AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween?

Halloween’s spooky charm turned into a financial fright fest when a woman’s boyfriend went all-in on his childhood trick-or-treat dreams, ignoring their agreed-upon budget. Living in her house, the couple faced early money squabbles, settling on a strict household plan. But when he assumed she’d bankroll a decked-out Halloween with animatronic clowns and full-size candy bars, tensions boiled over. Her $500 olive branch wasn’t enough for his big-spending vision, leading to a candy catastrophe and a heated clash in front of trick-or-treaters.

The night ended with him storming off to a friend’s, texting her insults for being “cheap,” and demanding she leave her own home. This Reddit saga dives into the clash of financial priorities and relationship respect, where a festive holiday became a budget battleground. Was she wrong to hold firm on her finances, or was his Halloween havoc out of line? Let’s unravel this tale of candy chaos and credit card woes.

‘AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween?’

I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January. We had a ton of early money arguments and agreed that we would keep to a household budget. Also, he agreed to pay down his credit card debt. I have more flexibility in my personal spending than he does.

Early after we moved in, my bf told me that as a kid he always wanted to live in one of the houses that were totally decorated for trick or treat and handed out full size candy. Here's where I messed up. I took this as a comment and not a plan. When the end of September came, we went to the halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn't know.

We go over the monthly budget together, and it was never listed. When he found out that there was no halloween savings, we had an argument. Afterwards I talked to friends who all said he had talked about trick or treat extensively and how much it meant. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 my money, and went to him with an apology.

He decided to buy one big piece, an animatronic clown and some lights. It burned through the $500, plus he put a little on his own credit card. He wanted another big piece and was mad I wouldn't put it on my credit card. I asked if he wanted to put up handmade decorations or spider webs but he said it would look cheap.

A few weeks later, we had a fight over candy. He was still stuck on buying full size bars. We easily get over 250 trick or treaters and I said we just don't have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars. I also had these little coloring books for the allergy and diabetes kids.

Jump forward to Halloween. Early kids show up and he is letting them grab handfuls. I remind him we have a ton of trick or treaters coming, and he got really annoyed. I had ordered a pizza for us. So I get it and go inside for about 10 minutes. By the time I came back out, the trick or treat bowls were empty. He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kids bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along.

He told me that I'd have to go run out and buy more candy on my credit card. I said I wasn't going to do that, and it wasn't my fault he just handed out 20 pounds of candy. He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside. He responded that he wasn't stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy. I told him to have fun with the clown, and went inside.

He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treat was ruined bc I'm cheap. I handed the rest of the pizza at him and refused He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am.. AITA?

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When holiday dreams clash with financial reality, relationships can turn trickier than a haunted house maze. The woman’s refusal to fund her boyfriend’s extravagant Halloween plans beyond her $500 contribution was a stand for fiscal responsibility, not stinginess. His reckless spending, from blowing the budget on a single animatronic to dumping candy by the handful, shows a disregard for their shared financial agreement. Financial therapist Bari Tessler advises, “Couples must align on money values to avoid resentment and power imbalances” . His demand that she leave her own home and use her credit card highlights a troubling sense of entitlement, especially given his existing debt.

This taps into a broader issue: financial compatibility in relationships. A 2024 study found 45% of couples cite money disagreements as a top source of conflict, often when one partner prioritizes spending over stability . The boyfriend’s reliance on her to fund his vision, coupled with his refusal to consider budget-friendly alternatives like handmade decorations, suggests a lack of accountability. His public outburst and insults in front of kids further erode trust, placing her in an unfair role as his financial backstop. Tessler notes, “Healthy financial boundaries require mutual respect and shared responsibility, not blame.”

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The woman should initiate a serious talk about their financial future, setting clear expectations for spending and debt management. If he can’t align, she may need to reconsider the relationship’s viability, especially since she owns the home. Changing the locks, as some Redditors suggest, could protect her assets if trust is broken. For readers, maintaining financial independence in relationships means open budgeting and mutual respect—splurging on dreams shouldn’t mean draining someone else’s wallet. The woman’s stand was a defense of her stability; her boyfriend’s reaction is a red flag that needs addressing.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, rallying behind the woman with a mix of outrage and advice, while waving red flags at her boyfriend’s behavior. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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CakeEatingRabbit − NTA. It sounds like. - he isn't able to finacially support himself. - you already support him finacially. - you do more in the sense of organisation/responsiblity/planning. - he full expects you to realise his dreams without having to lift a finger. Please tell me this guy atleast does half the chores?

