AITA for allowing my younger child to start a YouTube channel after telling my older child no?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a home where sibling bonds once thrived, a mother’s decisions sparked a rift that still stings. Five years ago, she gently steered her then-15-year-old daughter away from starting a YouTube channel, worried about online safety and the weight of schoolyard bullying. Her caution, rooted in love, aimed to protect her daughter from the harsh comments her sister warned about in the then-unfamiliar world of online content creation.

Fast forward to last year, when her 16-year-old younger daughter made a similar pitch with a compelling case for safety and responsibility. This time, the mother said yes, and her younger daughter’s channel soared, earning praise and profit. But the success fanned flames of resentment in her older daughter, who felt cheated by unequal rules. This Reddit tale captures the heartache of parenting choices clashing with sibling fairness.

‘AITA for allowing my younger child to start a YouTube channel after telling my older child no?’

When my daughter was 15, she wanted to start a YouTube channel to show off her makeup skills. This was 5 years ago. At the time I wasn't really familiar with makeup on YouTube. I was also uncomfortable with my underage daughter putting videos online of herself, especially after my sister told me about the comments women get.

And my daughter at the time was also struggling a little with bullies and I wanted to focus on helping with that first. I convinced her that a time consuming hobby doing online videos is not going to work and that she should focus on school.

Last year, my younger daughter made a similar request. She is 16. This time, I had her explain to me how this was safe and how she would be careful. I genuinely had no idea how it worked. After she gave a very thoughtful 'presentation', I allowed it. I still monitor her account regularly.

Within a year, my daughter has had a sizeable viewership on YouTube and Instagram. She now gets paid a decent bit of money from companies for advertisements. I was very surprised. My older daughter is now extremely angry and jealous.

She has accused me of favoritism and of being a bad parent. She has moved back home because her school is online next term. She no longer talks to me or my daughter nicely and ends up screaming at me if I try to talk to her about this. I admit I was old and ignorant about having a YouTube channel.

I have apologized to my older daughter. I spent 600 dollars on new makeup so she could try to start her own YouTube account but it did not succeed. And it looked like her relationship with her sister was hindering it. She was getting messages saying she was trying use her sister to become successful.

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She ended up deleting the account. She now says that I need to tell my younger daughter to stop making videos since it's only fair. I will not be doing this.. I feel really bad but I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.. Was I wrong? I'm brokenhearted about our relationship now.

This family drama underscores the challenges of parenting in a rapidly evolving digital age. The mother’s initial refusal to let her older daughter start a YouTube channel was grounded in legitimate concerns about online safety and bullying, especially given the less familiar landscape of social media five years ago. Her younger daughter’s success, however, highlights a shift in her understanding, sparked by a well-prepared pitch, but it left her older daughter feeling unfairly sidelined.

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Dr. Devra Gordon, a parenting expert, notes, “Consistency in parenting builds trust, but adapting to new information is equally vital” . The mother’s willingness to learn from her younger daughter’s presentation was commendable, but her failure to offer the same opportunity to her older daughter years earlier sowed seeds of resentment. The $600 makeup gesture, while generous, couldn’t undo the perceived favoritism.

This scenario reflects broader issues of sibling equity and digital parenting. A 2022 study by the Pew Research Center found that 59% of parents struggle with setting consistent rules for siblings in online activities . The older daughter’s anger likely stems from feeling her dreams were dismissed while her sister’s were embraced, amplified by her own failed attempt amid online criticism.

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The mother could foster healing by validating her older daughter’s feelings in a heartfelt talk, perhaps exploring alternative creative outlets together. Encouraging family therapy might also bridge the gap, addressing deeper issues of fairness.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users largely sided with the older daughter, arguing the mother’s inconsistent rules showed favoritism, even if unintentional. They felt she could have researched YouTube safety for her older daughter as she did for the younger, potentially sparing her years of missed opportunity and lingering resentment.

Some acknowledged the mother’s initial caution as reasonable given the era and bullying concerns, but most criticized her for not giving her older daughter a chance to make her case. The consensus was that her younger daughter’s success deepened the older’s sense of unfairness, though forcing the younger to stop wouldn’t solve the rift.

BCWwannabe − YTA. Did you think that maybe make up videos were the things that helped her with the bullies situation? You treated your daughters differently even though they wanted the exact same thing. If you were just a tiny bit interested you could’ve done some research about it or ask your daughter anything you wanted to know, but you didn’t want to.

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bkay13 − YTA. As the older child who was denied things frequently and then had parents who changed their mind for my younger brother, I understand how your older daughter feels.

