AITA for changing the locks when my ex husband gave his mother his key to my place?

Imagine finding your ex’s mother in your living room, playing with your baby, having let herself in with a key you never gave her. A woman faced this shock twice, despite clear warnings, after her ex-husband handed his mother the house key meant for quick kid pickups. Fed up, she changed the locks, barring both from unannounced access, sparking a storm of complaints that she’s making co-parenting harder and restricting their kids’ access.

This Reddit AITA post hums with the tension of violated boundaries and co-parenting clashes. The woman, guarding her home’s sanctity, wonders if her lock change was fair or if two incidents don’t justify the hassle. Let’s dive into this saga of keys, uninvited guests, and a mama’s firm stand, with a nod to the fight for privacy.

‘AITA for changing the locks when my ex husband gave his mother his key to my place?’

My ex husband and I have 2 sons (ages 3 and 6) and a daughter (10 months). We split up just over a year ago, and during proceedings he got 1 weekend a month with our sons, and no custody of our daughter. He has to drive to the house to get the boys on his weekends.

Because sometimes I'm on work calls or dealing with the baby, and the boys always forget things at my place, we agreed that he could keep his key to the house so he could run in and grab stuff or come get the boys without disturbing me/the baby.

2 months ago, I found my ex's mother in my living room, playing with my daughter. I asked her how she got in, and she said that ex had given her his key so she could pick up the boys for him. I told her that as ex is meant to be the only person collecting the boys, I'd rather ex came for them in future.

She said she understood and would relay my message, then took the boys to ex, and all was fine. A month later, she just let herself into my home to pick up the boys *again*. I was a lot sterner this time, saying this was my home and she couldn't just let herself in.

She responded that this wasn't just my home, but also the home of her grandchildren and it used to be her son's home, too, and she has a key, so she shouldn't need to request my permission to enter. When she left I called my boyfriend, who then said he'd pick up a front door lock and come over and fit it, if I wanted.

I agreed, and within an hour the lock was changed and a latch was added. On Sunday, someone started knocking rapidly and forcefully on the front door. I saw it was my ex's mother and she had my sons with her, so I let the boys in, and she began to tell me that her key wasn't working so she'd need a new one.

ADVERTISEMENT

I said her key wasn't working because I changed the locks, and she wouldn't be getting a new one. She told me that I had to give my ex a new key so I might as well give it to her to give to him, and I refused, saying that clearly my ex can't be trusted with my key so he won't be getting one either.

Since this conversation, I have had non stop calls/messages from both my ex and his mother, saying I need to give one of them a key because them not having access to the house means having to rely on me to give them access, and that I am making things extraordinarily difficult for the both of them.

ADVERTISEMENT

They say that they need to have a key for the reasons in the first paragraph, and I've said that they need to start letting me know when they'll be coming so I can let them in. They say that I am restricting access to the children as they'll now have to work to my schedule,

but I checked and I'm well within my legal rights. Morally, however, I am unsure because technically speaking I am restricting access to the kids, and making life harder for all of us over 2 incidents.. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

This lock-changing saga exposes the friction of co-parenting when trust and boundaries erode. The woman’s decision to change her home’s locks was a direct response to her ex-husband’s breach—giving his mother a key without consent—and her mother-in-law’s repeated unannounced entries. Their claim that she’s restricting child access misframes the issue: it’s about her right to control her private space, not the kids’ visitation.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a co-parenting expert, notes, “Clear boundaries in co-parenting protect emotional and physical safety” (source: Psychology Today). The MIL’s assertion that the home belongs to her grandchildren or ex-son ignores legal and emotional realities. Studies show 70% of divorced parents face boundary disputes with ex-relatives.

This reflects broader challenges of maintaining privacy post-divorce. The woman’s solution—requiring notice for pickups—restores control without blocking access, though it demands coordination. Dr. Coleman suggests written co-parenting agreements to clarify rules, like key usage. She could say, “I need notice to feel secure.” Mediation might ease tensions if disputes persist.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s squad rolled in with fiery support, tossing shade at the ex’s family like neighbors at a block party.

ADVERTISEMENT

StAlvis − NTA. them not having access to the house means having to rely on me to give them access. **AND THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE**

SammyLoops1 − omg NTA at all. 'and it used to be her son's home, too' USED to, not anymore. I'm starting to get an idea why you divorced this guy. As long as you're within the law, if I were you,

I wouldn't give af if it made things difficult for either of them. They've abused the privilege and do not respect you whatsoever. Time to put up firm boundaries. Good for you for changing the locks and standing your ground.

ADVERTISEMENT

hamhockmom − I'm curious, why doesn't he have any custody of the youngest?. NTA.

White_RavenZ − NTA - Having 1 weekend a month with his boys does not mean he’s allowed 24/7 access to your home. You are not restricting access to the kids, but to your home. Your ex doesn’t live there anymore. He doesn’t get to just waltz in whenever he feels like it.

FabFatFun − NTA lmao, it isn't a shared hotel room, it's your *home*. She has no right to be there without your express permission and frankly, neither does your ex. He vacated the home, meaning it's now yours and he has no further right to it. I understand their frustration, but if you're going to have any kind of healthy co-parenting relationship with him,

ADVERTISEMENT

establishing boundaries clearly and early on is key. You gave him the key in good faith, and he proved he couldn't be trusted. If he's mad about it, remind him he's the one who shot himself in the foot by not being more careful with the trust you placed in him and being more firm with his mother when she overstepped your boundaries.

ICWhatsNUrP − NTA. Not a chance in hell. He is your *ex*. That means he doesn't need unfettered access to your things. Especially if he is going to give the key to his mother who thinks her wants trump all your concerns. saying I need to give one of them a key because them not having access to the house means having to rely on me to give them access.

Why yes, yes it does. I'm glad you realize this.. and that I am making things extraordinarily difficult for the both of them. Well, we tried the trusting route and y'all blew it.. They say that I am restricting access to the children as they'll now have to work to my schedule,. Welcome to life, where sometimes you have to be considerate of others.

ADVERTISEMENT

Matthewrmt − <morally, however, i am unsure because technically speaking restricting access to the kids, and making life harder for all of us over 2 incidents.<br> 2 incidents that you know of. Who knows how many times ex's mommy has let herself in to play with the kids, or snoop around, or do whatever. You told her twice not to enter your house.

Obviously, neither she no the ex can be responsible with access to your home.. You established very clear boundaries that they are ignoring. They have made their life more difficult and restricted access, not you.. NTA!. Edit: Thank you so much, kind Redditor for the award. It's my very first and I deeply appreciate it.</morally,>

[Reddit User] − NTA. She has no business coming in YOUR home unannounced. They could have made it work if they had at least called first but they didn't. Also it doesn't matter if it 'used to be' his house because it's 'no longer his house.'

ADVERTISEMENT

In the interest of how long you have to keep co-parenting, I would try to negotiate a compromise whee they can come pick up the boys but have to let you know first. One instance where they don't, new lock.

Nolan-358 − NTA - She NEVER had your permission to have that key. I would have called the cops the second time. She didn’t obtain the key from you or have permission so it’s breaking and entering and trespassing.

cantankerouswhale − NTA at all. They have 0 boundaries.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they hit the heart of this boundary battle? Was the lock change a power move or pure necessity?

This tale of a woman locking out her ex’s mom after unauthorized entries shows how fast trust can crumble in co-parenting. Her lock change, sparked by betrayal and defiance, was a stand for her home’s sanctity, not a block on her kids. Clear rules and respect could’ve avoided the drama, but her ex’s misstep set the stage. Have you ever had to secure your space from family overreach? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo locked in!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *