AITA for telling my mother I think she made me sick constantly as a child, in front of my children?

In a cozy suburban home, the air grows tense as a family grocery drop-off turns into an unexpected standoff. A 31-year-old parent faces a tough call: let their kids indulge in Grandma’s homemade lunch or stand firm on a painful childhood lesson about food safety. The decision stirs up old wounds and fresh tears, leaving the kids caught in the crossfire of family drama. Readers can’t help but wonder—how far would you go to protect your loved ones, even if it means hurting someone close?

This story, shared on Reddit, dives into a relatable clash of parental instinct versus family harmony. The original poster (OP) navigates their mother’s questionable cooking habits, rooted in years of mishandling food that left them sick as a child. It’s a tale of trust, boundaries, and the weight of past experiences shaping present choices.

‘AITA for telling my mother I think she made me sick constantly as a child, in front of my children?’

When I was a child, I was often sick. I rarely had a fever so my mother would send me to school. I would have horrible diarrhea & headaches and get sent to the nurse, then get sent home because even though I didn't have a fever I was clearly ill. I'd get in trouble for “lying” to the school nurse, get grounded, and then a couple weeks later it would happen again.

In middle school we were taught about food safety in school, and I finally realized that I was consistently being affected by food poisoning. My mother would cook dinner, leave it out all night & put everything away in the morning while packing it for my lunch. This meant my portion also sat in my schoolbag all day.

My parents would forget milk on the counter for hours. Forget perishable groceries in the car for days, but then say “its autumn so it’s fine” just toss it in the fridge. Condiments that were to be refrigerated after opening were just put in the cupboard, etc.

By the end of middle school I had stopped eating food from home and magically all of my digestive problems went away on a diet of early 2000’s cafeteria garbage. It didn't seem to bother my parents, but I came to the conclusion that the food was making me.

I had tried to talk about it once (I was confronted by my mother) and was told because my brother never had the same problems that I claimed so obviously I was trying to hide an eating disorder. It was such a slap in the face that it was the fight that made me move out while still in highschool.

Yesterday My kids and I (now 31) were dropping off her groceries & she was heating up some lunch, and offered to share if the kids were hungry. They were super excited because they are small and we had never eaten at grandmas before. I declined and said we were picking up lunch right after.

She kept pushing, saying things like don't spend money when you can get fed for free, let her spoil her grandbabies, etc, and eventually I had to have the conversation again. I tried to be gentle, but I know she does not follow any food safety guidelines and I know nothing has changed from when I lived here.

I said that it is my responsibility to only feed things to my children that I am absolutely sure are safe. It never rose to the level of raised voices, but we still left with her in tears, my children feeling guilty that they “hurt grandmas feelings” and my family saying I'm cruel. I might be the a**hole because she is claiming I ruined a fundamental trust the kids have in their grandma,.

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As a child, my doctor said I was fine ( as in I didn't have a food allergy etc ) and so me “ruining” this trust now is forcing my personal conspiracies on my children. I am being told that is spite and I am holding on to too much resentment instead of getting over it.

I am not willing to reconsider my personal stance, but I want to make sure I am not being cruel or spiteful. This forum helped me last time I was in a morally confusing situation, so I am ready to accept judgement again. Thank you for your time.

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Parenting decisions can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when family ties are at stake. The OP’s choice to shield their children from potentially unsafe food stems from a deep-seated fear, grounded in personal experience. Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, notes in a Psychology Today article that “parents often draw on their own childhood to guide their decisions, sometimes overcorrecting to avoid past harms.” Here, the OP’s caution reflects a desire to break a cycle of neglect, even if it ruffles feathers.

The conflict highlights a broader issue: balancing respect for family with child safety. According to the CDC, about 48 million people suffer from foodborne illnesses annually in the U.S., with children being especially vulnerable. The OP’s mother’s denial and emotional reaction suggest a struggle to accept criticism, a common dynamic in family systems. Her tears may reflect hurt pride more than malice, but the OP’s firm stance prioritizes their kids’ health over soothing feelings.

