AITA for not wanting to look after my unborn brother?

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Family can be a cozy quilt—until someone pulls the threads. For a 19-year-old uni student, her dad’s joy over a new baby came with a catch: he expects her to drop her job and studies to play nanny. Jokes about diaper duty turned into demands to quit work, sparking tension in their shared home. With a student loan and bills, she pushed back, insisting it’s not her child, not her burden.

Now, her family calls her a brat, preaching “family helps family,” but she sees a double standard—her young parents got help, so why must she sacrifice? As her dad guilt-trips her with “don’t you love your brother?” she’s digging in. Was she wrong to draw the line? This Reddit tale unravels the messy tug-of-war between family duty and personal dreams, where saying no feels like a rebellion.

‘AITA for not wanting to look after my unborn brother?’

Ok so I’m (19F) and my dad and his wife had been talking about wanting a kid together for a couple years and last year they finally went through IVF and she’s due in June, yay! I’m a full time uni student I’ve been living at home with them and leading up to their decision my dad was constantly asking if I was ok with having a sibling.

Tbh I didn’t didn’t feel it was my place to even say anything. They’re a couple and if they want a kid then cool. Anyway, about 3-4 months or so ago my dad started making jokes about delegating the sucky jobs to me, like diaper changing and staying up till the insane hours of the morning with him and babysitting, etc.

and I laughed a lot of it off because he has a very strange sense of humour, but in the last month or so he started getting annoyed when I did? It wasn’t until one day we had a conversation about the baby being a handful and he said “well since you don’t have to pay board and only work 3 days a week you can just quit your job and babysit so we can have a break.”

Of course I thought this was a joke because there’s no way he could be serious but then he got mad and said “well you will have to look after him, he’s your brother and this is how family works”. Now this didn’t sit right with me and so I said “no I still have expenses like my phone bill,

paying for transport to get to uni and work, and the fact that I have a student loan” he didn’t really respond and just walked away. Ever since he’s been saying stuff like “you can afford to take a couple days off uni if we need it right?” and “this is what being an adult is about, you look after family, don’t you love your brother?”

I’ve honestly gotten really sick of the expectation that since they’re having a kid I have to drop everything for it so “they can have a break”. I believe once you create that responsibility you don’t get a break for 18yrs, and if I wanted to parent a child and put my life on hold I would’ve made the same decision my mother did and would have had one at 17 (we have a very rocky relationship if any at all).

Till now I have put my foot down that it’s not my kid and not my responsibility, and I’m happy to help out as long as it suits my work and uni schedule, but the rest of my family have started calling me a brat and that family looks after each other. Since my parents were super young when they had me they had so much help from my grandparents

and aunt that I almost considered myself raised by them rather than my own parents, from this I kind of feel like my dads expecting this to happen again with my brother. I always believed I was in the right but now my entire family is disagreeing with me,

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even my aunt who is always the voice of reason and now I’m wondering if I am being selfish. my dad and his wife expect me to put my work and uni on hold to look after my brother once he’s born so they can have a break. AITA for saying no?

Family ties shouldn’t feel like chains, but this 19-year-old’s dad is piling on the guilt. Expecting her to quit her job or skip uni to babysit her unborn brother isn’t just unfair—it’s a boundary violation. Her refusal to become a stand-in parent is a stand for her future, not selfishness.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, says, “Children aren’t obligated to parent their siblings; that’s the adults’ job.” The dad’s push, cloaked in “family duty,” ignores her responsibilities—uni, work, and bills. His past, leaning on family when he was a young parent, doesn’t justify offloading his new child onto her. The guilt-tripping—“don’t you love your brother?”—is manipulative, not supportive.

This reflects a broader issue: parentification, where kids are forced into caregiving roles, affects 10% of families and can hinder personal growth. Her dad’s expectations mirror his own experience, but they dismiss her autonomy. Her offer to help within her schedule is generous; demanding more risks resentment.

