AITA for not accepting food as a payment towards personal debt?

In a cozy new apartment, a young couple and their brother-in-law dreamed of a fresh start, splitting bills down the middle like a perfectly sliced pizza. But the harmony soured when the brother’s wallet stayed shut, leaving the couple to foot hefty move-in costs and rent alone. Frustration simmered as unpaid bills piled up, and his offer of takeout as “payment” sparked a heated clash.

The Reddit post spills the tea on this financial fiasco, painting a vivid picture of a household teetering on the edge of fairness. With the couple juggling a toddler and a baby on the way, the brother’s casual approach to debts favoring video games over bills stirs a relatable debate about family, money, and responsibility.

‘AITA for not accepting food as a payment towards personal debt?’

I (23M) and my wife (20F) recently decided to move into our own place. my brother (22M) was looking to move as well, and he really didn’t want to live alone so we agree he could move with us and we would split all the bills 50/50. Since moving in together, my wife and i have paid SIGNIFICANTLY more than 50%.

we agreed to pay to the move in fees and deposit, and were expecting to split the first months rent ($1600). we ended up paying the FULL rent for him, which made the total up front payment come out to about $2600, but all three of us failed to communicate what the expectations were regarding that, so we let it slide.

but then, he came to us and said he didn’t have enough money for his half of the rent for the second month ($800). we had the money for it, and didn’t want to be evicted on only our second month there, so we agreed to pay it but he has to pay us back and start working more side jobs cause we do NOT want to pay for him again in the future.

he’s paid his side of the rent since then, but he hasn’t contributed to the light bill or internet bill or groceries at all since moving in. we’ve paid for that 100%. the only payment he’s made was he gave us $80, and we decided to count that as his contribution towards the internet for that month cause it’s about half.

today while playing video games, he brought up that he wanted to buy the new call of duty for a friend. i mentioned the fact that he hasn’t been paying us anything for the bills or paying us back the personal debt for when we paid his side of the rent and he should really prioritize that and not video games.

his excuse was that he’s bought my wife and i food a few times, and we should’ve been counting the cost of the food as payments. this seems ridiculous cause 1. it was never agreed upon before hand 2. he OFFERS the food and we’ve only actually accepted it maybe like 3 times 3. we also buy HIM food and 4. as i said before, we buy ALL the groceries which he also eats.

so i told him that no, food does not count as payments towards bills or towards what he owes us, and he got upset about that and said he was gonna stop buying us food. i said that’s fine, i’d rather him pay his bills. AITA for not counting food as currency? last time i checked, i can’t really send a burger to the light company

Moving in together seemed like a win-win for this couple and their brother, but unpaid bills turned their dream home into a financial tug-of-war. The husband and wife, already stretched thin with a toddler and another baby coming, carried the full load of rent and utilities, while the brother’s offer of food as repayment fell flat.

ADVERTISEMENT

His failure to prioritize debts over luxuries like video games highlights a deeper issue of accountability. Dr. Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert, notes, “Clear agreements are the backbone of shared finances—without them, resentment festers” .

The 50/50 split, while agreed upon, feels lopsided given the couple’s larger household. The brother, a single occupant, uses less space and resources, yet committed to half the costs—a deal he’s not upholding. This imbalance mirrors broader issues in multi-person households, where fairness often hinges on proportional contributions, not equal splits.

ADVERTISEMENT

To resolve this, the trio needs a sit-down to rewrite their agreement, as Sethi suggests, detailing exact contributions for rent, utilities, and groceries. A written contract could prevent further misunderstandings, and regular check-ins could keep everyone accountable. The couple might also consider a fairer split, like 60/40, reflecting occupancy. This approach fosters transparency and invites readers to share their own roommate financial fixes.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users leaned heavily toward supporting the husband, arguing that food doesn’t pay bills and the brother’s lack of contribution is unfair. They praised the couple’s patience but urged a clearer financial agreement to avoid future disputes.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, some questioned the 50/50 split, noting the couple’s larger household should bear more costs. The consensus called for a candid discussion to reset expectations, with many suggesting the brother’s casual attitude might soon push him out the door.

Urbanyeti0 - NTA, but you need to all go away and decide what each of your expectations are of each other and then come together to have adult conversation together about it.. Then write up what you all agree and each sign it to confirm you agree.

ADVERTISEMENT

phantom_67 - NTA. But why is he paying a full half? Do you and your wife share purely one room? Does he pay a full half for utilities too? Or is that split three ways

sminthos - ESH. I think expecting him to pay half the rent (and utilities?) for three people is unreasonable. Now, he definitely needs to pay you his share of the rent back and help with the grocery and other bills, and I don't think that buying dinner every once in awhile counts, period.

[Reddit User] - ESH he should be paying his FAIR share without excuses and you should pay your 2/3 of living expenses and rent. That being said, you need to stalk talking to each other and solve this like adults y'all trying to be

ADVERTISEMENT

Nachofresh86 - YTA. He should be paying 1/3 at the most. You should stop having kids you can’t afford. 3 of you in one room expect to pay 50% and him the other 50%? Hell no. He should be keeping up on his portion of payments though

and it’s not your job to budget his money for him. Make a proper split and kick him out or move if he won’t pay his portion. But I slightly understand his frustration given you are taking advantage.

LemonZest2 - You aren't his mother and parents. Stop treating him like a son. You are mothering him to much. First of all. Is there a reason why he isn't living with your parents? Did your mom kick him out?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - YTA! A 50/50 split is NOT FAIR! I am sure he will realise this and move out, because you are being unfair. So he is one person and you pay equal to house 3 if you include your child. This should be a 3 way split between the adults. You have been sneaky in selling him this, and he probably only accepted out of desperation. Shame on you!!

ThatThreesome - ESH. You both are feeling shafted & rightfully so. You failed to mention in the post YOU HAVE A 1YO & SOON A NEWBORN TOO?? Why is he paying 50/50 when you will have FOUR people in the house, 2 are young kids who scream / cry, & the 3 of them will be constantly around using the common space???.

Also, why are you upset he hasn't contributed to utilities when they haven't even begun billing for them yet? Sure, your brother is TA for thinking food would settle the debt, but I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't move out soon based on this arrangement. This is insane.

ADVERTISEMENT

jkell2000 - NTA the food sounds like it might even out over time and shouldn't count for the debt. The fact that he's not contributing to the household bills either is concerning. Does he have the money? One thing that had me close to E S H if he hadn't agreed to it himself is why is he a single person paying half when you are a couple.

You may only have 1 room between 2 so it shouldn't be split into thirds but surely you still take up more than half the space and resources. Personally I dont think a 50/50 split is fair but he agreed to it and is not paying you for what's agreed so NTA

vimse85 - ESH - Splitting everything 50/50 when you guys are 3 ppl soon 4, and he is just the 1 person isn't fair. You guys naturally use more of everything than he does, and since she's SAHM even more so.

ADVERTISEMENT

But he should pay you back his fair share of the rent and bills so far, but it really should not be half as he technically uses 1/4. Though 1yo probably doesn't use as much yet but still.. Sit down and go over the finances properly, it really should be split in 3, not 2.

This tale of unpaid bills and misplaced burgers reveals the chaos of unclear financial agreements. The couple’s frustration is palpable, yet the brother’s offer of food shows a disconnect in priorities. A written contract could save their household harmony or signal it’s time to part ways. Have you navigated tricky roommate finances? Share your stories of splitting bills and keeping the peace.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *