AITA for telling MIL we’ve moved because we liked the house?

Picture a bustling family, toddler in tow, hauling boxes into a charming rural house with wide porches and rolling fields just beyond the windows. For this couple, the move was a dream come true—a chance to settle into a home they adored, closer to the husband’s job, with a manageable mortgage. But the joy of new beginnings hit a snag when the husband’s mother, voice sharp over the phone, declared their decision “irresponsible.” Her accusation? They’d chosen this house to snub her, sidelining her from their child’s life.

The tension escalated when the OP, hoping to soothe her MIL’s fears, chimed in that they simply loved the house. Instead of calming the storm, her words sparked a tirade, with MIL calling her a liar. Now, caught between a fresh start and family drama, the couple wonders if their honesty backfired. Did explaining their heart’s choice make things worse, or is MIL’s reaction a sign of deeper control issues?

‘AITA for telling MIL we’ve moved because we liked the house?’

I recently came into enough money that I can now be a SAHM, and we were able to pay off our home, sell it, and get a small mortgage on a nicer house in a rural area. Our issue is husband and his family all live within 5 miles of MIL but we aren't very close with them. We didn't tell any of his siblings about my money or my job, and only told MIL once the sale had been finalised and paperwork signed for the new house.

When husband updated her so she had our new address she didn't say much other than 'I'm not sure how I feel about this, I need some time to decide.' Which we thought was a bit strange but we left her to it because we are busy trying to move house with a toddler during lockdown (I do not recommend!)

After a few days she called husband back and said she'd thought about it and discussed it with his sister and does not approve nor give us her blessing as she thinks it's irresponsible to not stay in a house we now outright own and instead take on more debt just to move 'far away' from the family.

He tried to explain to her that the new mortgage would only take 10 years (paying what we used to pay monthly anyway). With regards to 'far away' it's only 33 miles from our current home and is closer to husband's job. MIL said she felt we'd chosen the new house specifically because it's further from her to make it difficult to visit.

I jumped in (she was on speakerphone) to try to assure her the only reason we chose a house in that area is because we love the house. She asked husband to take her off speaker at which point she berated him for letting me 'lie and insulting her intelligence' since nobody moves to a new area just because they like a house.

She said my 'lie' being so obvious just proved we didn't care about keeping her in our baby's life and that I was trying to pull husband away from his family and he needs to rethink his decisions. He ended the call and basically said she'd made her bed and can now lie in it

but did say he thinks me jumping in with an emotional reason for the move rather than the logistics he was telling her probably made her feel I was dismissing them both and thats why she got upset. Was I the a**hole for saying we're moving because we love the new house?

Moving house is like rewriting your life’s backdrop, but when family like MIL starts directing the script, things get messy fast. This couple’s 33-mile hop to a dream home stirred up more than just dust—it kicked off a classic boundary clash. Let’s dive in with a smirk and some expert wisdom.

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The couple’s move was practical: closer to work, a 10-year mortgage they could handle, and a house that sparked joy. MIL’s claim that “nobody moves just because they like a house” is, frankly, bonkers. A 2023 Realtor.com survey found 68% of homebuyers prioritize personal attachment to a property over pure logistics (Realtor.com). The OP’s emotional reason wasn’t a lie—it’s human. MIL’s accusation smells more like a grab for control than a genuine grievance.

Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, notes in a 2024 Psychology Today article, “In-law conflicts often arise when parents feel their influence waning as adult children prioritize their own families” (Psychology Today). MIL’s demand for a “blessing” and her fixation on proximity suggest she’s struggling with the couple’s independence. The OP’s interjection, while heartfelt, may have fueled MIL’s perception of being dismissed, especially since she was already on edge.

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This spat reflects a broader issue: navigating in-law expectations in a nuclear family’s decisions. The couple’s minimal disclosure about their finances was smart, but MIL’s reaction shows how assumptions can spiral. Advice? The OP and husband should present a united front, calmly reinforcing that the move was their choice, not a jab at family. Setting firm boundaries—like limiting guilt-trippy calls—can prevent future oversteps. Invite MIL for a visit to show goodwill, but hold the line on justifying personal choices.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew jumped into this MIL meltdown like it’s a backyard barbecue gone rogue, serving up hot takes with a side of sass. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, straight from the thread:

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520throwaway − NTA. MIL's reasoning is completely absurd, as if the universe revolves around her, and how she must have been the first point of concern when your family picked a new house. Very bizarre. As for you interjecting with your reason, it's a perfectly valid reason.

