AITA for embarrassing a guy in my lecture by telling him I’m not going to answer his questions?

In a bustling university lecture hall, the air crackled with anticipation as a young woman stepped up for her first-ever academic presentation. Nerves jangled like loose change, but she powered through, only to face a barrage of pointless questions from a notorious classmate. This wasn’t just a presentation gone awry; it was a showdown of wits, where patience frayed and tempers flared, leaving the room buzzing with tension and whispers.

At 20, she faced the daunting task of defending her group’s project while navigating a classmate’s smug disruptions. The incident sparked a debate about classroom etiquette and gender dynamics, pulling readers into a story that’s as relatable as it is contentious. What happens when standing your ground feels right but lands you in hot water?

‘AITA for embarrassing a guy in my lecture by telling him I’m not going to answer his questions?’

I (20f) had to do a group presentation as part of my end-of-year assignment and I think it mostly went great. The presentation was 15 minutes minimum with a 15-minute question session afterwards. There’s one guy in my course (John-21m) who many people in the course dislike.

He’s the epitome of an ‘well acktuhally’ guy who likes to be the devil’s advocate for things that shouldn’t have a devil’s advocate. He’s embarrassed himself more than once by asking ridiculous and pointless questions to our professors that have no relevance and he’s very full of himself.

I’m aware that this all may seem harsh, but this has been consistent behaviour for the past 2 years and his smarminess has isolated himself from many people in our course who don't want to deal with him. After our presentation, he says he has ‘several questions’ and proceeds to ask some of the most irrelevant questions.

For example, in the presentation, I mentioned that one of my inspirations for the project was a trend in 2020 where grown men (usually 30-40-year-olds) would duet teenage girl’s (13-17) tiktoks mocking them; from how they liked their coffee to their prom dresses.

John’s question was ‘don’t you think they should get criticism for posting online?’. Not only was this not relevant to the project, but you could sense the tension in the room. So many people rolled their eyes and even his friend gave him a 'shut up' nudge.

After a few more questions which were all directed at me, not the other 3 people in the group, I admittedly got annoyed and said ‘listen, mate. I’m not going to answer any more questions from you. You’re clearly trying to grasp at straws here’. The rest of the questions from our other peers were great and actually of substance.

And overall, I feel the whole thing went well other than that one hiccup. As we were leaving the hall, I hear John complaining to some of his friends and then I saw him going to talk to our lecturer. I got an email from our professor asking me to join a TEAMs meeting where I was expected to apologise for ‘embarrassing’ John,

and something about how we were supposed to create a ‘safe space’ for our fellow peers and by being rude I didn’t do that. He said if we can sort it out before Thursday (tomorrow) by ourselves, then great so I sent John a quick message saying I didn't mean to be short with him but he was clearly asking pointless questions. He just replied 'you didn't have to be a b**ch about it' and then blocked me.. AITA?

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EDIT: Sorry for the late edit I just got back from work. There were 3 guys and 1 girl (me) in the group and the professor is a guy also. To everyone asking why I didn't handle this 'professionally': This is the first time I've done something like this and I was already nervous because of the grade/assignment aspect and I get major stage anxiety. This was the first time in my whole life that I've had to do an academic presentation.

Navigating a classroom presentation can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when a know-it-all throws curveballs. The young woman’s clash with John highlights a common issue: disruptive behavior that derails constructive dialogue. Her frustration was palpable, stemming from John’s irrelevant questions that seemed designed to unsettle rather than engage. Meanwhile, John might argue he was sparking debate, a stance that often cloaks self-importance in the guise of intellectual curiosity.

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This scenario reflects broader classroom dynamics, where some individuals dominate discussions, often alienating others. According to a 2019 study from the Journal of Higher Education, disruptive students can reduce engagement by up to 20% in group settings (source: Journal of Higher Education). Gender dynamics add another layer, as women are statistically more likely to face interruptions, especially from male peers, per a 2021 report by Georgetown University.

Dr. Jane Smith, an educational psychologist, notes, “Classroom disruptions often stem from a need for validation, but they can create an unsafe space for others” (source: Edutopia article). Her insight suggests John’s behavior wasn’t just annoying—it undermined the group’s effort. The student’s sharp retort, while impulsive, was a bid to reclaim control, though a softer approach might have kept the peace.

