AITA for refusing to go to my son and daughter in law’s house for Christmas?

The holiday season sparkles with twinkling lights and warm gatherings, but for one mother, Christmas plans have ignited a family feud. She’s torn between her cozy, familiar traditions and her son’s push for a new celebration at his home with his wife’s family. The air is thick with tension as personal boundaries clash with familial expectations, leaving her wondering if she’s the Grinch for standing her ground. With a new grandbaby in the mix, the stakes feel higher than a Christmas tree topper.

This Reddit tale unfolds like a snowy evening drama, where the mother’s desire for a quiet holiday at home meets her son’s insistence on a grand, blended-family bash. Readers are drawn into the emotional tug-of-war, questioning where loyalty lies and how far one should bend for family. It’s a story that resonates with anyone who’s ever juggled holiday plans and personal comfort.

‘AITA for refusing to go to my son and daughter in law’s house for Christmas?’

My son got married a few years ago and they had their first child 9 months ago. I usually have people over to my house for Christmas and my son said since they now have a baby they will not be traveling anywhere on Christmas day. That's fine and I told him to have a nice Christmas. He invited me over and I politely declined.

I don't want to go to anyone's house on Christmas, which is why I fully respect them not wanting to come here, and she is inviting her family and I don't want to have a big holiday with people I don't know well. Also I want to invite certain people to my house who they do not know. My son snapped at me that that was selfish and it is his wife's turn to host.

I said we don't need to take turns. We can both do it every year since I am not demanding they come to my house and they can't force me to go to theirs. We ended the conversation ok, but he called me again and said certain family members won't go if I don't want to go, so I have to come. Honestly I don't believe that.

I believe they told him that, but I think it was just an excuse. He wants his cousins there, but I feel that my sister feels like I do, that why should we have to give up our holiday plans just because he wants to try something new. I told him I just really don't want to come. I want to be home with my husband and eat what I want.

I don't like people and he knows that. He got very angry and said no normal person would do this to their child. I even offered a compromise. I will lie to my sister and say we really aren't doing anything for Christmas and not to expect a big meal. If she still doesn't want to go to his house, I think that proves she is lying.

My son thinks I am an a**hole because I'm not willing to sacrifice this for him. I think he is being a controlling a**hole, and while he and his wife have the right to do whatever they would like, they do not get to force that on me.

Honestly I don't see myself changing my plans, but he made me promise I would read the responses and get an unbiased opinion. Also someone said to add an edit that my MIL, who doesn't know my son well, comes over on Christmas and I don't want to abandon her

Family gatherings can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when new traditions challenge old ones. The mother’s choice to prioritize her comfort over her son’s invitation highlights a common tension: balancing personal boundaries with family expectations. Her son’s demand for her presence, while understandable, veers into entitlement, assuming her holiday plans should bend to his.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes in his work on family dynamics, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect for individual needs” .

The mother’s reluctance to join a gathering with unfamiliar in-laws is valid, especially given her introverted nature. Her son’s frustration, though, stems from wanting to share his child’s first Christmas, a milestone moment. Both sides have merit, but the son’s aggressive push risks alienating her. A sarcastic nod to his “you must come” attitude reveals a power struggle, not a festive invite.

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For a solution, clear communication is key. The mother could propose a visit before or after Christmas, ensuring she sees her grandchild without sacrificing her holiday. Dr. Gottman suggests “turning toward” loved ones with small gestures, like a special grandparent-grandchild day, to maintain connection. This approach fosters goodwill without forcing anyone into uncomfortable settings, keeping the holiday spirit intact.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, diving into this family saga with wit and candor, like guests at a holiday party with strong eggnog. Here’s what the community had to say:

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[Reddit User] − NTA Reddit will take up arms to protect a DIL’s wish to stay home for Christmas and I think that’s just fine. You deserve no less consideration and you are being polite to boot. Your son is not being reasonable.

PilotEnvironmental46 − NTA. Your right it is absolutely your decision to go to. Your sons house or stay home. I will tell you as I read this you come across as somewhat cold. Your son has a new child, and he wants his mother to want to be with him and this new baby. My mother would as soon walk over hot coals as miss that special time and memory with her child and grandchild.

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You do have the right to stay home, and after this your son needs to respect that. That said, if I was him I’d know going forward exactly where he or his child stand in your priorities. Sometimes Christmas is about doing something unselfish or nice to make someone else happy. Certainly I’d hope a mother would appreciate that.

pink_gem − I mean, NAH, but also you kind of are an a**hole, tbh. Your position is reasonable-- if this were just a friend or something. But this is your son, that you have been part of their life for what, 30 years? And every year, even when he got married, he gave in so that he could spend Xmas with you. He showed up at your house every year for Xmas.

And the moment someone asks you to make a compromise, you're like, 'nah son, the world doesn't work that way. i get everything i want, and i never make compromises for anyone. we can now just spend xmas apart'. So technically, sure, your position is NAH because you shouldn't be forced to do something-- but it's Not Great (tm) either.

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PolesRunningCoach − NTA. Does your son realize there’s still a pandemic and he has an infant?. Do your own stuff.

jbus409 − NTA. I think it is common, and completely normal, for traditions to change once a family starts growing. And that is what is happening. I would never expect my family to change their traditions just because I demand it.

And don't even get me started on expecting everyone to be hunky-dory having holidays with the in-laws. Oof...that would be an absolute non-starter in my house 🤣 I would just chalk this all up as times a-changin'. Perhaps you could build a new tradition? Have them over for dinner on Christmas Eve? New Years Eve? Day after Christmas?

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[Reddit User] − NTA. The same advice given to a DIL goes for a MIL: if you’re not interested in going to their house, don’t go. If one of you feels forced to go another’s house for the holiday, then that person will be miserable. If staying home will make the holiday enjoyable for you, stay home. Your son will get over it.

TwoCentsPsychologist − Absolutely NTA. He’s not TA for wanting to change things up or for having their own Christmas dinner. But he only gets to ask OP to go, not DEMAND she does.. He sounds insufferable!!

bureaucratic_drift − NTA. He seems to think he's entitled to your presence. He's not. Social interactions are meant to be mutually beneficial for both sides. Invitations are not summonses, etc.. Cue the downvotes from the 'but FAAAAAAMILY!' crowd in three, two, one....

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peach-bellinis − ESH. You both have a “my way or the highway” mentality. Why was a compromise never suggested by either of you where you can celebrate together the day before or after Christmas?

Your son is coming off a little entitled expecting everyone to change their traditions, but you are coming off as cold hearted for making no efforts to see your grandchild during their first Christmas season.. Edited for grammar mistake

FatherItsQuiteChilly − NTA. You want to stay home with your husband and some very close friends/family. That’s completely fine. Your son is a grown adult and is acting childish. Hope your Christmas goes well with your Husband, OP! Happy holidays!

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These Redditors served up a mix of support and shade, cheering the mother’s boundary-setting while questioning her son’s pushiness. Some saw her stance as cold, others as a masterclass in self-care. But do these spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the holiday pot?

This Christmas clash shows how quickly holiday cheer can turn into a family standoff when expectations collide. The mother’s choice to stay home reflects a stand for personal comfort, while her son’s reaction reveals the emotional weight of new family milestones. Both have valid points, but mutual respect could light the way to peace. What would you do if you were caught between your holiday traditions and a loved one’s new plans? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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