Ok-Cheetah-9125 − he was under the impression we had savings for this. No, he wasn't because he didn't contribute to any savings for this. He was under the impression you were going to cave and pay for it.

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Ok_Ad5315 − NTA and you need to run from this man. Making fun of how 'cheap' you are when he is living in your house that you own?? Absolutely not. Tell him HE can GTFO, who is he to tell you to leave your own home? I'm livid for you girl. You need a man not this child.

Not-nuts − So he manipulated you in to spending $500. You didn't mess up. There was no savings for that and he knew it. If he has credit card debt and is still spending like that he clearly has financial issues. Then he tries to bring you down with him. After the way he treated you (tryingto kick you out of yourown house), I'd think long and hard before taking him back.

sunfloweries − He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am. so you're kicking him out, right? because you're not going to accept being treated this way, right?

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because you're a grown woman who owns her own house and he can't even figure out how to budget $500 -- a crazy amount to begin with -- on one holiday?. come on. you know you don't think there's any way you could be an a**hole here.

SamSpayedPI − NTA. It sounds to me like you're his ATM, not his GF. Seriously, whatever issues he had to *create* so much credit card debt int the first place have not been resolved. He's fixing to ruin *your* credit rating, not raise his own.

solo_throwaway254247 − His plan. His savings. Period. He shouldn't have planned with your money in mind. You did nothing wrong. You were way more gracious in your handling of the situation than he deserved. And now that he's gone, are you sure that you want him back? Maybe you guys moved in together too soon.

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Like someone suggested, changing the locks might be a good idea.. NTA but he is.. Edit: Reasons why he's an a-hole. 1. He didn't save for his plan and expected you to pay. 2. He gaslit you into thinking that you messed up somehow. You didnt. The only mistake that you did was have him as a boyfriend. And then let him move in with you.

Now that I think of it, you messed up quite a bit. You shouldn't have listened to his friends. Another mistake there. Also by paying for ANY of the stuff. Not your monkeys, not your circus as the saying goes. What you taught him is that he can guilt you into submission. And he will keep doing it as long as you let him.

Another mistake would be letting him back into your life and your house. He's a walking red flag 🚩🚩🚩 and you will keep messing up if you don't see that.. 3. He guilted you into fixing his mess 4. That still wasn't enough for him. And he wanted you to put it on your credit card. He's in and wants to put you in debt over candy?!? How now!?! In what universe does that make sense?. 5. He wanted YOU to LEAVE YOUR OWN HOUSE!!!

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How can you not see the red flags here?. How to clean up your mess:. 1. Ditch him and his crappy friends. 2. Change the locks. 3. Choose better next time. 4. Make sure he doesn't have any of your financial info. Edited.. Edit: Oh wow! Thank you! Thank you so much for the awards.

Special_Respond7372 − Wow. NTA. Yes, there was some miscommunication but you more than made up for it by providing $500. That should have been MORE than enough to deck the house out. And in reality, after this Halloween you’d have known to budget more so you could add to the decor next year.

His behavior and attitude in handing out the candy was absolutely gross and ridiculous. If he was so hellbent on providing full/king size candy bars then he needed to have pulled money from his own pocket to do so. Instead he demanded it from you as though you were an ATM. And to tell you to leave YOUR OWN house!? Oh hell no. If I were you, I’d rethink the relationship because it sounds as though the two of you do not share the same financial mindset.

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[Reddit User] − Wtf.. NTA. He doesn't get to tell you to leave your own house because he is throwing a temper tantrum more appropriate to the kids doing the trick-or-treating than the adults handing out the candy.. And if he wants more candy, he can damn well go buy it himself.

certain_people − INFO why are you with this guy? Does he pay anything resembling rent? Has he ever shown any signs of financial responsibility?

These Redditors cheered her budget backbone but questioned why she’s with a financial loose cannon. Are they too quick to call for a breakup, or is this a clear case of incompatibility? Their takes spark a debate on money and love.

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This Halloween tale shows how fast festive plans can sour when budgets and respect don’t align. The woman’s refusal to go into debt for her boyfriend’s candy spree wasn’t cheap—it was a stand for her financial future. It’s a reminder that relationships thrive on shared values, not one-sided splurges. Have you ever faced a partner’s spending that clashed with your budget? Share your stories—what would you do when holiday dreams threaten financial peace?

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