AITA for not allowing MIL to meet my baby because she tells everyone that I am cruel to my stepdaughter?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove. A new mother, still basking in the glow of her three-month-old daughter, faces a storm brewed by her mother-in-law’s biting accusations. For years, she’s tried to navigate the choppy waters of being a stepmom to Lina, now 18, only to be labeled a “child abuser” by her husband’s mother. The decision to keep MIL at arm’s length from the newborn feels like a shield, but it’s sparked a family feud that’s anything but gentle.

The weight of this choice presses heavily on the new mom, who only wants peace for her growing family. Readers can’t help but wonder: is she protecting her baby or fueling a deeper rift? This tale of boundaries and betrayal pulls us into a world where love and loyalty are tested, and every decision carries a cost.

‘AITA for not allowing MIL to meet my baby because she tells everyone that I am cruel to my stepdaughter?’

I've been with my husband since his daughter 'Lina' was 13. Being a stepparent is the hardest thing I've ever done. To put it very simply, Lina was never happy. She didn't want me to marry her dad, but I thought she would come around when she saw that he still loved her just as much.

She was not a bad child, wasn't acting out, but literally nothing made her happy. She never smiled, never expressed any interest or enthusiasm about anything. MIL was extremely concerned about Lina and kept demanding to know what we were doing to her.

We had to set boundaries because MIL was asking Lina completely inappropriate questions and implying we were doing something to her. Lina reacted badly to these boundaries and began acting out. It was such a mess, and I felt like such a failure, because no matter what we did she just was not happy.

(yes she was in therapy and we did family therapy) Lina moved out at 18 and was suddenly super happy, which just made us feel worse, and MIL was convinced we did something to her. MIL has multiple times asked Lina in front of other people what we did to her.

Lina denies that we did anything and says it just wasn't fair that she had to live with her dad's partner and she couldn't relax with a 'stranger' in the house. That really hurt because I tried to bond with her and her dad tried to maintain a relationship with her, but she was just so shut down.

I recently found out that MIL has been calling me a child abuser. She also blatantly tells people she hates me. When confronted she cried about how hard it was on her to watch Lina like that and she knows we did something.

I've wanted a baby with my husband for years and we finally welcomed a baby girl 3 months ago. MIL has been acting like it is just a give in that she will meet her, but I decided that i don't want her to. I am too worried about having someone who hates me and makes these accusations.

my husband backed me, but Lina uninvited him to her graduation dinner and said that if I think I can use boundaries to bully people, then he can have fun with her new boundaries and just never see her again. He is now very upset because Lina won't talk to him and is saying what's the harm in letting MIL see the baby.

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Family drama like this can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of snapping crocodiles. The OP’s struggle with her MIL’s accusations and Lina’s rejection highlights a common issue: navigating blended family dynamics. According to Family Psychology, stepparents often face resistance from children, with 60% of blended families reporting tension in the first two years.

The OP’s decision to block MIL stems from a need to protect her newborn from a toxic influence. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries are crucial for family harmony, especially when trust is undermined” . Here, MIL’s public accusations erode trust, justifying OP’s stance. However, Lina’s reaction suggests unresolved pain, possibly from feeling caught between her dad’s new family and her grandmother’s concerns.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: the stigma stepparents face. Studies show 40% of stepparents feel judged unfairly . OP’s hurt over Lina’s happiness post-moveout hints at a missed connection, perhaps due to unaddressed emotional needs. A neutral approach—like family mediation—could help. For now, OP’s boundary is a shield, not a sword, but open dialogue might mend ties.

Advice? Prioritize the baby’s safety but consider a calm discussion with Lina to clarify intentions. Engaging readers, this story reminds us that family isn’t just blood—it’s trust built through tough choices.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and skepticism. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got an opinion and a side dish of shade. Here’s what they had to say:

TimeAbradolf − NTA at all, I would not let your MIL have any contact either. She is telling people you’re a child abuser. And your stepdaughter is saying your boundaries are to bully people? She is young, acting out because she thinks you are too. But you’re an adult making an adult decision. It is one graduation dinner Lina will regret it later in life, but you’ll regret letting a toxic person in your new child’s life

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Fine_Following_2559 − NTA, who knows what kind of stuff your MIL would end up saying around your own daughter. Until she gets herself together and stops accusing you of child abuse, she can just enjoy the one granddaughter that she knows.

