. If someone other than the bride and groom told me the dress code was casual, as in Daisy-Dukes-and-a-hoodie casual, I'd be checking with the bride and groom.

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And if an unusual dress code wasn't specified in the invitation, I would assume I was meant to dress up, as is the norm for weddings. Your cousin and his wife are not overreacting - it would have been viewed as very disrespectful to show up dressed as you did.

They didn't know why you were all wearing casual clothes, and even if they now know your aunt was trying to sabotage their wedding, that's still going to cast a shadow over their memories of the day.

Chrysoptera − ESH, especially your aunt. But you do too, because of this:. TBH we think they're overreacting Did you apologize? You didn't mean to offend them, and wouldn't have done so if you hadn't been lied to, but you should still apologize. Of course they are upset.

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Someone was actively sabotaging their wedding, and you were an (unwitting) participant! The fact that they didn't include a dress code in the invitation actually doesn't work in your favor here, because if the bride wanted it to be casual she would have made a note of it.. ETA: the bride and groom don't suck, in case that wasn't obvious...

Smol_Daddy − YTA. Casual attire to a wedding isn't a hoodie and trashy shorts. 'we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code'. And wow instead of apologizing you blame the bride and groom. How old are you?

[Reddit User] − YTA. For going to the wedding of someone you are unwilling to speak to, and allowing your cowardice and laziness to fan the flames of family drama.

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swingmadacrossthesun − Edit: Changing my response to YTA because OP has demonstrated through the comments that they are selfish and willfully obtuse. (Formerly not the a**hole), but you should have confirmed the dress code with the bride and groom.

When you saw that other people hadn’t changed into casual clothes, you should have realized that there might be a miscommunication and asked around to clarify the dress code.

You easily could have realized the error, apologized to the bride and groom, and changed back into formal wear. I don’t think you’re an a**hole, but I do think you made a few poor judgement calls here.

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redheaddtit − YTA holyyyyy moly especially after reading your comments. I’m curious as to how old you are and why your Aunt has this much control over your own actions. She’s an ahole too, obviously, but it seems like you absolutely refuse to take responsibility for your own ahole actions.

When she told you the dress code was casual did she elaborate and say redneck tailgating casual or did she leave it at “casual”. You said you don’t want to apologize because you aren’t close to your cousin, and seem to want to put all the blame on your Aunt.

But you went to his wedding, which is a serious & personal event, and you had fun. You upset them on one of the biggest days of their lives, and you embarrassed yourself. You owe them an apology. I guess don’t apologize if you can’t own up to your mistakes,

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but if you give a nice apology, “Hey I’m really sorry about the dress code confusion. I hope I didn’t spoil your big day. Your wedding was awesome and we had a lot of fun”.. you can probably save being known as the girl who wore daisy dukes to a wedding (lol)

Background_Fox − Massive YTA for the aunt, minor YTA for you and NTA for the cousin whose special day was messed up. I'm a little baffled over it though. Your aunt was bitching about it for ages, you didn't actually check what was an unusual dress code - enough that you'd expect it to be highlighted on the invite if it was

and the other guests hadn't changed, including the bride and groom. It's not your fault that you got bad info but c'mon, the only person who mentions it is the one who's been moaning?

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Didn't one person say 'isn't that a bit odd?' The only weddings I've ever had with dress codes mentioned is where they either have something really, really specific or something different to the usual 'smart attire'.

Splatterfilm − YTA. Casual for a wedding is closer to “casual office” attire. Or brunch for those who dress for it. A cute sundress and neat, clean sandals. Presses khakis or slacks and a polo or button down. You need to use a little sense. Daisy Dukes and a hoodie wouldn’t be even appropriate at a backyard BBQ wedding.

Xgirly789 − YTA. Daisy dukes are NEVER acceptable for a wedding. Ever.

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Redditors mostly pinned the aunt as the villain but didn’t let the OP off easy, calling her outfit a major misstep. Some urged an apology, others mocked the “Daisy Dukes” vibe. But do these takes capture the full story, or just fuel the drama?

This wedding saga shows how a single lie can unravel a celebration. The aunt’s sabotage set the stage, but the OP’s casual attire and dismissal of the couple’s hurt fanned the flames. Weddings call for respect, not assumptions. How would you handle a family member’s misleading info at a big event? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this stylish drama!

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