AITA for telling my husband I’ll go back to work if he doesn’t give me 50% of his earnings?

Picture a cozy home, where a frazzled mom juggles diapers, dishes, and a sulky husband who treats her like a live-in maid. Once a high-earner, she traded her career for stay-at-home motherhood, only to find herself drowning in chores and dipping into savings to keep the household afloat. This Reddit saga, dripping with frustration, sees her draw a line: pay up or she’s back to work. The tension is thicker than a stack of unpaid bills.

Her ultimatum—50% of his earnings and 25% of the chores—sparks a firestorm, with her husband pouting like a toddler denied dessert. Reddit’s buzzing with opinions, from cheers for her backbone to raised eyebrows at their financial mess. Is she justified in demanding her share, or is this a risky power play? Let’s unpack this domestic drama, where love, labor, and money collide.

‘AITA for telling my husband I’ll go back to work if he doesn’t give me 50% of his earnings?’

I'm currently a SAHM. I never wanted to be one, but when I had my kid, it broke my heart when I could barely spend time with her due to my work. I wanted at least one parent to be with her while she grows up, he wanted the same too.

So I decided to quit my job. I had some savings, I could manage for a while. He told me he'd support us well. I was earning thrice as much as him, and our lifestyle would take a temporary hit, but we wouldn't be in trouble.

When we both were working, we mostly split the chores 50/50, but now it became 100 me, and 0 him. I was taking care of the baby, the house, groceries, taxes, walking the dog, cleaning and watering, maintenance, etc.

I was beyond exhausted. I asked him for help occasionally and he made a big show of doing it, said I'm not going to work anyway, so I should be doing all of this by myself with no help from him. I agree that I should be doing a lot, but not everything?

He would act like he was a benevolent god if he washed one dish, and it was getting on my nerves. He wanted me to cook what he wanted whenever he wanted, learn to cook new things for him when he felt like it, to do his laundry and clean up after him constantly, which pissed me off.

I also realized I was still paying for most of the household expenses from my savings, and he was barely contributing anything. So I told him that he's treating me like trash, like a live in maid, and I can't take being ignored and expected to serve him constantly.

He told me this is what a SAHM should do. So I told him that unless he gives me 50% of his salary for household expenses and baby expenses and contributes at home at least 25%, I will go back to work.

He threw a huge fit about it, and I called up my old job, who had been dying to have me back, and set up an interview (a formality honestly, they will take me back with no questions asked). He's sulking, saying I should be home with the baby. I'd rather continue to earn and come home to the baby than act as his butler.. AITA? I really don't know.

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This stay-at-home mom’s revolt exposes a marriage teetering on unequal footing. Her husband’s refusal to share chores or funds, despite her carrying the household load, screams disrespect. “Partnerships thrive on mutual contribution,” says Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, in a Gottman Institute article (Source). His research shows 70% of couples cite unfair division of labor as a key conflict driver, perfectly mirrored here.

The mom’s exhaustion is palpable—she’s not just raising a child but managing everything, while her husband acts entitled to her labor. His minimal contributions, paired with expecting her to fund expenses from savings, flips their agreement on its head. She sacrificed a high-earning career for their child, yet he treats her like hired help. His sulking over her work threat suggests control, not partnership.

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This reflects broader issues in domestic labor. A 2023 Pew Research study found 60% of mothers in dual-income households still handle most chores, with stay-at-home moms facing even heavier loads (Source). Her 50% demand, while bold, underscores a cry for fairness in a shared life.

Dr. Gottman advises “turning toward” each other’s needs. The couple could negotiate a chore split—perhaps 30% for him—and pool all income into a joint account for transparency. Her job interview is a smart move to regain leverage, but counseling might help them rebuild trust.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up fiery takes with a side of sympathy. Here’s the scoop from the online jury—grab some popcorn for this one.

Justaroundtown − NTA. Go back to work. He’s awful. You’ll need your income for the divorce and sadly you’ll end up paying him alimony cuz you make so much more.

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NorseShieldmaiden − NTA. Why isn’t he a SAHF if you earned so much more than him?. You’re not just his free live-in maid. You actually pay for it. It makes absolutely zero sense.

Funkativity − NTA but... I was still paying for most of the household expenses from my savings, and he was barely contributing anything. seems like your marriage has zero financial planning. he's obviously an ass but this is also on you for letting it get this far.. this is a conversation that needed to happen before the kid(well, before the wedding, preferably)

Jenivere7 − NTA.. He's the sole financial contributer to the household but expects you to pay the household costs from savings? Unreal.

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suck-ulent − NTA!!. This irritates and upsets me to read because this is exactly what my father did to my mother. You are not a maid. You are a mum , a super mum it sounds it.

He can’t expect you to do everything at his command on the daily , being the sole income earner does not give someone the right to treat their partner like s**t. I hope you’re okay and can figure out something where you can go back to work and look after yourself more.

longweekends − NTA, but I disagree with your 50% request. **100% of his income belongs to the family**, to be first spent keeping the family housed, fed and clothed, and then on whatever else you both agree to - fun money for each of you, savings, whatever.

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[Reddit User] − NTA what are you getting out of this marriage?

Screaming-Harpy − NTA, he sounds not very bright and has totally missed the point of what a SAHM does. Tell him if he feels so strongly he can stay at home and be treated the way he is treating you. I bet the farm that he doesn't take that offer up. At this point with the sulking etc it sounds like you are dealing with two children, maybe you should ditch one.

FireEbonyashes − NTA. SAHM IS A JOB . The fact that op had to take from her own savings to fund the household bills is ridiculous. Also sahm is also a 24/7 job compared to his since she is taking on the kid and household.

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Him not wanting to atleast give her a break or even funds for the work she does makes him an ungrateful ahole. He threw a tantrum and now is sulking saying that she should be with the baby. Honestly I think this is a control thing.

He wants his wife at home constantly and to be serving him whenever he wants to keep tabs on her. OP you may want to think and reassess your relationship if you two think about having more kids if he is this childish.

67MidnightRider − NTA AT ALL!! Jesus Christ does your husband realise it’s 2020? Men aren’t automatically put on a pedestal to be worshipped by their wives anymore. He absolutely is TA for treating you this way

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and I think you two need to either have a long hard talk, get him some kind of help to get to the bottom of why he thinks it’s okay to treat the mother of his child this way, or maybe even seperate. I apologise if at any point I came across harsh, this is a trigger for me.

It makes me furious when things like this happen, men help make the babies, they can damn well step up and stop acting like damn babies themselves and start acting like the fathers they want to call themselves.

These Redditors are Team Mom, but are they overlooking the bigger picture? Is her ultimatum a power move or a desperate plea for respect?

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This tale of a fed-up mom shows how quickly a dream of family togetherness can sour without teamwork. Her bold stand—demanding half his pay and a quarter of the chores—forces a reckoning, but the path forward needs compromise and respect. What would you do if your partner treated you like a servant instead of a spouse? Drop your stories and advice below—let’s keep this fiery debate going!

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