AITA for telling my son I don’t think him and his girlfriend are going to last?

In a cozy suburban home, the hum of a phone call drifts from a bedroom, where a 20-year-old medical student chats with his girlfriend, their voices brimming with affection. Downstairs, his mother, a 45-year-old with high hopes for her son, feels a pang of unease. She worries this young woman, a high school dropout turned entrepreneur, might derail his bright future. In a moment of blunt honesty, she voices her doubts, predicting their love won’t survive—a comment that ricochets, wounding her son’s girlfriend and igniting family tension.

This story crackles with the friction of a mother’s protective instincts clashing with her son’s autonomy. Her judgment, rooted in ideals of education and stability, stirs a hornet’s nest of hurt feelings and heated debates. Readers are drawn into the drama, grappling with whether her candor was a misstep or a misguided act of care.

‘AITA for telling my son I don’t think him and his girlfriend are going to last?’

I (f45) have two sons, one is 20 and one is 18. This is regarding my older son. He’s currently at university studying medicine but is home at the moment studying online. He’s been in a relationship with a girl from his university city since last December and they seem really in love, but I do have my concerns.

I think a further education is crucial, and my sons girlfriend didn’t even finish high school. She’s in a good job as she has her own business but it concerns me. She seems to distract him a lot, but my son claims she massively motivates him and tells him to get his work done, especially at the moment whilst they’re long distance.

She also isn’t from an ideal family situation as she was born out of wedlock and has separated parents. Yesterday my husband came downstairs and told me he could hear our son on the phone to his girlfriend. They call at least twice a day, for at least an hour each time.

I went upstairs and asked him if he was talking to her and he said they had just finished. I told him I didn’t think they would last to the end of lockdown and that maybe he should consider just being friends with her at the minute so he can focus properly. I don’t disapprove of her, but in all honesty she isn’t what I planned for my son.

She seems like a lovely girl but her lack of education does worry me. My son has been furious with me as he told his girlfriend what I said and it really upset her. My husband has also said that I need to keep my nose of my sons business as he’s 20 now. AITA for telling him they won’t last?

UPDATE I do not appreciate the direct messages I have received telling me obscene things. I have spoken to my son and apologised, however I will not change my mind until I have met his girlfriend.

I have found out that she was actually on the phone whilst I was talking to him and she heard the entire thing which is why she was so upset. She’s a great girl and I’m sure I will like her once I’ve met her

Predicting the end of a young couple’s relationship is a risky move, especially when it’s your son’s heart on the line. The mother’s concern about her son’s girlfriend—lacking a high school diploma and seemingly distracting—reflects a desire to protect his medical career. But her blunt delivery, overheard by the girlfriend, turned concern into judgment, souring family ties.

ADVERTISEMENT

The mother’s focus on education reveals a bias. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, says, “Judging a partner’s worth by credentials alone ignores their emotional and practical contributions” . The girlfriend’s business success and motivational role suggest ambition, yet the mother fixates on her unconventional path, dismissing her son’s perspective. This clash highlights a generational divide—valuing degrees over drive.

Overbearing parental input can strain relationships. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 55% of young adults reported parental disapproval as a major stressor in romantic relationships . The mother’s comment risks alienating her son, who values his girlfriend’s support during long-distance challenges.

ADVERTISEMENT

Moving forward, the mother should rebuild trust with an apology that acknowledges the girlfriend’s strengths, like her entrepreneurial spirit. Meeting her, as planned, could shift her perspective. She should also respect her son’s choices, focusing on open dialogue rather than ultimatums. This approach fosters family harmony while supporting his independence, inviting a more inclusive dynamic.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit swung in like a wrecking ball, serving up a feast of spicy takes on the mother’s misstep. The community didn’t hold back, roasting her elitist vibe while cheering the son’s right to choose his partner. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

ADVERTISEMENT

Void-splain − YTA! He got into med school, I'm sure he can decide what's best for his time management! If you don't like her because you think she's under achieving, at least have the courage to say that to your son,

rather than going on about what you think his priorities should be. Maybe you should ask him some questions about her and learn to understand what he sees in her, instead of trying to manage your son like a horse breeder.

ADVERTISEMENT

Babushkot − YTA. 'she isn't what I planed for my son' ???. Are you bloody kidding me?

spagooter2018 − YTA. You yourself stated she does well for herself with her own business and he says that she motivates him to do well in school. He’s happy. I really don’t see what the issue is here?

tiacalypso − Yup, YTA. Two hours a day spent on the phone to his girlfriend when the day has 24hrs and he‘s awake for, say, 14 of them?! It‘s his choice to date this woman, it‘s his prerogative to choose this woman and not yours. Her lack of education may be concerning to you but if she has a kind heart and a good nature, what‘s the issue?

ADVERTISEMENT

Especially since she is apparently financially stable and independent? You aren‘t being a kind, caring or supportive mother, you‘re just telling yourself that. You‘re being insufferably invasive and unsupportive, in reality. Especially since you are pretending to be doing your son a kindness.

anelezot − YTA. He’s old enough to choose who he dates. He seems to care a lot for her and you should respect his decision and also respect her. You hurt her feelings, she likely feels rejected by you now and I think you should apologize.

mullarkeymindy − Holy cow momma, you need to rethink exactly what you did there or you may end up alienating yourself from your son. Who he chooses to love and be with, is none of your business.

ADVERTISEMENT

He needs to make his own mistakes and now if they go on to marry and have kids, you've got to live with see her every thanksgiving knowing that she knows you don't like her. Also, how judgey are you to assume that because she doesn't have the same level as education as your son that she isn't good enough for her? YTA.

FloodAndFire − Yeah, YTA. You told him you don't think they'll last simply because YOU don't WANT them to last. You've actually provided no evidence that their relationship is in any danger - he finds her motivating, it sounds like she supports him, and they keep in frequent contact.

So your comment about them not lasting just makes you sound bitter and nosy. You say you don't disapprove of this girl, but clearly you do. Everything you say in your post says you disapprove of her. So she didn't finish high school. Ok. It's good to finish high school.

ADVERTISEMENT

But having her own successful business at her age is pretty impressive, isn't it? Doesn't that show ambition and intelligence? Your son is not going to care what you have 'planned' for him. You'll push him away. Don't be that overbearing mother who shits on your sons' girlfriends - it's never a good look.

tallybee − Massive YTA. Elitist, snobby and superior attitude is not a good look.. Qualifications are not all that. Backup plans come in many kinds and setbacks can happen to us all regardless.

lunarlandscapes − YTA. Unless shes literally abusive, your son is 20. What you planned for him doesnt matter anymore, its his choice

ADVERTISEMENT

reflorated − All your education and you're still someone who can't be happy for her children. I'll take your son's GF thanks. YTA.

These Redditors dished out tough love, slamming the mother’s snobbery and urging her to back off. But do their fiery takes nail the whole story, or are they just tossing fuel on the drama?

This tale of a mother’s misjudged warning cuts deep, exposing the tightrope walk between care and control. Her apology opens the door to healing, but the sting of her words lingers, challenging her to embrace her son’s choices. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t follow a parent’s playbook. How would you handle a loved one’s partner who didn’t match your expectations? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *