AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?

Imagine the sparkle of a perfect engagement ring, tucked away for a dream proposal—then picture it swiped by your own brother for his big moment. That’s the gut-punch a 26-year-old felt when his brother, 33, “borrowed” his ring to pop the question, ignoring a firm “no.” The ring, now flaunted on social media by the brother’s fiancée, was useless for the planned anniversary surprise. Furious, the man demanded a new ring, threatening to spill the truth if his brother didn’t pay up.

This isn’t just about a shiny bauble—it’s about trust, betrayal, and sibling rivalry gone wild. With the brother sulking and their mom torn, the Reddit community jumped in with takes hotter than a summer sidewalk. Was the demand for a new ring fair, or did things spiral too far? Let’s unpack this glittering mess of family drama.

‘AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?’

I'm (26M) proposing to my girlfriend (24F) on our 4th anniversary, September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price. Last weekend, I told my brother (33M) about my plans, and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend (29F) as well.

The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could 'borrow' my ring to propose to his girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a 'placeholder' and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes.

I'd never heard of 'placeholder rings', so I said no and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend. With my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat.

I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd 'keep his promise' and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from.

I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed.

We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive. My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on me. He's now refusing to talk to me.

I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother about these things, and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my girlfriend, and many of our friends overlap. The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided: she thinks what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship.. AITA?. ​

Proposals are meant to shine with love, but this sibling saga is clouded by deceit. The brother’s theft of the engagement ring, after being explicitly denied, wasn’t just a prank—it was a violation of trust. Using it as a “placeholder” without disclosing its origin to his fiancée compounds the dishonesty. The younger brother’s demand for a new ring, backed by a threat to expose the truth, was a desperate bid to salvage his proposal and hold his brother accountable.

Family conflicts often stem from boundary issues. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 45% of sibling disputes involve perceived violations of personal autonomy (source). Here, the older brother’s entitlement—taking what wasn’t his—ignited the clash, while his refusal to see fault fuels the rift.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Trust is built through consistent respect for boundaries” (source). The thief’s failure to honor his brother’s “no” broke that trust, and his whining about the $100 price difference reeks of deflection. The younger brother’s threat, while harsh, was a reaction to being cornered—his proposal was ruined, and his girlfriend nearly spoiled.

Moving forward, the brothers need a candid talk, perhaps mediated, to rebuild trust. The younger should tell his girlfriend post-proposal to avoid secrets. The older must own his actions, not just with a ring but an apology.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t mince words, tossing out opinions as bold as a diamond’s cut. From calling the brother a thief to debating the ethics of the threat, the community’s takes are a wild ride. Here’s what they said:

Poekienijn - NTA. WTF is wrong with him? He stole your ring. Does he have some illness or impairment that could excuse this or is he just the worst brother in the world?

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RevRagnarok - NTA and you may want to consider LC/NC. (Sidebar - placeholder rings are definitely 'a thing.' I used a <$20 ring from eBay because I wanted her input on the design / decision of what she would be wearing for the rest of her life.). Edit: I 1000% wasn't defending the AH brother here, just saying 'yes it's a thing.'

Tyler4u2 - NTA. Your brother created this entire situation and is 100% at fault. If it were me, I’d make all four parties sit down and explain everything. You might as well rip the band-aid off now cause it’s going to come out sooner or later. It will be much worse if it’s later.

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lemogera - NTA. He STOLE your ring. That was a choice he made, and it's also the choice that is threatening his relationship, not your reaction and words. It's completely fair if you never trust him again, since he also decided that having *that* ring was more important than a good relationship with you.

Mobius_Stripping - on the scale of crazy behavior with no rational justification, this is way up there on your brother’s part, OP.. NTA also there’s no way that both fiancées _won’t_ find out exactly what happened here so ya’ll are better off just coming clean now on how this went down… i hope you plan on telling your gf (well after you propose of course)

MousingJoke - what am I even reading? Your brother is an absolute AH ...and you would only do his fiance service tbh, if you told her about all of this. I would want to know my SO have this side before getting married to them, to make an informed decision. Your mother is also low-key AH here, you did not stoop anywhere, if he wasn't a liar, thief, and cheapskate to boot, nothing would've been threatened, it was all his own doing.

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On the contrary , he almost ruined your proposal because his GF of course posted the ring in the group chat. Also I must wonder, he probably came up with the whole proposal just to be the first one in some weird rivalry with you,

he couldn't plan it since he wanted to borrow your ring and could not count on that option before you told him. So he decided to go ahead with the proposal within days, only after you told him your plans. That's honestly nuts. And he has some major complex towards you apparently.

NomNom83WasTaken - NTA. I mean, even if only temporary, *he stole your engagement ring*. He was entitled and deceptive.

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[Reddit User] - NTA 'Hey will you marry me? But also this is the ring my brother bought for his girlfriend because I couldn't be arsed to spend money on this until I knew you'd say yes and make it a good investment... So I'm gonna need that back actually once you're done posting it on Instagram...'

He never intended to return the ring OP. I'd be shocked if he actually told his new fiancée it was a 'placeholder.' Good for you getting him to pay for the new ring, and shame on your mother for trying to rugsweep this whole thing.

Tough_Crazy_8362 - INFO: why haven’t you told his fiancé? She deserves to know she’s engaged to a thief. This is a huge character flaw.

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meaneggsandscram - NTA:. Brother betrayed.. Brother thieved.. Brother lied.. Brother lied to own fiance by omission.. Brother didn't want to pay you back & potentially hurt your fiance.. Brother accused you of being the bad guy.. Brother went crying to mom.. Brother responded only to threat of exposure. Did he do this on purpose? To be the one who proposed first? His actions were turdly. He still feels you're in the wrong.

These Reddit gems sparkle with outrage, but do they clarify the mess or just add more drama to the mix?

This ring-stealing saga is a lesson in loyalty: family doesn’t get a free pass to cross your lines. The younger brother’s push for a new ring wasn’t petty—it was about reclaiming his moment after a blatant betrayal. But was threatening to out his brother a step too far, or just desserts? Sibling bonds are tough, but so is trust. What would you do if a family member swiped something as personal as your proposal ring? Drop your thoughts—let’s keep this drama as lively as a wedding toast!

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