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Dr. Markham suggests clear, calm communication to reset boundaries. She could say, “I’m excited to be a sister, but I can’t parent. I need to focus on uni and work.” A family meeting to discuss realistic support—like hiring a sitter—could ease tensions. If guilt persists, she might explore moving out to protect her independence. Therapy could help her navigate family pressure without caving.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, unloading a mix of outrage and support for this young woman’s stand. Here’s what they had to say:

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Chairchucker − NTA. Asking you to help out a bit is one thing, but suggesting you quit your job or skip out on uni? Totally unacceptable. Is it at all possible for you to move out?

SoberBlitzen − NTA. I am *floored* by how many posts I see where a parent decides to have a kid later in life, and then has the *audacity* to assume that their first kid is some sort of built in parachute. It’s like everyone got together and watched 17 Kids and Counting,

or however many kids that poor clown car of a vagina has spat out, and thought it was a great idea to have your older kids raising your younger kids.. End rant.. Edit: Thank you, u/Kongrik for the award! My very first award ever! Dear Diary.... Edit 2: Another one?! Thank you u/0B-A-E0!

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Lemon_Pledge40 − NTA. He's right, that is what being an adult is like, so he should look after his own kid. Don't have kids if you don't want to take care of them. Your dad sounds entitled. You're not having a kid, so he isn't inherently your responsibility whenever they decide they need it to be.

sivheidrun − NTA. You had no hand in making the baby so it's not your responsibility. Your dad asking you to QUIT YOUR JOB just so he doesn't have to act like a father to the child in the gross times is selfish. It would be marginally less rude if they offered to pay you what you'd be missing out on (or more) from calling out of work. But that's still pretty dumps. :(

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your dad and mom got an easier ride bc they were very young and needed help. Your dad and his wife don't need that. It might be time to consider moving out.

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Onbekend_ − This isn't how family works. The older sibling isn't supposed to take care of the younger sibling, whether it's months or 19 years apart. You don't exist to help/babysit your little brother. You can assist whenever you feel like it, but you should never feel forced in any way.

ThatB1tchIrene − Obvious NTA.. Like you said, he's not your child, he's not your responsibility. Seeming as you live with them I understand them expecting you to help out here and there, may be baby sit now and again if they need it, but no you definitely.shouldnt be quitting your job to look after him.. I'm Not sure what's wrong with your familt, sorry

rougatre7 − NTA. They are using FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) to avoid their own responsibilities as parents and to pass it to you for free.. The next time, the conversation should go like this:. Dad: Do you love your brother?. You: Do you love the son that YOU produced?

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Dad: Yes and I am already doing some of the parental responsibilities while you are not doing your part as a sister.. You: Do you love your daughter who didn’t choose to have her own baby at this point?. I wouldn’t be surprised if they use proverbs as tools for manipulation, like Honour thy mother and thy father.

throwaway19874874 − Don't cave. They don't even have the baby yet, and they already don't want it. You will end up being the parent to this kid if you cave to them, they will push and push and make you do more and more and your family will continue to guilt you if you put your foot down. Just blankly refuse.

If they turn up saying they are going out for dinner without clearing it with you first, just leave so they cannot leave their child alone. NTA. To anyone who thinks OP is TA; please do not have children you are not willing to look after and do the bare minimum for. Stop relying on older children to be parental figures because 'muh family'.

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bethfawn − NTA, If you have a kid it’s your responsibility to make sure you can care for them, if they were going to rely on you for help, they should have asked you before they got pregnant. It’s also really s**tty that they expect you to take time off from your studies, putting one child before another, your parents should always have your best interests at heart, and they’re not doing that.. If you aren’t willing to look after a baby, you shouldn’t have a baby.

These Redditors are fired up, but do their rants overlook the dad’s perspective?

This student’s refusal to parent her unborn brother isn’t a snub—it’s a claim to her own life. Her dad’s guilt trips and family’s “brat” label sting, but expecting her to derail uni and work for their choice is unfair. Family helps, sure, but not at the cost of her dreams. What would you do under this pressure? Drop your thoughts or experiences below—how do you draw lines when family expects too much?

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