Aita for leaving the hospital while my wife was in labor?

In the tense hours of his wife’s labor, a husband faced a gut-punch betrayal: she chose her manipulative mother over him for the delivery room, breaking their agreement. Reeling from her pattern of caving to her mom’s crocodile tears, he took their 4-year-old son and left the hospital for his sister’s house, vowing to talk later. Now, with his wife’s guilt surfacing and his own heart heavy, he’s questioning if his exit was too harsh, even as Reddit rallies behind his pain.

This isn’t just a labor dispute; it’s a raw saga of loyalty, boundaries, and family interference. Step into this hospital heartbreak and decide: was he wrong to walk away, or justified in drawing a line?

‘Aita for leaving the hospital while my wife was in labor?’

So my wife sometimes likes to choose her mom over me when her mom get all upset. I guess she doesn't like to see her mom sad even tho you can tell she is faking it. Like when we were gonna go on a relaxing date she cancled it because her mom wanted to go to the mall with our first born

and when my wife said she had plans her mom sobbed crocodile tears and she went and said we can do the date later. Well we didnt go on that date till 2 months later because i didnt have days to take off when she was off. This is one example.

So a few days ago my wife was gonna go into labor with our second and she had promised i can be in the room until my mil told her a whole sob story about how she can wait outside and is too impatient and my wife caved in and when i took her to the hospital i was ordered to stay outside with our son.

Now at this point i felt very upset and angry so i called my sister and asked if me and my son could stay over for a day and she said yes so i left with my son went to the house got some clothes and left. I texted my wife that im staying over with my sister with my son and that we can talk after she feels better.

After that i talked to my sister about it while my son was hanging out with his cousin and then my wife texted me saying what was going on. So i told her about how i feel upset that she keeps choosing her mom over me and that when she feels better we can talk about it further.

Shs understood and so for the past 2 days when im not at the house my mil is there to help and when im there i just do all the normal stuff and some house work. I was starting to wonder if im an ass because my wife looks upset and i just feel bad. Sorry if this was more of a rant or dosent maks sense im just not in the right state of mind.

Edit: alot people people asked for an edit so here it is. 1. No i was not in a waiting room i was outside in the car with my 4yr son. 2. We had discussed that i would be in the room for a while even right before we went to the hospital. I had only found out i wasnt aloud in after the doctors asked who my wife wanted and mil pleaded to be in and my wife chose her.

Edit 2: to clear some more things up. We went with our son to the hospital because it was kinda unexpected that my wife was going into labor so we called mil to meet us at the hospital and pick up our son. and as she lives closer she got there before us. So we got there and then edit one happened and then we just left.

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Walking away from a partner’s labor is a drastic move, but this Reddit user’s decision to leave the hospital stemmed from a deep wound: his wife’s repeated prioritization of her manipulative mother, culminating in excluding him from their child’s birth. His frustration is valid—missing such a milestone due to a last-minute reversal, driven by his mother-in-law’s guilt-tripping, breaches trust. However, leaving without staying nearby, even in a waiting area, may have deepened his wife’s postpartum vulnerability, complicating their communication. The wife’s pattern of enabling her mother’s emotional blackmail, as seen in prior incidents like the canceled date, signals a need for firmer boundaries.

In-law dynamics can strain marriages. A 2023 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 65% of couples report tension when one partner fails to set boundaries with parents, often leading to resentment. The wife’s guilt now suggests awareness of her misstep, but without addressing her mother’s influence, this cycle may persist.

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Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman advises, “Clear boundaries with extended family protect the marital unit”. The husband should initiate a calm, post-recovery talk to set mutual expectations, possibly with counseling, as Reddit suggested. For readers, confronting manipulative in-laws requires united spousal support.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit pushed the pedal on this labor room drama, mostly backing the husband’s exit while slamming the wife’s choice and her mother’s antics. Here’s what the community had to say about this delivery room debacle:

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obamasfursona - NTA, it's not your MIL's kid, it's yours. She's acting like an entitled p**cho grandma and it's embarrassing. You missed the birth of your second child, YOUR second child, because your MIL guilt trips your wife like it's going out of style. I hope you and your wife work through this

hippiesoul03 - NTA but this is a weird family dynamic it seems.... You just missed the birth of your child and you guys are tip toeing around it.... I would be livid if I was you

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Flippn_Freddy - NTA. Marriage counselling asap. She chose her mother over you to the point you missed the birth of your child. Soon MIL will be making all decisions regarding your children because if you dont do what she says itll 'upset her'. If this dynamic keeps up it will slowly eat away and destroy your marriage.

