AITA for telling my husband I won’t be going to his birthday dinner since he asked if I would leave early anyway?

Your situation is incredibly challenging, and it’s completely understandable that you’d feel hurt and unsupported. At 38 weeks pregnant, you’re already dealing with significant physical and emotional stress.

Your husband’s plan to have a birthday dinner where he expects you to leave early so he can stay out and party—while you’ve been asking for more support throughout your pregnancy—feels dismissive and inconsiderate. It’s not just about one birthday dinner; it’s about a pattern where your needs and well-being are consistently placed second to his desires.

‘AITA for telling my husband I won’t be going to his birthday dinner since he asked if I would leave early anyway?’

Dr. Melissa Hart, a family therapist specializing in relationship dynamics and perinatal stress, explains, “In any healthy relationship, particularly during pregnancy, it’s crucial that both partners feel supported and valued. When one partner repeatedly dismisses the other’s needs, especially during a vulnerable time like late pregnancy, it can create feelings of isolation and resentment.”

Dr. Hart further notes that setting boundaries is essential. “If a partner is not willing to compromise or acknowledge your physical and emotional limits, then asserting your own needs—such as refusing to attend an event where you’re expected to leave early—is not only reasonable, it’s necessary. It’s a form of self-respect and a clear signal that your well-being cannot be sacrificed for someone else’s convenience.”

She explains that your decision to skip the dinner is a response to a long-standing issue: the lack of empathy and shared responsibility in your relationship. Your husband’s repeated absences from important moments, like ultrasounds and hands-on support with your current pregnancy, suggest that his commitment to your shared life may be lacking. Consequently, refusing to be part of an event where you’re treated as disposable is both understandable and justified.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Many in the Reddit community have echoed these concerns. Commenters pointed out that your husband’s insistence on you leaving early while he continues to enjoy his evening with friends is a clear sign of neglect, especially given your advanced stage of pregnancy.

The overwhelming sentiment is that his behavior is selfish, and you’re not only justified in your decision but should prioritize your health and well-being. Some have even suggested that his approach could have serious repercussions if you were to go into labor unexpectedly. It’s clear that the consensus supports your need to set boundaries in a situation where you’re being repeatedly undervalued.

In summary, you are not the asshole for refusing to attend a birthday dinner where your needs are disregarded. Your decision reflects a necessary boundary that prioritizes your physical and emotional health, especially during such a critical time.

How do you feel this decision might impact your relationship in the long run? Have you considered discussing these recurring issues with your husband, perhaps in a setting where both of you can openly address your needs and expectations? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how to navigate support and empathy in relationships, particularly during challenging times.