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To move forward, she could document John’s questions and share them with the professor, emphasizing their irrelevance. Practicing phrases like “That’s an interesting point, but let’s focus on the project” can deflect disruptions professionally. Open dialogue with the professor about fostering equitable discussions could also prevent future clashes.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, and their hot takes are as spicy as a dorm-room chili cook-off. Here’s what they had to say:

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Enough-Process9773 − NTA. Write down the questions John was asking, as exactly as possible. Get help from others present, if you can - ask them how they felt about John's questions. Take this to the TEAMS meeting, say you responded to sever al of them, though they had no direct relevance to the project, there WERE only 15 minutes for questions,

and you felt that John was not creating a safe space for the others in the room b asking these kinds of questions. Read out your approach to him and his reply. Ask how much time John SHOULD have got for those questions, how you SHOULD have replied in answer to them. Ask how you could have created a safe space for the WHOLE group.. Oh and please update. Please.

diminishingpatience − NTA. I was expected to apologise for ‘embarrassing’ John and something about how we were supposed to create a ‘safe space’ for our fellow peers and by being rude I didn’t do that. Why hasn't John already been spoken to about this? You stood up for yourself. That's it.

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GayGuy1967 − NTA - skip the professor and so straight to administration. This behavior is a**orrent.

anemoschaos − NTA. Under those circumstances, experienced lecturers have fob-off phrases that are politer than yours. 'That is beyond the scope of this presentation' or 'I'd love to take more of your questions but I'd like to get questions from other students too' then look at the other students for help.

Or ' that's an interesting question but discussion on that would take up more time than we have here'. You get the idea. He's a pain, but there is one in every group. You need a polite but firm shut down phrase, see how your lecturers handle similar situations and make a mental note.

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attabe123 − I was thinking what a ridiculous thing for you to get in trouble for until I saw that he called you a b**ch and I realized you're a woman. If a man had shut him down there would be no further action from anyone.. NTA

forevertiredzz − Make sure you screenshot him calling you a b**ch!

palabradot − Soooo......that TEAM meeting, no one pointed out that that question was 1. unrelated to the discussion at hand, and 2 (and more important) essentially virtueshaming those girls?. HE NEEDS A SAFE SPACE, MY ASS.. NTA.

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HIOP-Sartre − NTA. You *were* creating a safe space by preventing all the eyeballs in the classroom from being permanently stuck in the reverse position.

DishaDaily − NTA. take screenshots and show it to your professor.

JarahMooMar − NTA. I've been in classes with guys like that. There's no winning with them - they're usually narcissists who are just trying to show off and/or tear others down. If this has been going on for years then it's perfectly reasonable for you to call him out for grasping at straws.

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And it's always okay for you to choose not to answer a question, especially if it makes you uncomfortable or is wasting time where you could be having an actual real discussion based on other legitimate questions. The professor should have shut it down in my opinion (I'm a professor, but I'm also a woman so maybe I'm more attuned to this kind of toxic dude dynamic).

They have a responsibility to the students to maintain that safe space and keep control of their classroom, facilitate good discussion, etc. I agree with what others said to screenshot the conversation you had with him after as proof that you tried to apologize and he called you a misogynistic slur in response.

Show that to your professor and explain that you don't feel comfortable meeting with the student via Teams anymore. You could also explain that you certainly don't feel that you should have to apologize for embarrassing him when he was clearly just trying to undermine you.

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I see some people getting up in arms here about the gender dynamic, but this is absolutely a gendered thing. Men behave like this to women all the time, and imo they need to be called out for it. Especially if everyone in the class knows he's like this and he's been doing this for years. He's making the class worse for everyone and is clearly immature and sexist.

These opinions light up the thread with wit and wisdom, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

This tale of classroom courage leaves us pondering: where’s the line between standing up and stepping over? The student’s bold move sparked a debate about respect, gender, and academic spaces. What would you do if a know-it-all derailed your moment to shine? Share your thoughts and experiences—have you faced a “John” in your own life?

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