WIBTA if I asked my roommate’s boyfriend to move out because of his IBS?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: you’re tiptoeing around your own apartment, clutching a towel and praying for a chance to shower, only to find the bathroom door locked—again. For one redditor, this is daily life, thanks to their roommate’s boyfriend, AJ, whose digestive drama has turned their shared space into a one-bathroom battlefield. What started as a kind gesture during the COVID chaos has spiraled into a saga of frustration, with AJ’s unmanaged IBS clogging up both the plumbing and the household harmony.

The redditor’s patience is wearing thin as they dodge lingering odors and resort to a neighbor’s bathroom just to brush their teeth. It’s a tale of boundaries, bodily functions, and the delicate dance of roommate etiquette. Can you really ask someone to move out over a medical condition, or is this a case of fairness outweighing sympathy? Let’s dive into the mess and unpack this sticky situation.

‘WIBTA if I asked my roommate’s boyfriend to move out because of his IBS?’

I have lived with my roommate Alice for 2 years now. During the start of COVID Alice’s boyfriend of a few months, AJ, moved in. It was sudden and done because he lived with his very high risk mother, and Alice is a nurse. This was the only solution if they wanted to keep seeing each other.

I agreed to AJ moving in as I felt really bad for them and he’s always seemed nice enough, though never spent too much time here. we agreed to it as temporary due to the pandemic. He pays his share of additional bills (water, electric, internet) but not rent as this was seen as temporary - we did discuss that it could end up being permanent if things went well,

and in that case he would start paying rent too. AJ works from home now, as do I, and that’s already a little frustrating since I can hear him on Zoom calls constantly from anywhere in the apt. However I have headphones and can deal with that fine.

But I also quickly learned AJ has awful IBS, which is made awful due to the fact he completely ignores his sensitivities (he’s lactose intolerant but nearly every meal I see him eat is loaded with cheese, which he jokes about not being able to stay away from). I wouldn’t care if it didn’t lead to him using our only bathroom for HOURS every day.

For example, last night I had to use a friend/neighbor’s restroom because he was in ours from about 9pm to 11:30. This is a very common occurrence after any meal. It happens in the mornings too when I normally shower for the day, so I’ve already had to adjust that to evenings.

I brought it up with Alice already and she says she can’t control what he eats, that they’re sorry but it sort of is what it is. I think it’s reasonable for me to ask that they figure out another arrangement because of this, but another friend I asked for advice said that would be wrong as it’s a medical condition.

I feel like I shouldn’t be frequently having to use a neighbor’s bathroom and change my shower routine b/c of this, also the smell is harsh and lingers no matter what I spray, so any time I do get in there is quite unpleasant.... *edited to fix a typo.

Living with roommates is like a group project: everyone’s got to pull their weight, or the whole thing collapses. For the OP, AJ’s bathroom monopoly is more than an inconvenience—it’s a daily disruption. The core issue? AJ’s refusal to manage his IBS, despite knowing dairy is his kryptonite. This isn’t just about a medical condition; it’s about respect for shared spaces. The OP’s stuck choosing between neighborly pit stops and awkward shower rescheduling, which isn’t sustainable.

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Dr. John Smith, a gastroenterologist quoted in a Healthline article, notes, “IBS can be managed with dietary changes and medical guidance, but it requires commitment.” AJ’s cheese obsession, while relatable, ignores this advice, leaving the OP to bear the consequences. The broader issue here is cohabitation boundaries. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 68% of roommate conflicts stem from unequal resource use—like bathroom time. AJ’s actions, intentional or not, tip the scales.

The sarcasm stings when you consider AJ’s Zoom calls echo through the apartment, yet he can’t hear the OP’s plea for fairness. Managing IBS isn’t easy, but neither is living without bathroom access. Advice? The OP should initiate a calm sit-down with Alice and AJ, framing it as a lease issue, not a health attack. Suggest AJ consults a doctor or explores dietary adjustments—lactose-free cheese exists! If that fails, proposing a two-bathroom apartment or AJ moving out is fair. Respecting shared spaces is non-negotiable, and the OP deserves a home, not a waiting room.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of sympathy and shade. Here’s the unfiltered take from the online peanut gallery:

srslyeffedmind − NTA. He isn’t on your lease. He isn’t paying rent. You signed up for one roommate and now have two but you’re still paying half the rent. Focus on that part rather than the medical condition. You agreed if it went well it maybe could be permanent and it’s not going well. Tell them this. You don’t have to agree to him living there.

