AITA: I have been a practicing attorney for 20 years and I try to talk people’s kids out of going to law school?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy coffee shop, where the aroma of fresh espresso mingles with the hum of ambition, a seasoned lawyer sits across from a wide-eyed college senior. The air is thick with expectation, but instead of championing law school, the attorney unravels a gritty truth that leaves dreams teetering. This Reddit tale, buzzing with debate, follows a 20-year veteran lawyer who’s made it a mission to steer starry-eyed undergrads away from the legal grind, only to face a parent’s wrath for dimming their daughter’s plans.

The story unfolds with raw honesty, peeling back the glossy veneer of courtroom dramas to reveal a career fraught with stress and debt. It’s a narrative that resonates with anyone who’s faced pressure to chase a “prestigious” path, sparking curiosity about whether truth-telling crosses a line. Readers are drawn into a world where good intentions clash with familial expectations, setting the stage for a juicy discussion.

‘AITA: I have been a practicing attorney for 20 years and I try to talk people’s kids out of going to law school?‘

Yeah, I know you assume we’re all assholes anyway. I frequently get asked by people with college-aged kids to “talk to them about going to law school.” I know that the parents assume I will try to talk their kid into going to law school. However, no one ever phrases it that way or specifically asks me to talk them into going.

I typically happily agree to chat with their precocious undergraduate. I never tell the parents what I am going to say to their kids. Then I tell those kids the truth. Being a lawyer is frequently a s**t show and not at all what TV or movies make it appear. Law school is difficult and expensive.

Many lawyers start practicing in their mid to late 20s with over $200,000 in student loans. The job itself is often both stressful and boring, which is a weird emotional place to be in. Depending on the nature of the practice, you are probably going to be dealing with tight deadlines with real consequences constantly.

Certain kinds of practices, family law being the low-hanging fruit here, usually generate a lot of stress and negative emotions. There *are* lawyers out there making over $175k per year right out of school. Those people are usually working 90+ hour work weeks. It’s a grind.

Oh, and law firms are typically a pyramid scheme holding out equity partnership as the carrot and reward for a decade or so of trench labor. A very small percentage of attorneys make it to that lofty perch. The median attorney salary in the USA is around $45k per year. Try to pay off $200k in loans on that kind of pay.

I spoke to an acquaintance’s college senior kid earlier this week for about a half hour and laid all of this out. The parent then called me up to yell at me for ruining their plans for their daughter’s future. I told them that I agreed to talk to their kid about being a lawyer and that I never said I would try to paint a rosy picture.

I even pointed out that *they didn’t ask me to sell the idea* they just asked if I would talk about it. The daughter is still planning on taking the LSAT, along with the GRE and maybe the MCAT. So am I the a**hole for not trying to talk these promising young men and women into selling their souls for an Esq.?.

EDIT: I posted these in comments but am moving them here for easier visibility:. Thanks for all the comments. Obligatory 'wow this blew up in a way I was not expecting' observation.. Some general responses to questions in the comments:. I talk to people who are all over the spectrum on law school and lawyerin':

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I don't try to talk everybody out of it. I just try to provide some perspective that most people don't have access to. I know that I started law school with some very wrong ideas about the education and the job. I was the first lawyer in my entire extended family and did not know anyone who would 'give it to me straight' about the job.

If people have reasons to go to law school, I don't try to talk them out of it. The vast majority of the undergraduates I've talked to have been considering law school either because they got a liberal arts degree and did not have another plan for a career or their parents are pushing them to go.

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The entire concept of 'get a law degree, you can do anything!' is one that I actively discourage. You know what? You can do most of the things people say a law degree is useful for WITHOUT the law degree.

Once you have practiced for a few years, it can actually be hard to transition out of the industry because being a practicing law firm attorney may not actually prepare you for a lot of jobs. Junior attorneys (1 to 3 years out of school) at bigger firms may not even have much relevant legal experience.

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Many attorneys in firms do not even go to court for the first few years. I personally know attorneys in litigation practices that worked on discovery only for years (that's the information exchange part of a lawsuit). If you want to go to law school, do it! Just recognize that the industry and the job do not usually comport to expectations.

Do the research, know your financial picture and don't do it to make someone else happy! For the salary commenters: I also seem to have pulled an older median salary number. Regardless, keep in mind that whatever average salary data they show you, half the lawyers out there are making less than that.

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The fact that you savvy Redditors could find salary info shows you put more research into the idea than many of the undergrads I speak to. SECOND EDIT: I actually enjoyed law school immensely. I also thought that the LSAT was an interesting puzzle and I enjoyed studying for and taking the test.

Navigating career advice can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when parents have lofty dreams for their kids. This lawyer’s blunt honesty about law school’s toll—$200,000 in debt, grueling hours, and emotional strain—stirs a thorny debate. Is it fair to burst a young dreamer’s bubble, or is sugarcoating the truth a disservice? The parent’s anger reflects a broader tension: societal pressure to push kids toward “elite” careers.

The legal field’s challenges are well-documented. A 2021 American Bar Association report noted that 44% of lawyers face mental health struggles due to workplace stress. The lawyer’s pyramid scheme analogy rings true—only 10% of associates reach partner status, per Above the Law. This specific case highlights a universal issue: the mismatch between career glamour and reality, often fueled by parental expectations.