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Dr. Damour advises that setting boundaries with empathy can ease tension. The OP could acknowledge their mother’s intentions while firmly explaining their concerns, perhaps suggesting safer ways to share meals, like cooking together. This approach maintains respect while upholding safety, fostering trust without compromising principles. It’s a delicate dance, but one that honors both past lessons and present responsibilities.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, diving into the OP’s dilemma with a mix of wit and wisdom. They rallied behind the parent, tossing out quips about Gordon Ramsay-level kitchen horror and firm support for keeping kids safe. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, served with a side of humor and heart.

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FireInsideofMe − NTA. you tested your theory using rhe scientific method it sounds. Hows your mom with other criticisms? Your job as a mom to your kids is to protect them, even if it makes your mother uncomfortable . You did the right thing

CharlesBeast − NTA at all! **OP, please keep your children away from your mother's disgusting and unsanitary food practices. You weren't diagnosed at the doctor because they were testing for allergies. There is no way to test for food poising unless you are testing the food. It is basically common knowledge (that they teach in school), not a c**spiracy,

that the way your mother treats and stores food is unsafe and can cause people serious illness. Some people are more susceptible than it to others, but it is dangerous for anyone. You're not overreacting. Please don't let your children be exposed to the same thing that you were as a child. No child should have to go through that, especially with gaslighting from their mother.

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OP, you didn't 'ruin a fundamental trust the kids have in their grandma'. She did, by trying to feed them food that would make them sick. You're in the clear, please don't feel guilty. Keep protecting your children so that they don't go through the same thing that you did.

Limerase − NTA. Food poisoning can kill people and the young, elderly, and infirm are at a higher risk. Your mother's food safety habits are atrocious, I can only imagine what Gordon Ramsay would have to say to her. I have a couple of pieces of bread if you need them for a Ramsay special.

meliah1985 − NTA, you have an obligation as a parent to keep your children safe. That includes from close family if you believe they could do anything (deliberately or not) that could cause harm. Your mom ruined a fundamental trust between you and her when she couldn’t be bothered to follow basic common sense with regards to food safety;

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and now she cant even hold a civil conversation with you about your rational and tbh completely justified concerns? What your feeling isn’t resentment, it’s your parental instinct to protect your kids. Stand your ground on this one. It’s your mom that’s needs to accept she’s wrong. Also make sure no one allows your kids to feel any sort of guilt around this situation.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It’s your job to protect them, and you are doing so. Reassure your kids because, depending on their age, they might not understand your reasoning and their grandma’s sadness. You don’t want to foster mistrust or hurt their relationship. Talk to your mom about food safety and your reasoning, and see if she is receptive to changing.

But approach it in a way that she doesn’t feel attacked. If that doesn’t work, maybe cook your own food and bring it to her house so your kids get to eat there. Or have her at your house. You can also monitor what they eat there (eg non perishables or non refrigerated goods).

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An_Expensive_Avocado − I just really wanted to say thank you for all the comments and judgements! I am currently at work so I might be a little slow to answer any questions but please know I really do appreciate your time.

paxgarmana − NTA - trust is earned, not demanded.

JohnChapter11Verse35 − NTA. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Let’s say you gave in and they did eat there and get sick - how much would you have beaten yourself up, saying you knew better? You’re looking out for your kids’ best interest. There’s nothing wrong with that. The only thing I’ll add is that you’ve got to keep vigilant for relatives sneaking food from grandma to your kids, and then crowing about it later

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Few_Story3588 − NTA telling the truth isn’t wrong and you sure couldn’t let your kids eat that food and get sick!

RedditDK2 − NTA. If you have any doubt at all that the food your mom tried to give your kids isn't completely safe - don't let them eat it. It's your responsibility to protect the health of your kids, not to risk it to protect your mom's feelings.

These Redditors cheered the OP’s vigilance, slamming Grandma’s kitchen chaos as a recipe for disaster. Some urged reassurance for the kids to ease their guilt, while others suggested cooking at Grandma’s to keep the peace. But do these spicy takes capture the full flavor of the situation, or are they just stirring the pot?

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This story hits home for anyone juggling family ties and tough choices. The OP’s stand wasn’t about spite but survival, rooted in a childhood of avoidable sickness. It’s a reminder that protecting loved ones sometimes means tough conversations, even if tears follow. The Reddit community backed the OP, but every family’s recipe for resolving conflict is unique. What would you do if you faced a similar situation with your kids’ safety on the line?

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