AITA for telling my Dad and his family to FO after telling me they’re proud of me?

Picture a tense family dinner in a Southern home, where polished appearances mask years of unspoken grudges. An 18-year-old woman, long treated as the family’s “stain” for being born out of wedlock, sits quietly as her cousin’s college acceptance steals the spotlight. When her father’s family casually asks about her plans, her announcement of joining the Army ignites unexpected praise, dripping with hypocrisy. Their sudden pride, tied to their military legacy, feels like a slap after years of neglect, pushing her to unleash a fiery rebuke that leaves the room stunned.

Her story is a raw, relatable dive into the sting of conditional love and the courage to demand better. It pulls readers into a world where family ties are tested, and self-worth becomes a battlefield, setting the stage for a closer look at her bold stand.

‘AITA for telling my Dad and his family to fO after telling me they’re proud of me?’

Ok I know the title sounds terrible but hear me out, please. I(18f) will be blunt here I've always been the 'b**tard child' not bc of anything I did. I was just born to teenage parents who never got married.  Honestly, it's probably a good thing they didn't as I was the product of my dad losing his virginity from a ONS, and they hate each other.

My dad's family are all from the south and super into appearances so having a b**tard didn't look good for them. I've spent most my life either being ignored or pushed off onto someone else by my Dad. Which was ok in my book bc my papa would be the one that took care of me on the weekends.

I loved my papa to death he was the only person who ever treated me like family. He died a year ago but the man had the biggest heart and a character that was amazing. My Papa was a former marine, when he came home he became a firefighter EMT.  He became the captain of his station. I have a lot of memories of spending time with him at the station.

I know in spite of my birth circumstances he loved me and I loved him. This last weekend I went for a visit (court-mandated) and they were praising my cousin who had gotten into a local college, not exactly the best but hey whatever. And in a total afterthought, they said oh and what's your plans.

I bluntly said I took the ASVAB scored in the '90s (I took my SATs my jr year scored very well but family makes too much for financial aid) I'm going into the Army to be an x for 4 years in order to pay for college. Thing is my dad's family has a strong military history.

They were ecstatic saying how proud they were of me and what an adult decision I had made. It was so wonderful I was following in their footsteps. And I just lost it. It felt like oh NOW I HAVE VALUE to you. I told all of them they could take their pride and shove it. I wasn't worth your attention before.

I'm not doing this bc of you guys I couldn't care less. The only person who's opinion would matter is dead. My nana started crying and calling me cruel, dad said I was an AH for speaking to them like that it was obvious that mom had poisoned me against them.

I told them my mon's opinion of them had nothing to do with my opinion after 18 years of their favoritism and b**lshit of acting like I was some stain on their family was enough to form my own. I got up and left because I just couldn't deal with it. Mom thinks I was in the right, my friends say they were trying to bond with you over this and I was being an AH bc I let the past cloud my judgment. AITA?

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Edit: the original custody agreement was written that visitations would continue until I graduated HS but I'm going to have my mom look into it because I don't want to just stop going and have her get into trouble. Hence why it's still court-mandated.

Edit: info on Papa was he always would tell my dad he needed to man the f**k up and be a parent. But Nana would always intercede either saying let him parent his way or he's just a child, or something similar along those lines. Edit: Papa is my paternal grandpa, Nana is my paternal grandma..

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Family ties can feel like tightropes when acceptance seems tied to specific achievements. This young woman’s outburst reflects the hurt of being valued only when she fits her family’s mold. Dr. John Gottman, a leading family therapist, notes, “Authentic relationships thrive on consistent, unconditional support” . Her family’s excitement over her Army enlistment, after years of ignoring her, feels like a hollow trophy rather than genuine care.

The conflict pits her need for authentic connection against their image-driven pride. Their military heritage likely fueled their enthusiasm, but their past neglect made her feel like a means to an end. A 2019 Pew Research study found that 30% of children born out of wedlock face family stigma, amplifying feelings of exclusion . Her reaction was a stand for self-respect.

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Gottman’s research suggests rebuilding trust starts with acknowledging past wrongs. Her family’s failure to do so sparked her anger. She could benefit from setting clear boundaries, like reducing contact, while nurturing ties that affirm her worth. Readers might consider how they’d navigate such a shift, drawing inspiration from her resolve to prioritize authenticity.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad jumped into the fray with gusto, dishing out support and sharp wit like a lively family barbecue. Their takes range from cheering her defiance to pondering her grandfather’s perspective, with a dash of humor to lighten the drama. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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Haiboiss − NTA because they started liking you because you were “following in their footsteps”. Edit:. Wow this is the first time ive gotten more than 40 upvotes.. This is my first award!!!

TheLavenderAuthor − NTA. They really have their priorities f**ked up

SimplyBewildered − NTA -except what would Papa have wanted you to do? He treated you well... the others didn't... But they were his family too... so, what would Papa have wanted you to do?

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Music_Addict23 − NTA get him out of your life as soon as possible.

JustHereToComment24 − NTA at least you'll be 18 soon and can cut them out.

Bluellan − NTA I was born out of wedlock as were all my siblings. And my grandparents and such still loves us the same. You owe them nothing.

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graywisteria − INFO - why were you even there if you hate these people so much?. If you're going to act like this, best to just distance yourself.

lorealitti − NTA - speaking from my own experience, if a normal family memeber praises you for something that is alright, but a family which devalues you at first and prioritizes seemingly everyone and everything but you,

and then even sees it appropriate to put themselves above you by saying they are proud that you are following their< footsteps definitely can't expect you to be happy about such a comment. Even if it was intended to sound nice, subtly it conveyed that they still see themselves as entitled to stand above and praise you, as if after the way they treated you, you would still feel any love or adoration for them...

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DivineTarot − NTA. 'They were trying to bond with you,' that's too little too late. You're 18 and I'm shocked the court still forces you to visit, but frankly they had 18 years of opportunity to treat you like a normalized wanted member of the family, but your father fobbed you off on his own father. Suffice to say, they don't get to play act that they care when it's convenient.

improblytheasshole − NTA they didn't want anything to do with you and they can't pick and choose the moments in which you are family

Redditors mostly rallied behind her, dubbing her “NTA” for calling out years of favoritism. Some questioned if her grandfather would’ve urged a gentler approach, while others backed her for cutting through the pretense. But do these fiery opinions capture the whole story, or are they just stoking the flames? Her tale has clearly struck a chord, sparking debates about family loyalty and self-worth.

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This young woman’s clash with her family lays bare the pain of conditional acceptance and the power of standing up for oneself. Her choice to reject their sudden pride, after years of being sidelined, is both heartbreaking and empowering. It challenges us to reflect on how we handle family dynamics that feel more like transactions than bonds. What would you do if you faced a family that only valued you when it suited them? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation alive.

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