DctrBanner - NTA. This one is tougher than it seems, but unless you're abusive or something I can't fathom any woman who can only pick one person to be in the delivery room choose her mother over her husband. If it was agreed upon beforehand between you and your wife, that's one thing.

But sitting in a waiting room with your son while your wife gives birth sounds like torture - I would probably have just left too. You really should have communicated with your wife though, and that probably wasn't the best time to make that play. That said, perhaps it needed to be done during such a big moment to open your wife's eyes to her behavior.

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WritPositWrit - ESH. Your MIL sucks for being manipulative and having no boundaries.. Your wife sucks for kicking you out of the L&D room. But you suck more for taking your (valid) stand at the worst possible time. Your wife never should have chosen her mother over you.

Especially not then. But, your ideal course of action was: call sister, ask her to come get your son, you stay in the hospital until your next child is born, help your wife during her recovery, get home, and THEN talk to your wife about how completely unacceptable this has all been.

curly_lox - NTA. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to be in the room when your child is born. I am sorry your wife hasn't cut that apron string with her mother and that you are suffering because of it.

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Wiilikecats - NTA,. Let's just reel back and take a look at what happened, You missed the birth of your second child. The reason you missed it, was because your wife decided her mother nagging to see a child because she 'Couldn't wait'

(the situation isn't funny, but lol to this, what are you gonna do, make them pop it out quicker with you in the room, lady?) And this 'Couldn't wait' took away a moment that you CANT REPLACE. The date? Okay, I'd be steamed but I'd let slide. But this? This is just overbearing. And that's not the right word.

You are doing the right thing imo, letting her rest. But please remember while shame and guilt are not fun, we feel them in response to usually poor actions, it's a consequence. She is most likely feeling that guilt because she agreed to let her mother be there for an event you both should have been.

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If I were you, I'd lay that out as bluntly as possible. When she's ready. There needs to be dividers, well spoken and communicated, between her mother and you two. You are the parents, not her.

Also, you were not TA for taking your son and staying somewhere else, no one is waiting in a car for hours or standing in a waiting room after getting shafted watching their secone-born be born. I'd duck out too,

dart1126 - NTA. It’s time you had a real sit down with your wife and let her know this was just one more in a series of slights and manipulations and times she unnecessarily chose her mother over you.

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You shouldn’t have actually left the hospital but do let her know that that was just out of complete frustration because this was a time she should absolutely not have done that. Let her know you’re getting tired of it and you know the mothers crying is all manipulation and you’re over your wife falling for it to the detriment of your relationship.

CauldronFire - I’m going to say maybe NTA? Probably closer to everyone sucks here. Because you weren’t even allowed in the hospital. If you were in the waiting room fine. But you had your kid with you just waiting in a car. She decided to pick her mom over you, there is not much else you can do because again, you are not in the hospital.

This is a repeated pattern of picking her mom over you, and it really sucks that the last straw was during her labor. Reading again. Y’all really need counseling. Or you need to make a decision to leave. It sounds like you are already on that track because you have no involvement with your newborn son at all. I think ESH is more appropriate now actually.

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DogsandCatsWorld1000 - NTA. Your wife would not be sad if she had not given into her mother and had let you see the birth of your child. Maybe get her to read /r/raisedbynarcissists to get an understanding of why her Mom is wrong.

These fiery takes fuel the husband’s stand, but do they overlook his wife’s postpartum state? Reddit’s clear: mom’s meddling crossed a line!

This hospital saga, sparked by a wife’s choice to prioritize her mother over her husband during labor, delivers a raw look at loyalty and limits. The Reddit user’s decision to leave with his son was a cry for respect, but it’s left both spouses grappling with guilt and hurt. As they navigate this newborn phase, the question lingers: was his exit a needed wake-up call, or a step too far? What would you do when family oversteps during life’s biggest moments? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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