AITA for telling my mom to stop pulling my dress down?

Under the sweltering sun of a late summer afternoon, a backyard buzzes with laughter and pastel balloons, celebrating a soon-to-be mom. But for the 33-year-old guest of honor, radiant yet weighed down by her nine-month baby bump, the joy is tinged with irritation. Her mother, armed with conservative instincts, keeps tugging at her short dress, sparking a quiet battle over autonomy. The dress, a breezy choice for the 90-degree heat, becomes a flashpoint, turning a festive baby shower into a stage for clashing boundaries.

This pregnant woman, fiercely independent, loves her mother dearly but chafes at being treated like a child. Each tug on her dress pulls at her patience, forcing her to draw a line in front of family and friends. Her sharp “Stop” hangs in the air, leaving her mother distant and the party’s warmth dimmed. Her story, a relatable tug-of-war between love and control, invites us to explore where family care ends and personal freedom begins.

‘AITA for telling my mom to stop pulling my dress down?’

I know the title makes it sound kind of bizarre, so I’ll explain a little more. I’m currently nine months pregnant and my mom and older sister threw me a small baby shower this weekend. It was mainly family and a few friends, about 15 people total. It was held outside so we were able to practice social distancing.

Where I live, it is currently 85-90 degrees Fahrenheit during the day. Therefore, I chose to wear a short dress with shorts underneath. My dress was form fitting up top and then flared out at the bottom, and went to a few inches above me knees. I knew the dress would be a bit short, but it was hot and I had shorts underneath just in case.

As soon as I arrived and walked up to greet my mom, she immediately pulled down on my dress to cover more of my legs. I told her I knew it was a bit short, but I had shorts underneath and it was uncomfortable pulled down like that and pulled it back up where it was supposed to be. She then proceeded to do it again and I just pulled it back up.

She did it one more time and I looked at her and just said, “Stop.” At that point, I know I came across irritated and a bit abrasive. My mom walked off soon after that and acted distant and upset. The thing is, I’m 33 years old and don’t need my mom to police my wardrobe.

She’s fairly conservative, so I tried to be nice about it, but it infuriates me when she keeps doing something I’ve asked her to stop because, “I’m just being a mom.” I felt really insecure about the dress for the remainder of the shower and found myself worrying about it.

The reason I ask if I’m the a**hole is because it seemed like I genuinely hurt her feelings. She was distant and didn’t engage with me much throughout the rest of the shower. So AITA? Should apologize for snapping at her?

Edit: I appreciate all the comments, I didn’t expect to get this much support! I wanted to give a few more details: -I’m 5’3 and wore a dress that was not designated as a maternity dress, so it did ride up a bit in the front because of my bump. I’m pretty much ALL belly at this point. However, you never saw my shorts underneath.

My mom and I have a close relationship but she does tend to feel down because she doesn’t feel needed. I’m pretty independent and like to tackle challenges on my own. She’s mentioned how this is difficult for her because she wants to be there to help.

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I’ve been setting more boundaries as I’ve gotten older. I’ve noticed that when I do this, she seems to get upset because she feels like she’s done something wrong. I end up questioning myself and often apologizing because I’ve upset her. Hence why I wasn’t sure if I was the a**hole here.

Finally, with the above statements, I worry I’ve painted my mom in a bad light. She has always been there for me and this is obviously just a snapshot of our relationship. I love her dearly and know she will be an amazing grandma, she already is to the six other grandkids!

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A baby shower should be a celebration, but this one became a battleground over personal boundaries. The woman’s firm response to her mother’s dress-tugging reflects a deeper need for autonomy, especially poignant at 33 and pregnant. Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner, quoted in Psychology Today (Psychology Today), says, “Setting boundaries with loved ones is hard but essential for healthy relationships.” The mother’s actions, driven by conservatism, overstepped by ignoring her daughter’s clear objections, creating tension.

The woman’s irritation stems from her mother’s refusal to respect her choices, compounded by their close yet complex dynamic. Her mother’s sadness, as noted in the post, may tie to feeling unneeded, a common issue for parents of independent children. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology (APA) found that 45% of parents struggle with boundary-setting as their adult children assert independence, often leading to emotional distancing.

