AITA for forcefully removing my drunk female friend from a party?

The scene’s buzzing: music thumps, drinks flow, and laughter fills a crowded house party—until the vibe shifts to something murky. A college guy, out with his girlfriend, roommate, and friend Sandra, watches her down drinks, slurring past her usual limit. A sober stranger hovers, flirting relentlessly, while another shady character lingers, eyeing Sandra as the night winds down. The clock ticks late, work looms for her in hours, and red flags wave like neon signs in our guy’s gut.

His girlfriend pleads, but Sandra clings to the party, brushing off warnings. The host shrugs, “She’s fine,” yet unease gnaws. Frustrated, he scoops her up, hauling her out despite her squirms. She thanks him later, but doubts swirl. Readers, feel the tension: was he a hero or overstepping? Buckle up for this wild, boozy ride!

‘AITA for forcefully removing my drunk female friend from a party?’

I went with a friend (we’ll call her Sandra) and my girlfriend to one of my roommates friend’s parties at their house. I didn’t know any of his friends because they were studying music and I’m in engineering. So unfamiliar people. After having a good time, it’s starting to get late and my girlfriend and roommate want to leave.

During the party I’ve noticed Sandra getting gradually more and more drunk to a point that she rarely ever gets to (and she’s got a reputation of being a bit of an a**oholic). There was a guy who’d been kicked out of uni (I think covering for drugs?) who’d been hovering over her since we got to the party. We all had pre drinks so she was pretty drunk before we got there mind you.

The thing is though, this guy was as sober as can be and I just didn’t like the situation. He’d been flirting with her all night and so when the time came, she didn’t want to leave but go with him. My girl was constantly trying to convince her to go but she was having none of it. I said that if she wants she could exchange numbers and follow it up at a later date.

(There is a little bit of a backstory of Sandra regretting hookups when drunk but I’ll respect her privacy on that.) Sandra had to get up for work in less than 5 hours, absolutely hammered. When I said this the guy she was with said “That’s not even that bad.” The party host had come over and had a conversation with me basically telling us to stop nannying her and that she can make her own decisions and that she’s safe there, but I thought otherwise.

I’m not even going to go into the other sleazy ass dude who asked us when told we’re leaving “Sandra’s staying though, right?” Anyways when push came to shove, with her absolutely refusing to go, I just picked her up and carried her out.

Meanwhile she was trying to get away and holding onto things. My gf and roommate followed me out and we all started walking home. By the time we were almost home, Sandra had calmed down, stopped and hugged/thanked me. But without that information do you guys think that I was being too nannying and shouldn’t have forced her out without her consent?.

This party saga mixes booze, instinct, and a bold move. Sandra, hammered beyond her norm, drew a sober guy’s focus—his persistence clashing with her clouded judgment. The host’s “she’s fine” and a sleazy bystander’s nudge raised alarms, prompting our guy to physically whisk her away. Her later thanks hints at relief, but the host and Sandra’s initial resistance spark debate: protection or control?

Consent’s the crux. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center notes 1 in 5 women face sexual assault risks, often tied to alcohol, where consent can’t be given (source). A sober pursuer targeting a drunk person screams trouble. Dr. Laura McGuire, a consent expert, says, “Impaired individuals can’t consent—full stop. Bystanders intervening can prevent harm” (source).

Our guy’s call—offering a number swap, then carrying her out—leaned on gut and Sandra’s past regrets. Advice? Stick to boundaries: check in sober, lean on friends.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit poured out raw, rowdy takes—some cheering, some sharp. Did our guy save the night or nanny too hard? Here’s the party line from the crowd:

VanillaFam - NTA you were protecting her from being raped. Her being drunk means she is unable to consent. And that guy being completly sober as well. .... You did the right thing and you should be proud

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Mirthe_99 - You, my dude, are the best friend in the world. Don't change. Pick that girl up and bring her home. Awesome! NTA

OhWowMagicThings - NTA. Thank you. I was assaulted with many witnesses around who ignored me. Most people are trash, but it makes me feel a little safer to know there are individuals like you in the world - however few. She is deeply blessed to have had you around. Due to my PTSD, it is no surprise control is now very important to me.

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Anytime I make a decision I assess the situation: will the risk be worth it if the worst case scenario becomes reality? If she truly didn’t want to leave the party, the biggest pain would be her contacting the party host for the guy’s info. This inconvenience pales in comparison to what most likely would have happened.. You did the right thing.

mckinnos - NTA. In my read, the other folks at this party were being creepy as hell. Sounds like Sandra was not in a state to give consent to any s**ual situation. I think you did the right thing by removing her from the situation. Like you said, if she wanted to hook up with them sober, then she can later.

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X_EDP445_X - 'drunker than she usually gets'? I don't know much about date-rape drugs but I'd assume someone put something in her Drink. Good on you for looking Out for your friend, DEFINITELY NTA. The only possible a**hole Here might be the Host, and 110% the person who was flirting with her, even if he didn't put anything in her Drink.

icantthinkofaname789 - NTA. She wasn't able to give consent anymore and you gave them the opportunity to meet again when she could think clear again. If this guy was a good person, he would just have exchanged numbers to hook up sober instead of trying to talk you people to leave her there. I'm glad you saved her from that and hope that she will work on her issues with men and alcohol.

[Reddit User] - NTA. While you can't force a grown woman to do something against her will because you want to protect her, I think most reasonable would consider this extenuating circumstances. It's like shoving someone out of the way of a speeding car. Yeah, you don't shove people, but it was necessary to save a life.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You 100% did the right thing. She was not in a state where she could look after herself and there were people who knew that and were COUNTING on that. They were 100% planning to do something awful when they got a chance. You need to look out for your friends, even if they’re in a state where they don’t realise at first that you’re helping them. Sandra even thanked you because she knew you were helping too.

jawwaduddin - Why are y'all f**king partying during a pandemic

Dull-Community - NTA Friends don’t let friends get raped at parties by sleazy assholes while they’re drunk. You had the opportunity to intervene and you did. Good for you. Sandra will thank you when she’s sober.

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These are Reddit’s hot takes, but do they hold water? Maybe he dodged a disaster, or perhaps he overplayed his hand.

This late-night drama pours out worry, loyalty, and a gutsy exit. A friend, drunk beyond reason, teetered on a risky edge, and our guy hauled her out, shrugging off protests. Sandra’s hug and thanks hint he nailed it, but the host’s pushback and her initial fight muddle the mix. Safety won, yet consent’s shadow lingers. Could a gentler nudge have worked, or was muscle the move? What would you do—swoop in or step back? Spill your thoughts, experiences, and takes below—let’s shake this up!

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