I understand you’re trying to retroactively fix your short-sightedness, but I don’t understand why you let your younger daughter give you a “presentation” when you refused your older daughter without giving her that opportunity.

ReasonableThings − YTA, Yeah, if your daughter could have started five years ago she probably could have well established herself and been successful and happy on her own. Not only did you not allow her to do that because of your own ignorance, you let her sister do it and shes having a great time of it.

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Your daughter really wanted to do something and you denied her for no reason, then you let your other daughter do the same thing and she has to watch how happy and successful she is because of it and she has to know you stole that from her.

fcurbo − Going to go against the grain with NAH - bear with me for a second. My mother is very tech savvy but if I’d asked her 5 years ago when I was 16 if I could start a YouTube she would have been hesitant and probably would have said no as well.

You are not TA for being understandably worried about your daughter sharing details of her life on a platform you weren’t familiar with, because it wasn’t as well known by the general public then. If my 17 y/o sister however asked today my mom would probably be like “why are you even asking me?

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Do whatever you want” because we use internet differently today. People of the older generations know more about influencers and youtubers than they did back then, and that’s a fact.

However, I understand that your older daughter is jealous of your younger daughters success, so she isn’t TA either. Lastly, your younger daughter isn’t TA, obviously. It’s an unfortunate situation but that’s life. 600 dollars on make up is a pretty nice consolation prize as well, in my opinion.

EmpressJainaSolo − This sounds like it’s about a lot more than a YouTube account. Do you usually have an easier relationship with your youngest? It seems like she knows how to connect to you in a way your oldest doesn’t.

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Your oldest is lashing out as I’m guessing this is bringing up lots of unresolved issues. She’s not handling it well, but it also doesn’t sound like she’s getting the support she needs. And maybe that’s because you’re not trying, or maybe it’s because how you try isn’t the way that resonates with her.

[Reddit User] − YTA. If it wass a no for the older then it should have been as automatic no for the younger as well. This is sheer favouritism.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You could have your own research when your older daughter asked you. As an older sibling, I can’t explain how it hurt when when my parents did this to me. I felt like I wasn’t worth anything or couldn’t do anything right.

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PurpleDot0 − YTA if your daughter started 5 years ago I bet she’d have quite a following by now. You were ignorant and chose not to educate yourself. That’s on you and your daughter has ever right to be pissed

Vetiveri − So here's a story. When I was five years old I lost one of my fancy church shoes. My parents and I searched high and low, but eventually we had to go and still no shoe. They gave me a choice: stay home with my mother and be grounded for the rest of the day, or wear tennis shoes and get a spanking.

Five years later when my little sister was the same age as I was, she did the exact same thing. Lost one of her fancy shoes right before church. My parents stopped and bought her a new pair on the way to church. And I was about as angry as I have ever been in my life.

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The thing is, they weren't just favoring her over me, though I had no context for it at the time. When I lost my shoe, my dad's construction company had just gone bankrupt when the housing bubble collapsed.

They were supporting six children at the time, four of whom were fosters/adoptees who had been severely abused and needed a lot of help and resources that my parents were suddenly unable to provide.

They were in the early stages of getting shunned from their church which was heavy into prosperity theology and faith healing and took the fact that they were struggling financially and that my foster sibs weren't magically healed from all their trauma as a sign that my parents were secretly terrible people with no real faith.

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The d**g dealer across the street tried to burn the house down with us inside it because my dad had his car towed and they found all his drugs in it. My mom found out she was pregnant with my little sister. Point is, they were pretty much as low as it was possible to go, and literally had nothing left to deal with the a lost shoe.

Five years later they'd gotten their lives back together and we're in a completely different place. As an adult do I understand why they acted so different with my sister? Absolutely. Am I still a little bitter? Absolutely. Because it wasn't really about the damn shoe or one stupid punishment.

It's about the fact that my sister got to live a completely different life than I did. It's not really their fault, they did their best to fix it, but it's what it is. I'd maybe consider that your daughter isn't just upset that her sister got to do something that she didn't.

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She was bullied and tormented, and at least partially was denied a chance to have another life experience that she wanted because of that. And now her sister gets to have that experience,

gets to be popular because of it, and she's still getting bullied for trying to have the same thing. It's not just about you maybe or not playing favorites. It's about a life that she feels like she never gets to have.

hendrix67 − Yeah you f**ked up, not sure there's really anything you can do to fix it at this point.

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This tale of YouTube dreams and sibling strife reveals the tightrope parents walk between protection and fairness. The mother’s evolving stance on online safety opened doors for one daughter but left the other feeling robbed of her chance. How would you mend a family divide sparked by unequal rules? Share your thoughts below and let’s explore the messy art of parenting in the digital age.

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