Lina sounds like a real piece of work, even when she moves out and is 'happy' she's being spiteful. I feel bad for your husband in all of this because his mother and oldest daughter both seem to be AHs cut from the same cloth.

JudgeJudAITA − I wouldn’t let somebody calling me a child abuser near my family, so on that very narrowly tailored question, N.T.A. but your description of Lina’s teenaged years screams [missing missing reasons]. Edit: changed to ESH.

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MIL is out of line, but kids don’t spend 5 years devoid of happiness and home and then flip a switch to “super happy” when they leave home without there being something there. And an actual parent would not make it about themselves and be hurt by the change - they would be happy their child finally found happiness, perform some self-reflection,

and attempt to heal the rift going forward. You or may may not have been deliberately cruel, but at the very least you and your husband failed to address the root of Lina’s unhappiness, or you are leaving out something significant here.

RefillSunset − Info: what boundaries did you set for Lina and what were the inappropriate questions her mother asked?

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your stepdaughter seemed like she just didn’t accept you, even though you tried your best. Unfortunately you can’t make someone feel something they don’t want to. Your MIL on the other hand had no right to say all those means things about you. You don’t need to have her around your baby, she seems like a bad influence.

miaomy − Things don’t seem to add up. She is not just the MIL, she’s your husband’s mom and your child’s grandmother. I don’t doubt she’s a difficult mother in law, but if “Lina” sees the decision as cruel and over the top, doesn’t that say something? Like all AITA posts, we’re seeing things from one perspective,

and I can’t help but think OP is presenting a narrow picture of what’s happening. Lina was miserable in their home, and OP chalks it up to her personality and character. Rather than being happy for Lina, she makes it about herself, saying Lina’s happiness hurt her.

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Calling you a child abuser and other names is totally unacceptable, but I have a hard time believing this good (OP) vs evil (Lina and MIL) narrative is as straightforward as OP makes it seem. If I’m wrong and it is that simple, cut all ties with the MIL immediately.

JackieHarkness − Accusing someone on being a child abuser for no reason and without proof is pretty serious so I’m gonna go with NTA

Official_loli − NTA - I would never let someone like this interact with a baby. Who knows what she might say now? She could be perfectly fine, but why risk the chance? She could scream 'abuse' with this baby. Your boundaries aren't bullying, it's for safety.

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GarrZillarr − INFO: This reeks of missing reasons. When people talk about abuse we jump to assuming physical or s**ual, could be emotional/mental. My nparent would swear up and down that they never abused me and couldn't understand why I was such an unhappy teenager.

I was unhappy because they emotionally and mentally abused me, but at the time I didn't have the knowledge to understand why I felt so bad all the time. Spoiler alert it was because of them, as soon as I got out from under them I was so much happier too.

Now, your stepdaughter throws boundaries back in your faces, what kind of ‘boundaries’ did you have in place with her? I'm willing to bet they weren't ‘boundaries’ at all, but that's the word you are using to cover whatever your rules with her were. You talk about trying to bond, how did you do this?

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With things she was interested in? Can you even name anything she was interested in? Can you name any of her friends? Can you tell us anything about your stepdaughter other than she ‘just wasn't happy’?  I've left a judgement out because it's entirely possible I am projecting but I would still be very interested to know your answers.

[Reddit User] − Info: did Lina's father cheat on her mother with you? Trying to figure out why she intensely hates you.

These Redditors rallied behind OP’s boundary but raised eyebrows about Lina’s teenage misery. Some cheered OP’s resolve, while others sniffed out “missing reasons” in the story. Are these hot takes fanning the flames or cutting through the fog?

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This story is a rollercoaster of loyalty, love, and hard lines drawn in the sand. OP’s choice to protect her baby from a slanderous MIL feels like a stand for peace, but it’s cost her husband a bond with Lina. Families are messy, and this one’s no exception. What would you do if you were caught between shielding your child and keeping family ties? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this drama together!

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