AITA for leaving early mother’s day celebrations after what my MIL said?

In a sunlit dining room, a young woman sits at a Mother’s Day gathering, surrounded by her husband’s family. The air feels heavy with unspoken tension, as her mother-in-law (MIL) has never warmed to her, preferring to keep relationships neatly boxed. When a raw conversation about past choices takes a painful turn, the woman finds herself at the center of a stinging revelation, forcing her to decide whether to stay or walk away.

This Reddit story hums with the ache of family friction, as a single comment unravels a fragile gathering. With a touch of heartbreak and a flicker of defiance, it captures a woman’s struggle to hold her ground in a family that pushes her out, resonating with anyone who’s felt sidelined in their own story.

‘AITA for leaving early mother’s day celebrations after what my MIL said?’

My husband's family did mother's day Saturday. We really aren't close to his family because they don't like to include me. It's been really hard for him coming to terms with his mom not liking me, but she is kind of weird and likes to compartmentalize relationships.

She doesn't like the idea of couple's being a packaged deal and she seems to have anxiety because she doesn't know what to do around me. I don't know, it's weird and she doesn't have these issues with her other kids partners. MIL's mom recently died and MIL didn't go to the funeral.

It came up in conversation that she chose not to go, and she started to cry, which I don't judge at all, the way she was raised was horrible. MIL said she was so brainwashed that she didn't realize she could make her own decisions until her early forties,

and when she didn't invite me or her son to her wedding, that was the first time she ever had any power in her own life. For background she tried to get my husband to come without me and when he refused she uninvited him.

She called that the most liberating moment of her life and said it was the first time she realized she had any power. Someone even said don't cry and she said they are happy tears because that was the best thing she ever did. Ok she was raised in a cult like environment and I fully get that, but she said that right in front of me.

I left because it made me uncomfortable. I said I wanted to leave and MIL didn't seem to care. Both of my husband's sisters called me an a**hole though over text and said I am the reason he doesn't have much of a family anymore.

This Mother’s Day clash lays bare the thorny dynamics of family inclusion. A woman, already on the outskirts of her husband’s family, left a celebration after her MIL called excluding her and her husband from her wedding her most liberating act. The MIL’s cult-like upbringing explains her need for control, but her words cut deep. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Unresolved conflict in families often stems from unaddressed emotional bids” , highlighting the pain of rejection.

The MIL’s discomfort with “couple packages” and her selective acceptance of other partners suggest a deeper attachment to her son, possibly a Jocasta-like dynamic, as one Redditor noted. This aligns with studies showing 25% of mothers struggle with boundary-setting when sons marry . Her “happy tears” over the wedding exclusion, said in front of the woman, signal a lack of empathy, intentional or not.

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The woman’s exit was a natural response to feeling disrespected, especially after learning her husband invited them without MIL’s consent. Dr. Gottman’s principle of “turning toward” loved ones’ needs applies—both the MIL and the woman missed chances to bridge their divide. The sisters-in-law’s blame, labeling her the family rift’s cause, shifts responsibility from the MIL’s actions, perpetuating tension.

For resolution, the couple could set firm boundaries, like agreeing on limited, respectful interactions with the MIL. The woman might express her hurt calmly to her husband, fostering teamwork. This story underscores the need for empathy in family ties, inviting reflection on navigating in-laws with complex pasts.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users largely sided with the woman, declaring her not the asshole (NTA). They found the MIL’s comment about the wedding exclusion bizarre and hurtful, especially said in her presence, and criticized her for prioritizing personal “liberation” over her son’s feelings. Many pointed out the MIL’s selective dislike, suggesting an unhealthy attachment to her son.

Commenters praised the woman’s exit as a stand against toxicity and her husband’s support as a sign of loyalty. Some noted the sisters-in-law’s accusations were misplaced, arguing the MIL’s behavior, not the woman’s, fractured the family. The community emphasized that her response reclaimed her agency in a tough moment.

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anarchyshift − NTA The first time she felt liberated was when she uninvited her son to her wedding? Seems MIL has some other deep seated issues she needs to work on.

katiethekatie − NTA You’re MIL took control of her life by not inviting you to her wedding, you took control of yours by leaving a meal that was being hosted for an AH

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-Quaint- − NTA. That is a bizarre and hurtful thing to say in front of you.

Efficient_Living_628 − Your MIL doesn’t have an issue with your SIL’s partners because she probably doesn’t feel the same ownership over them as she does your husband. A lot of women can have a little bit of a Joscasta complex, where they think they should always come first like they’re the wife, and that’s not how it works. She doesn’t like you because your husband choose you over her

ReasonableAlbatross − NTA. Good on you for leaving, and good on your husband for standing up to the MIL and his family! Pretty sure your sisters in law and your MIL are the reason your husband doesn't have much of a family, not you - you merely realised the liberating feeling of not having to stay in a room with toxic people - honestly they should congratulate you too!

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ereignishorizont666 − 'So glad you found your voice and power to make your own choices when people are hurtful, m-i-l. I'm thankful I learned at a much earlier age.' While packing up and leaving.

[Reddit User] − INFO: why doesn’t she like you?

huffliestofpuffs − ESH- look your mil doesn't like you for whatever reason and it sucks that she is being like that. But also I find it weird that you say you and your husband are a package deal. There is a compromise that can be made here.

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Maybe not every week (you say they have weekly family dinners) but maybe once or twice a month he can see his mom alone and she can see him. For bigger holidays/celebrations you have to be invited. I go visit my parents alone. My husband has done the same.

Mostly for convience and money sake since for us going to see our parents requires a heft travel (airplane or very long car ride). But there is still a compromise that can happen that doesn't require you going. We also go visit them together sometimes. And our families like both of us and we still will go see them seperately depending.

MeringuepieMoth − NTA. you’re not the reason your husband doesn’t have much of a family, his mom is. She should’ve started therapy years ago to deal with her trauma. Your MIL doesnt have to like you, but she should at least be cordial with you for the sake of her son.

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The fact that she’d rather disinvite your husband than invite you to her wedding and then say to your face that it was the greatest thing ever shows that she doesn’t even care all that much for her son.

ComprehensiveBand586 − So in order for your MIL to feel liberated and empowered you have to silence your own voice and let her walk all over you? She doesn't sound liberated so much as just self-centered. NTA.

This Mother’s Day tale carries a bittersweet hum—a woman’s quiet exit from a painful family moment speaks volumes about self-respect. It’s a reminder that family bonds thrive on empathy, not exclusion. Share your thoughts below—how do you handle tricky in-law dynamics in your own life?

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