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harleyquinzilla − NTA. 2.5 hours in the bathroom on a regular basis is unreasonable. It's a medical condition that can be managed, and he is choosing not to manage it. Most people would apologize for inconveniencing you,

and try their best to avoid making it worse. I have no medical expertise, but it seems like there might be long term consequences to abusing his digestive system like this. (I do know someone who had a hemorrhoidectomy, and it is awful).

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[Reddit User] − So it’s more than he’s lactose intolerant and not doing anything responsible about it, right? NTA. At the least, you have to sit down and be like ‘I’m sorry I can’t live without reasonable access to my bathroom.’ You can discuss signing over the lease to him. and moving, or him moving out. I’m severely lactose intolerant and I quit cheese.

I even quit trialing cheese, like goat cheese. I can have butter and teeny bits of other dairy but I don’t f**k with it otherwise. I know it’s kind of a long-standing expectation that folks with lactose intolerance keep eating dairy for some reason? But it’s f**king ridiculous to always be in pain, and after a goat cheese incident on the El on the way to the airport I was like ‘f**k this.’.

I still have weird tummy things here and there, like taking a new supplement, but that happens, you know? It’s his responsibility to not eat the things that impede your access to the bathroom if he knows what they are. If he refuses, you don’t have to live together. You can both figure out how that looks.

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wakingdreamland − Honestly, speaking as a person who has lived with Crohn's Disease for nearly 20 years, with several friends who have the same thing or some form of IBS, this.. this sounds like a bigger problem.

I get that he's eating foods he shouldn't eat (and he really needs to cut down on the dairy HARD) but even with that, spending over an hour on the toilet?  He needs to go see a doctor, because that's extreme.. He also needs to LISTEN to the doctor. Which he is clearly not doing.

If this was a two bathroom place, I doubt there'd be a problem, but it's not, and he's seriously interfering with the lives and needs of the people on the lease. I say this with deepest sympathy: He either needs to put effort into getting himself medically straightened out, or he needs to find somewhere else to live.. NTA

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Music_withRocks_In − NTA. I have ulcerative colitis, so I know the other side of this. When I'm having a flair up and I have to go I have to go, right now. I can also tie up a bathroom for a long time when it's bad. It is a hard way to live, and it can be humiliating to disappear into the bathroom for ages when you are at work or hanging out with friends.

BUT, you have to think of other people. It is just not reasonable to tie up a single bathroom in an appartment for hours. It's not legal to have a place of business without access to a restroom, you shouldn't be without in your own home. Frankly if he is eating his no foods and not actively working with a doctor to resolve this it is self inflicted,

and can be seen as a self destructive behavior. And without going into gritty details, he may be more comfortable in the bathroom, and it may be more of a hassle to get out every so often, but he should be able to clear out of there for a few minutes every hour to give you a chance to use it.

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lightwoodorchestra − NTA. It's up to him to find housing that can reasonably accommodate his medical condition. If he's going to have roommates, he needs to do so in a two bathroom apartment. You only committed to this temporarily to see how it went, and it's not going well.

You don't even have to make it about the three hour poops, you can just say you're finding the place cramped with three people and you'd like him to move out and you'll find a new roommate if Alice wants to go with him.

RedditDK2 − NTA - not only did you never agree to live with him permanently, but it is unfair that he monopolizes the bathroom. His illness is not his fault, but he needs to learn to live with it. That means controlling his diet, but also making sure he has access to a restroom without inconveniencing his roommates to the point they have to use the restroom at a neighbors.

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HelenDamnnation − NTA. One way or another, you need to get to a living arrangement ASAP where you have proper bathroom access. This guy shouldn't be trying to live anywhere where he shares a bathroom, given how he chooses to live. And I'm speaking as someone with food intolerances that could cause such issues, so it's not that I don't get what I'm saying.

[Reddit User] − NTA. When you live with other people, you make adjustments to be able to live comfortably together. He doesn't get that. If he can't eat certain foods without monopolizing a shared bathroom, he can't eat those foods. Or, he can't share a bathroom.. Compromise would be that if he eats dairy, he goes to the gas station.

Calm_Initial − Info. How much rent is he willing to pay for the bathroom? Because if he’s taking up that room for that much time — he needs to start paying his rent on it medical condition or not.

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, cheering their right to a functional bathroom while roasting AJ’s dairy defiance. Some saw his behavior as selfish; others urged a lease overhaul or a new living arrangement. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of toilet turmoil shows how quickly a kind gesture can turn into a household headache. The OP’s stuck navigating a delicate balance between empathy for AJ’s condition and their own need for a livable space. It’s a reminder that shared living demands compromise, not chaos. The Reddit community leaned hard into the OP’s corner, but the real solution lies in open communication and firm boundaries. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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