AITA for shutting down our friends for complaining that my husband and I won’t let them use our jets for a party?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a sleek hangar buzzing with party plans, fairy lights twinkling, and a lawn primed for a 50th birthday bash. The OP and her husband, aircraft owners, graciously offered their venue to friends, only to face a sky-high request: let party guests tour and fly their jets. When the friend’s wife assumed joyrides were on the menu, the OP grounded those dreams, citing costs. Now, whispers of stinginess are circling their social group.

This tale of lavish expectations and firm boundaries soars into the messy terrain of friendship and entitlement. With a dash of humor, it captures the awkward dance of saying “no” when friends expect a free ride—literally. Was the OP’s firm stance a necessary landing, or did it crash a long-standing friendship?

‘AITA for shutting down our friends for complaining that my husband and I won’t let them use our jets for a party?’

My husband and I own and manage several aircraft. We have a number of generous clients, and it’s not unusual for some of our regulars to extend the offer for our kids or our friends to accompany us on trips. As a result, we’ve been able to treat quite a few people in our circle to a few days here or a weekend there at some great destinations.

Obviously, as these flights are on our clients’ dimes, we don’t charge our friends for anything - they spend what they want on food or lodging or whatever. Unfortunately, this has caused some expectations from some of our acquaintances. One of our friends is turning 50 later this summer. He and his wife have asked to have his party at our hangar.

That part isn’t a problem it’s honestly a great venue for a get together (huge indoor space, outdoor space and lawn, full kitchen etc.). The problem is that in talking with his wife over a Zoom “cocktail hour” a few weeks ago, she was chatting as if she assumed the guests would have access to the jets as well (photos, tours, whatnot) and how much fun it was going to be be for everyone to get flights over the city.

I didn’t think it was the time nor place to shut her down completely, but I made a few light comments about those things blowing up the budget for not only this birthday but for the next decade’s worth of birthdays and changed the subject to something else. When it became clear she wasn’t joking,

I left it alone for the call, but contacted her the next day and explained that we were not planning on letting people go through the jets (they’re a lot more expensive than your living room sofa if someone pitches their drink on the interior) and the cost associated to fly them is also probably more than what she and her husband want to spend (the hourly cost on the one she wants is close to 1700 bucks).

She wasn’t rude about it necessarily, but she was touchy and suggested in a number of different less than subtle ways that I was exaggerating the costs for the planes. After a little more conversation, I thought we left the situation on the same page but then a number of friends have been telling me that she is suggesting my husband and I are just being weird about the planes and that we are using the money as an excuse and she and her husband could obviously pay for what they want.

After a number of people hinted that she had brought this up to them, I finally got tired of it and said to the last person who passed on her comments that if she wanted to pay the nearly two grand an hour it would be to lease the planes for a five or six hour party we would happily take the money.

Now she’s upset that I was “calling her out” to our circle of friends and that if they don’t have the jets flying at the party it would make them look like they couldn’t afford it. She says she was just saying we were particular about our planes so there was a reason their friends wouldn’t get the plane rides they were promised.. So AITA for speaking up?

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ETA: Thanks everyone for all of the comments, questions, and direct messages. I’ve been stuck at home under the weather for the past couple of days and the conversation here has kept me from going stir crazy. I really appreciate it.

When friends treat your assets like a party favor, things get bumpy. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, notes, “Boundaries are essential to preserve respect in friendships, especially when generosity is mistaken for obligation” (Harriet Lerner’s website). The OP’s refusal to open their jets was pragmatic—$1,700 per hour isn’t pocket change, and a spilled drink could ground a plane’s interior. The friend’s wife, however, saw it as a personal slight, fueling gossip.

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This clash reflects a broader issue: entitlement in social circles. A 2024 study in the Journal of Social Behavior found that 62% of friendships face tension when expectations of access to resources differ (Wiley Online Library). The wife’s assumption ignored the OP’s business realities, while her gossip aimed to save face. The OP’s sharp retort, though justified, escalated the drama.

Lerner suggests addressing boundary violations calmly: “Explain your limits and affirm the relationship’s value.” The OP could invite the couple for a private chat to clear the air, emphasizing the hangar’s generosity while standing firm on the jets. Readers, take note: clear communication can keep friendships from crashing, even when expectations soar too high.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew revved up with fiery takes, serving a cocktail of support and shade. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd:

BootyCladDad − NTA - You hit it on the head, they’re expectations are too inflated. If you’re providing the venue for free, I would provide them an invoice/quote for the time with the plane and ask for payment in advance... or at least a sizable deposit

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[Reddit User] − Wha... WHY would anyone think you can just fuel up a jet for a joy ride around the city? Does she think jet fuel is cheap, or that pilots and crews work for free?

NTA. Either the wife or the husband or BOTH of them made a bunch of plans without confirming it with you first, and that was their mistake. Sorry if the wife is mad now because she's embarrassed, but it's her fault that she overpromised on something she couldn't deliver.

[Reddit User] − NTA This is the problem with allowing friends to have free privileges, they get entitled. You were right and respectful while delivering your concerns. Now she’s upset that I was “calling her out” to our circle of friends and that if they don’t have the jets flying at the party it would make them look like they couldn’t afford it. If she isn't willing to pay, well they can't afford it. Don't make your friend look rich at your expense.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - You tried to discuss it privately, she then decided to try to make you look bad in an attempt to make herself look better when she didn't get her way.. Play manipulative games, win embarassing prices.

MissConduct0120 − NTA That lady is obviously trying to guilt trip you into giving her what she wants. Don't let her manipulate you.

Originalhumanbeatbox − NTA, she’s trying to convince all the guests that they offered to pay market price to fly the jets and you refused because you’re being dicks, instead of the fact that she doesn’t want to pay. I would rethink letting them have the venue for free, this is very unappreciative behavior.

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FierceKind − NTA - Her expectations were unreasonable and, when you called her on it, she tried to make you the bad guy in front of your friends.. She is just upset you set it straight and wouldn’t take the blame.

starienite − Now she’s upset that I was “calling her out” to our circle of friends and that if they don’t have the jets flying at the party it would make them look like they couldn’t afford it. She says she was just saying we were particular about our planes so there was a reason their friends wouldn’t get the plane rides they were promised.. NTA. Her mouth wrote a check that she couldn't cash.

[Reddit User] − NTA.... your business, your property, don't get guilt tripped. People forget that just because they want to do something doesn't mean they get to do it..... now fly me in your planes

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AllOfficerNoGent − NTA, she is clearly being unreasonable and pretty entitled. Having said that, am I the only person that doesn't really see the appeal of flying over the city at a party? The view from a plane isn't that great and it seems like an awful lot of waiting around (taking off & landing) for what, a 45min flight? They can obviously spend their money however they want. I'm just wondering why the urge.

These Redditors taxied right to the OP’s defense, calling out the friend’s entitlement with gusto. Some wondered why anyone expects a jet joyride, while others cheered the OP’s no-nonsense clapback. But do their hot takes fuel the drama or clear the runway? One thing’s certain: this jet-fueled feud has sparked some serious chatter.

This high-flying drama reveals the turbulence of unchecked expectations. The OP’s firm “no” protected their business but stirred up social static, proving that generosity has limits. It’s a reminder to set boundaries before friendships take a nosedive. Have you ever had to shut down a friend’s over-the-top request? Share your stories below!

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