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For resolution, the woman could calmly reaffirm her boundaries, perhaps saying, “Mom, I love you, but I need you to respect my clothing choices.” Dr. Lerner advises acknowledging the parent’s care while holding firm, which could ease hurt feelings. A heartfelt talk post-shower, focusing on mutual respect, might mend the rift. The woman’s shorts under the dress show her foresight, proving her capability

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad showed up for this wardrobe showdown like it was a family barbecue with extra spice. From cheering the woman’s boundary-setting to calling out her mother’s overreach, the comments are a lively mix of support and sass. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your mother was asked more than once to stop pulling on your dress and refused to do so. You had every right to say it in a tone that would demand her attention. You’re an adult and get to dress however you choose.

Texasworld − NTA. For starters, a few inches above the knee hardly constitutes a short dress. But frankly, it doesn’t matter if you were wearing a floor length ball gown or a mini skirt. Your mom doesn’t get to go up to you, a grown adult, and pull down your dress. Btw, you have every right to sound abrasive and irritated when telling someone to stop touching you *for the third time.*

antipatico_6 − NTA. It's well within your rights to tell anyone, no matter their intentions or how much they love you, not to put their hands on you. Your body, your clothes. You didn't even insult her, you just gave her a firm, 'Stop.'

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Moreover, it worked, and might have been the only way to get her to stop handling you that way. I'm sorry this experience put a damper on your baby shower. I'm close to your age, and if my mom were to adjust my clothes like I was a 6-year-old getting ready for school again, I'd react the same way.

classactdynamo − The reason I ask if I’m the a**hole is because it seemed like I genuinely hurt her feelings. NTA. You did not *hurt* her feelings. Hurting someone's feelings is when you lash out at someone and say something uncalled-for that attacks a personal trait, for example.

What you did here was repeatedly defend your own bodily autonomy, which highlighted the fact that your mother's conservatism and how she wields it to interfere in the affairs of others is **out of line** and a form of *concern trolling*.

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She's pouting and licking her wounds because you have brought her inappropriate behavior to light, and it is easier to pout and act wronged than it is to admit a failing and apologize. Do not apologize or backtrack. You acted correctly to defend your autonomy. **Set some boundaries now before that child is born!**

MyArse37 − NTA. You are an adult. She can respect your choice, or ask you to leave her home. I also don't believe there was anything wrong with the outfit based on the information presented.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Her behaviour would be appropriate if you were a three year old who hadn’t realised their dress had gotten caught up while playing and was showing her underwear. As an adult who was dressing according to the weather, she was being silly.

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no_sunrise − NTA. My mom did the same thing throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood. The only reason she doesn't anymore is the good 1,500 miles between us. She'd go 'Cover up, your chest is showing!' in this dramatic hushed tone and yank my top up. My shirts were not any reasonable person's definition of low cut.

Heaven forbid the slightest risk that any cleavage -might-show. The euphemism was just obnoxious, too. The memory alone is viscerally irritating. If your relationship with your mom is otherwise good, maybe apologize for snapping at her to keep the peace, but what she did is incredibly irritating and you're NTA.

Mx_Strange − NTA. Don't mess with people's clothes, it's not hard.

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muiyanyan − NTA. Why is this such a hard concept for people to understand? If people don't want to be touched, don't touch them!. Imagine if she had pulled your dress so low that your top half became exposed, what then.

pi35 − NTA . I wouldn't have been so nice about it

These Redditors rallied behind the woman’s right to her style, with some joking about moms treating adults like toddlers. But do these bold takes capture the whole story, or are they just fanning the flames of family drama?

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This story of a dress tugged too far weaves a familiar tale of love, control, and the quest for autonomy. The woman’s stand at her baby shower, while sparking tension, underscores the power of setting boundaries, even with those we cherish. Her mother’s hurt feelings highlight the delicate dance of family ties, where good intentions can misstep. How would you handle a loved one crossing your personal boundaries at a big moment? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation flowing.

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