AITA for telling my daughter she will get kicked out if she drops out of high school?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet dinner table erupted into chaos when a mother’s ultimatum echoed through the room: finish high school or find a new place to live. In a cozy suburban home, where family photos line the walls and the hum of daily life usually prevails, Kayla, a 20-year-old “super senior,” sparked a fiery clash with her parents over her future. Her bold declaration to ditch school and reject the “capitalist” grind left her mother grappling with tough love and lingering guilt.

The tension is palpable as Kayla storms out, leaving her parents to question their approach. Readers can’t help but wonder: is this a necessary wake-up call or a step too far? The story dives into the messy balance of parenting, independence, and societal expectations, pulling us into a drama that feels all too real.

‘AITA for telling my daughter she will get kicked out if she drops out of high school?’

I don’t know if i’m in the wrong here. My daughter “Kayla” (20F) is a super senior. She got held back in her junior year and is 2 years older than the students she attends school with. She was supposed to graduate in 2020. Kayla had always been a C, D, and B student but it went downhill junior year.

My husband (50) and I (48) weren’t too happy that she got held back, but we understood and made sure that she would not need to get held back again. She enrolled in summer school this summer so she could prepare. When she was held back, she had a job and was to go to a community college after HS.

We let her quit her job because it caused stress and community college was still in the cards once she graduated. This year she is graduating and she said that she is going to drop out of school and not attempt to get a GED or continue her education. Kayla failed 3 out of 7 classes for the 1st quarter. She is very much against a “capitalist” society.

She doesn’t want to work for the same system until she is 62. I told her that she didn’t have to do that and that we wanted to give her the best education possible. She left our house after arguing and went to a friends. Kayla sees a therapist regularly. We value our daughters education but never forced being a A+ student and always understood she tries her hardest.

Maybe we babied her too much or let her get away with stuff. We raised her in a home with five kids. Her siblings are brother engineer (Marcus 26), brother tattoo artist (Luke 25) sister teacher (Abi 23)sister (Fiona, 16) is the above average student. We don’t come from a family filled with geniuses; we do want our kids to succeed.

Marcus told me that he believes she is taking advantage of us. Two hours ago Kayla and I got into an argument. I asked Kayla if she had at a plan to show to us so we could better understand her idea of dropping out. I tried to reason with her about dropping out and how at least getting a diploma is important.

She didn’t listen and after a lot of yelling I told her, If you want to drop out of high school you aren’t doing under this roof. You won’t be payed for. Don’t expect to come back here and be accepted once you can’t pay rent. This is the real world not a game! She has potential do good in the world. I think I messed up.

Kayla escaped to her friends out again out of her window which she hasn’t used in a while. My husband doesn’t care anymore. He hates fighting and wants Kayla to be happy.. Am I the a**hole for saying that she is getting kicked out if she drops out of high school?.

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EDIT: She has been tested for learning disabilities and she has none, along with mental illnesses. EDIT #2: Thank you all so much for the kind comments and advice. thank you to those who called me an AH too as I do understand your POV. We are looking at alternative schooling options and trade schools.

We are also having Kayla present her plan to us tomorrow, as she came home today while we were at work. An appointment has been made for family therapy and many tests for learning disabilities and mental illnesses and a new therapist is being searched for by my husband. Thank you all again.

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Kayla’s rebellion against high school and “capitalist” systems is a bold stance, but it’s left her family in a tough spot. Parenting a young adult who rejects education can feel like navigating a storm without a map. Kayla’s mother faces a clash between supporting her daughter’s autonomy and setting firm boundaries, a dilemma many parents know too well.

The root of Kayla’s resistance may stem from feeling overwhelmed or disconnected. According to Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescent behavior, “Teens and young adults often push back when they feel their identity is at odds with societal pressures” . Kayla’s anti-capitalist stance might reflect a deeper search for purpose, but her refusal to complete high school limits her options. Damour’s insight suggests Kayla needs guidance to channel her ideals into practical steps, like trade schools or alternative education paths.

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This situation highlights a broader issue: the pressure on young adults to conform to traditional success metrics. A 2023 study from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that 10% of U.S. high school students don’t graduate on time, often due to disengagement or economic pressures. Kayla’s case mirrors this trend, where ideological beliefs clash with practical realities. Her mother’s ultimatum, while harsh, aims to push accountability but risks alienating her further.

For solutions, experts like Damour recommend open dialogue and structured support. Kayla’s parents could explore trade programs or gap-year opportunities that align with her values, like sustainable agriculture or community work. Family therapy, as planned, is a smart move to rebuild trust. The key is balancing firmness with empathy, ensuring Kayla feels heard while understanding the consequences of her choices.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of tough love and practical advice for Kayla’s mom. From calling Kayla a “childish fool” to suggesting trade schools, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA - she's 20 and in high school? That's a super-duper senior. She needs a stern push on the right direction. To be honest, you need to put the foot down HARD right now.

fatolderlady2 − She climbed out a window? She sounds like a young child and not a 20 year old. Stick to your guns she needs to grow up.

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Geek_is_my_chic − Nta, shes 20 and still in high school and honestly you were being honest. You aren’t pushing her for A’s just C’s to pass and get a diploma which is super important like really super important. And you stated you aren’t going to deal with a freeloader

CandylandCanada − NTA. She is against a capitalist society but she wants you to support her? What economic system does she think makes that possible? Your husband is prioritizing his peace over yours,

because you don't accept her lifestyle choices. Putting her out is the best thing that you can do to force her to grow up (she won't do it otherwise) and to give yourself peace of mind. It's also fairest to your other children.

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loudent2 − I won't judge because this is above the our paygrade but you should definitely inform Kayla that if she wants to avoid 'working for the same system until 62' then getting a solid education is probably a good way to start that.

Trade school might be even better where she learns out how to build stuff, maybe working a farm where she can learn that etc. The point being, maybe you don't need a HS diploma (although that's a really a pretty low bar', but you need to be educated in things to be able to forge your own path.

Low-Bank-4898 − INFO: if you think you've coddled her to the point where you contributed to this current situation and attitude of hers, do you think you can fix it by wholesale pulling the rug out from under her? She's 20 and still in high school, sounds like both physically and emotionally/mentally.

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Would it be possible to compromise that if she got a job again (full time), and had to pay you rent, and buy/cook her own food, she can stay with you guys, and otherwise she'll get evicted? Basically the same thing, only with training wheels.

If you're feeling generous, you could take that rent and put some/all it aside for her when she does move out. Sink or swim is nice in theory, but it helps if you know a little bit about how to swim first, you know? Sorry, this sounds really difficult. I hope things get better for you guys.

[Reddit User] − Nta, shes a childish fool that needs to grow up and mature.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, stick with your guns mom. I have one around her age and we've had to practice some similar tough love about the fact that once you are an adult you HAVE to deal with the consequences for your choices.

[Reddit User] − INFO has she been assessed for learning disabilities? Or seen a doctor ? And do you think she is connected with the right therapist?

[Reddit User] − NTA. She is going to find out very quickly that not working is a cold and hungry experience unless she can find someone to support her anti-capitalist crusade.

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These Redditors rallied behind the mom’s stance, urging her to stick to her guns while tossing in ideas like job requirements or rent to teach responsibility. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family drama?

Kayla’s clash with her parents is a raw snapshot of the struggle to guide a young adult toward independence. Her mother’s ultimatum, born of frustration, reflects the delicate dance of tough love and support. With family therapy and alternative schooling on the horizon, there’s hope for a resolution, but the path forward is murky. What would you do if you were in this parent’s shoes, balancing love with accountability? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep Apple this family’s story together!

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