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Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychology professor, notes in Psychology Today, “Young adults thrive when given autonomy to explore careers that align with their values, not others’ ambitions.” Here, the lawyer empowers the student to weigh options like the GRE or MCAT, fostering informed choice. Yet, the parent’s reaction suggests a fear of deviation from a scripted path, a common dynamic in high-pressure families.

For those considering law school, research is key. Investigate loan repayment plans, job placement rates, and work-life balance in different legal sectors. Government or corporate roles, as some Redditors noted, may offer stability over private practice’s grind. The lawyer’s approach, while jarring, invites critical thinking—a gift to any undergrad facing a life-altering decision.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew dove into this drama like it was a courtroom showdown, serving up spicy takes with a side of wit. From fist-pumping support to raised eyebrows, the comments are a lively mix of cheers and jeers. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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DareDreamer23 − NTA. Graduated law school last May and I wish someone had talked me out of going to law school. It was truly a terrible 3 years

Zarochi − NTA. I'm so sick of this crap from parents. Good on you for being honest. They're trying to force their kids into a degree path they don't want and will be disappointed in. I work in IT and a lot of folks try to funnel their kids to that career too. Without the passion you won't be successful.

Virulencer − NAH. You aren't the only lawyer I have ever heard of that talks people out of law school. My wife's uncle is a lawyer and he told his daughters he would disown them if they went to law school. He was joking, of course, but he always tells people not to do it.

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SaraMWR − NTA. I work for a law firm as a paralegal. I'm happier in my job then the associates, as I work a 35 hour work week. I don't have to worry about nights and weekends.

My salary is guaranteed, not contingent on finding clients. I do well, I'll never make $175K a year but I have a 401K, good benefits, and an enjoyable job. Being a lawyer is for those who want to be lawyers, not rich.

curien − INFO: You say that the median income for attorneys in the US is $45k. US News says the median attorney salary in the US is $120k. Chron.com says the *bottom 10%* of lawyers earn $26.11/hr, which projected to full-time annual income is ~$50k, and the median in 2012 based on BLS data was $113k. Where do you get your data from?

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itsalawyerthing − NA I am a lawyer and I do the same exact thing as you did. You should only go to law school if you know the true costs- emotionally, financially, physically, and etc..

And I stand by the principal that you should only go if you want to practice law. There are too many lawyers entering the field and not enough jobs to support those graduates. I think you did the right thing and spelled out the realistic expectations.

PavLovesDogs − NAH. My husband is a successful attorney and he talks people out of going to law school constantly. Learning about the harsh realities of a lofty goal is good for people.

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If they proceed with the knowledge they will only be more prepared. That said, my husband does occasionally agree that law school is a good choice. Do you only tell them the negative things or do you tell them the whole truth?

[Reddit User] − Law school is expensive. And while everybody would love to be Perry Mason or Ben Matlock, nobody really dreams of. I think it is absolutely right to lay out the facts before somebody goes to law school. But I don't think you lay out all of the facts. Did you tell him about the satisfaction of occasionally striking a blow for justice?

That happh and exhausted feeling if you successfully try a case? Or how about that utter privilege of helping an asylee on the path to citizenship, knowing that you helped save their lives and their children better opportunities?

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Those moments are not part of the regular day-to-day life of an attorney. But they are also part of the practice. If you are going to educate a young person about legal practice, you should include both the highs and the lows in the interest of full disclosure.

I am going to say YTA, but only a soft YTA. I think you are right to be realistic with young lawyer wannabes. But I think you need to tell them some of the positives, too, so they can make informed decisions.

Bakkie − YTA Since you have been practicing for 20 years , you know damn well you can present that information in any number of ways. You chose to dissuade rather than lay out neutral facts so they are informed. I went to night school in the mid 70's and have been in practice since 78.

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I did some time in Big Law and agree with how you describe it. I also did a lot of trial work in boutique firms and worked in house for insurance companies.I also follow Indeed.com and know that most jobs, even entry level jobs are more than $45,000 a year. Not that much more at first, but more.

You also kind of failed to mention that a large percentage of lawyers are not in private practice- they work for government or corporations or insurance companies where there is something approaching work life balance. You miss the glamorous highs of courtroom work but it can be an intellectually stimulating decent paying profession.

So you had a choice between playing up the glamour, describing the slog of a potential work situation or actively dissuading. And you have the specialized skill to know how to present it any of those ways and with nuances in between.

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xanvirus − NTA. If one person is able to talk them out of going to law schools then they have no business going in the first place. They need to be sure. Not only is it a huge financial commitment, but also doing so pigeonholes them for the rest of their lives into a career that you, from my experience, perfectly describe as both boring and stressful.

These Redditors rallied behind the lawyer’s honesty or questioned if the negatives overshadowed the job’s rare highs. Some praised the reality check; others felt the lawyer cherry-picked the gloom. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s certain: this career conundrum has tongues wagging.

This lawyer’s saga lays bare the tug-of-war between truth and aspiration, leaving us to ponder the cost of chasing prestige. By shining a light on law school’s less glamorous side, the story challenges us to value authenticity over expectation. It’s a reminder that career paths should spark joy, not just check boxes. What would you do if you were in this lawyer’s shoes, facing a hopeful student and pushy parent? Share your thoughts below!

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