AITAH for getting mad at my husband for doing exactly what I asked him to do with child’s care?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The front door swings open, and in walks a husband, home a week early from a 20-day work trip, greeted by his sleep-deprived wife’s weary smile. For a moment, joy fills their home as she cradles their teething 7-month-old, thrilled by his surprise return and shiny new promotion. But the glow fades fast. After weeks of solo parenting across the country from family, she begs for a single hour to breathe. What happens next? A parenting fumble that sparks a fiery clash, leaving her questioning if she’s the bad guy for losing it.

This Reddit tale of exhaustion and unmet expectations hits home for many new parents. With military life pulling them far from support, her plea for help collides with his reluctance, setting the stage for a raw, relatable story of love, stress, and reconciliation.

‘AITAH for getting mad at my husband for doing exactly what I asked him to do with child’s care?’

My (29F) husband (30M) has been gone for 20 days for work with absolutely no contact, leaving me to take care of our 7 month old alone with no family support (opposite side of country). Unannounced he walked in the door this morning (1 week before expected) and surprised me! I was so happy, especially with no sleep with our teething LO for almost a month.

He also told me he received a long awaited work promotion. I was super proud of him. The day goes on I am caring for the LO and eventually I ask for one hour to myself. He makes excuses why he can’t take the baby. Three hours later after laying around he finally takes him. I tell him I just fed him, just rock him to sleep.

I wake up & it’s an hour later- the baby screaming loudly in distress. I ask him when did he sleep, eat, get a diaper change? He said he did none of that. He held him while on his phone & maybe played with/rocked him. I was livid! I said some pretty n**ty things about him being the cause of my anxiety since I didn’t have it when he was gone.

Also he needs to do more, like 15% of baby care, even with me on extended maternity leave. I told him he needs to do a parenting class to build up his skills, this of course offended him. But after 7 months you shouldn’t be hesitate of diapering/dressing/bathing a baby. I am just so tired of feeling like the only caregiver.

My husbands career is the reason why we’re far away & I am SAHM. I feel that I should be able to get a break after 20 days. Argument went back & forth, things got heated & he left for the night (work stuff) without saying goodbye. Now I am rocking the baby to sleep and typing this out. AlTAH for getting mad at my husband for not doing more for the baby after I told him to rock him to sleep?

Update/Edit: my husband and I had a discussion when he got home and I apologized as did he. The way I communicated my needs was not appropriate in my timing and words. He forgave me and we are working to partner better for the best environment for our LO. I also finally got some sleep and feel like a new person!

We spent the next day having a family day. And today (Father’s Day) I got 3 hours to myself to shower, get my nails done & shop for some gifts. He encouraged me to go- while he took care of the baby! Thank you everyone for your responses, critical and supportive.

I appreciate your advice on marriage, new parents and military life. For those wondering about his occupation, he truly had no contact- his email did not work despite all efforts. I’ll definitely look out for signs of “weaponized incompetence” and make appropriate actions such as couples therapy to address is.

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New parenthood can feel like navigating a storm, especially when one partner’s been away for weeks. This mom’s anger at her husband’s failure to care for their 7-month-old during her requested break is raw and real. She’s not just exhausted; she’s shouldering the full weight of parenting alone, a common struggle for military spouses far from family. He, basking in a promotion, seems to assume his work excuses him from diaper duty, leaving her feeling like a single parent.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, emphasizes, “Partners who share parenting responsibilities build stronger bonds through mutual trust” , worsened by military life’s demands.

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This story reflects a broader issue: gendered expectations in parenting. Many working parents, especially men, view home duties as secondary, leaving stay-at-home partners overwhelmed. A 2023 study found 65% of mothers handle most childcare, even in dual-income homes . For military families, long absences amplify this divide, making reintegration tricky. Her push for him to step up isn’t just about one hour—it’s about partnership.

Couples therapy, which they’re considering, could help them align. Practical steps like shared chore charts or parenting workshops can ease the load. Military bases often offer spouse support groups, providing community and resources . Their recent apologies and family time are steps forward, but consistency is key. Both should carve out clear roles, ensuring she gets breaks and he builds confidence as a dad. Open communication, not blame, will keep their family strong.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for this mom’s plight. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, buzzing with cheers for her and side-eyes for her husband’s parenting flop.

Pleasant-Koala147 − If you think he’s the cause of your anxiety and you’re feeling o**rwhelmed and under-supported, could you go back to your family for a visit for a while. Take some time to get some support (and sleep) and think about what you want moving forward.

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Anteater3100 − My husband would be gone for 6 weeks at a time working when our oldest was a baby. He’d come home, and I got an entire day to myself. My husband took over basically everything. Did he do it like I did it, nope.

Did I give a damn, also nope. I got to sleep, take a shower, I didn’t have to wash dishes or figure out dinner. So glad when that stopped, and he was home daily.. Nta. He needs to be an adult and help take care of y’all’s kid.

CJCreggsGoldfish − NTAH because it sounds like weaponized incompetence - she said rock the baby to sleep, she didn't say feed him if he gets hungry or change his diaper if he fills it! I'm a functional adult who just got a promotion but I can't be expected to apply problem-solving skills to these sort of issues!

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training_tortoises − NTA. sounds like he's not even doing the bare minimum as a dad

Last_Caterpillar8770 − This is tough and I will say a major reason for divorce in military families. I will tell you that the military often has spouse support groups to be there for the SOs and LOs left at home. You are both most likely o**rwhelmed and exhausted for different reasons obviously.

So reach out to the base chaplain. They know usually know who runs the support groups and can also set up counseling for you and your spouse to work through this tough time. You’re doing great mama. No judgment on this post. Just kind words.

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LargeWiseOwl − What was he doing for 20 days that put him completely out of contact with you?

Foxyfumbles − NTA - You are o**rwhelmed and a loving partner would help their struggling one not do basically nothing

anonny42357 − NTA. This whole narrative that a working parent can ignore childcare if the other parent stays home is utter b**lshit. An 8 (or 10, or 12) hour day of work is not equal to an 18- 24 hour day of childcare, and housework and meal prep. It simply isn't.

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You do not get to act like the stay-at-home parent isn't also working their ass off to make sure your kid doesn't die and tries to to be a functional human. Your husband is being a lazy d**k. Don't put up with it. It's his kid too, and his responsibility too.

happyasaclamtoo − When men don’t want to do something they will act as incompetent as possible to get you to do yourself out of sheer frustration. There needs to be a discussion about what your expectations are in parenting and weight pulling.

Men often feel that when they are home their work is done. And childcare is more work. There has to be an understanding between both of you as to how you can both get your own personal time, and some together time, and family time. Balance is hard to achieve.

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Writer_Girl04 − When my sister was a newborn I was 13, I babysat with my brother who was 14 at the time. If we could remember to give her her last bottle before bed, change her nappy, make sure she had her nappy cream then rock her to sleep before carefully placing her in her crib, your grown husband can look after your kid for one hour.. EDIT: NTA

These Redditors rallied behind her, slamming his “weaponized incompetence” or urging her to seek support groups. Some saw his inaction as a deliberate dodge; others offered practical tips like military spouse networks. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

This couple’s rocky moment shines a light on the chaos of new parenthood, especially under military life’s strain. Their apologies and family day hint at a path forward, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Balancing love, work, and a screaming baby takes teamwork—and maybe a few parenting classes. What would you do if you were in her shoes, desperate for a break? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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