You could have picked a reason as logical as Spock and she'd still be pissy. You can't logic someone out of a position they didn't logic themselves into.. EDIT: Thanks for the award!. EDIT2: I go to sleep for a few hours and look what happens! Thanks for all the awards

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nork-bork − NTA. Weird your MIL thinks this is her decision. Live your life, invite the fam up for a nice lunch or dinner to show them the place. 33 miles isn’t far at all, and if moving 33 miles brings your husband closer to work it means he gets to spend more time at home with his family rather than commuting. Congratulations on the windfall. She’ll get over it and will be telling all her friends how much she loves your new home before you know it.

HollyGoLately − NTA you’ve got a justnomil

Ikbenikk − 'He tried to explain to her' Stop.. Nope. Just no You have a nice new house, MIL doesn't get a say in this and hubby and you do not have to justify your choices to her It would be better if you also didn't, because arguing points in your defense will give her a sense of entitlement about it.

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It's almost saying 'sorry mil, you're right and you do get a say in this'. Not only for the house, but for everything she does or doesn't agree with in the future NTA, MIL needs to take several steps back. And if you're smart about it you help her do so by not feeding her feelings of 'I have a right to co-decide'

Unhappy-Coffee-1917 − NTA. It' s new boundaries timeeee 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

Dunka_Chino − NTA. Good thing that you’re now 33 miles away from the crazy.

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ieya404 − 'nobody moves to a new area just because they like a house'. Yeah, I'm thinking /r/JUSTNOMIL might be a place you could write about her. ;) You haven't moved far, you're moving closer to your husband's workplace (which means he spends less time commuting and can spend more time with family!),

and people sure as HELL move to nicer places when they can. A ten year mortgage is nothing and it is *incredibly* normal to live in a property you don't own outright.. NTA. She's too used to getting her own way and ruling the roost I think. Tough titties.. Have a wonderful life!

EllieMacAus19 − You’re NTA. But your MIL is, and she sounds like a manipulativ, passive aggressive A. It’s probably a good thing that you‘ve moved further away from her ... an added bonus!

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Trex1322 − NTA. This sounds like my dad when I said I wanted to live with my mom (I was 19 and was staying with him after my mom and I had a falling out). I told him 1) she and I had worked out our issues 2) she was closer to work (a job HE got me) 3) it was closer to college 4) she was willing to drive me to school to save me money on gas. On the way there he said 'Trex1322 I'm a logical person but I don't understand why you're doing this.'

I am glad it was dark because it was hard to not laugh out loud. There are some people you cannot talk sense into and it doesn't matter how logical your explanation. Adding emotion did give her an easy in but it wouldn't have changed the outcome. She would have been equally pissed if you said it was close to a good school for your kid, it has more space for kid to run around, it was a safer area, etc.

MrsBarneyFife − NTA - You were just trying to help explain the situation to your MIL so she would not perceive it as a slight. Unfortunately, she's crazy so she's going to make it look that way no matter what reasons you gave her. Your husband was wrong because frankly you shouldn't even have to give people a reason why your moving.

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You should talk to him about supporting you, especially when it comes to your MIL because she thinks you stole her son. Also, I wouldn't leave your child alone with her, she's definitely going to be saying inappropriate things about you to them to try and turn them against you.

These Redditors gave the OP a standing ovation, calling MIL’s logic absurd and her control issues glaring. Some urged the couple to skip justifications altogether, while others predicted MIL would come around once she saw the new digs. But do these fiery opinions nail the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

This house-moving drama is a masterclass in family boundaries stretched thin. The couple chased a home they loved, only to face MIL’s wrath, accusing them of cutting her out. The OP’s honest “we love the house” line was no lie, but it lit a fuse in an already tense dynamic. It’s a reminder that even well-meaning choices can stir up family storms. How would you handle a relative who sees your life decisions as a personal slight? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this rural relocation rumble!

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