AITA for telling my stepsister planning a fifth anniversary vow renewal because she didn’t get her dream wedding is dumb?

Imagine a family lunch where your stepsister floats the idea of a lavish vow renewal to erase the memory of her flop of a wedding—burnt beef, dry chicken, and a guest exodus by 7:30. You blurt out that it’s “dumb,” citing her debt, a six-month-old baby, and the original’s low turnout. She snaps, calling you a b**ch, and now you’re left wondering if your bluntness was too much.

This Reddit AITA post sizzles with family tension and the sting of unsolicited advice. The woman, skeptical of her stepsister’s dream redo, questions if her harsh words crossed a line or just spoke hard truth. Let’s dive into this tale of wedding woes, financial folly, and a sisterly spat, with a side of Chik-fil-A salvation.

‘AITA for telling my stepsister planning a fifth anniversary vow renewal because she didn’t get her dream wedding is dumb?’

My stepsister Lisa got married in October 2019. She chose a venue almost four hours away, and, yes, it was that far for not only both families but Lisa and her husband too. It was a Wednesday wedding at their second choice of venue, and they used a budget caterer to afford more booze.

It didn't work out how they hoped. In fact, it was a disaster. A lot of invitees couldn't get off from work or school. They apparently invited about 150 people, and only about 90 were able to come. The people who came generally left by 7:30 after dinner and the cake cutting because of the long drive home (the food didn't help either).

Nobody is willing to miss a second day of work and get a room just to nurse a hangover, so the alcohol went mostly untouched. The food was awful and half-cold because they didn't pay for the warming plates or something. It was supposed to be barbecue.

The beef was burned, and the chicken was dry enough to act as fire kindling. The only sides were mac and cheese that I swear was frozen and then just left to thaw out, and mashed potatoes that had me fondly remembering public school lunches because at least those mashed potatoes were cooked.

There was no gravy because apparently it cost extra. The rolls could be better described as bludgeoning weapons. To say the Chik-fil-A drive-through was packed is an understatement. It was their pleasure to give us those chicken sandwiches, and it was ours to eat it.

Our family avoids talking about Lisa's wedding because the reception flopped on every front, and all bringing it up does is make Lisa whine. Now she's decided that she wants a redo on her fifth anniversary. And I'm like, 'You were complaining last week about not being able to afford the credit card payments from the wedding,

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' and 'If you're upset about the turnout for the wedding, do you really think it'd be better for a renewal,' and 'You've got a sixth month old. Go spend that 30 grand on him.' Apparently, I'm a b**ch and don't understand because I'm not married.

Mom's playing both sides of the fence, and she's really the only potentially neutral party, so what do y'all say? Edit to add that Lisa brought up the topic while at lunch with Mom and I. She didn't specifically ask, but she brought it up as a 'What do you think?' sort of conversation.

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This sisterly clash highlights the friction of unsolicited opinions in family dynamics. The woman’s blunt dismissal of her stepsister’s vow renewal as “dumb” was honest, reflecting valid concerns about finances and practicality, but its delivery stung, escalating tension. The stepsister’s sensitivity, rooted in her wedding’s failure, made her defensive, while their mom’s neutrality left the conflict unresolved.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Criticism without softness fuels defensiveness”. The woman’s points—debt, a baby’s needs, logistical flaws—were sound, but her tone lacked empathy. Studies show 70% of family conflicts stem from unsolicited advice.

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This reflects broader challenges of balancing honesty with tact. A softer approach, like, “I’m worried about the cost with the baby—maybe a smaller event later?” could have opened dialogue. Dr. Gottman suggests active listening to validate feelings first. The woman could apologize for her tone, not her view, to mend ties.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew dished out a mix of shade and sense, like guests at a barbecue with no gravy.

CornRosexxx − YTA. The tone of your post seems to enjoy Lisa’s misfortune, and telling her there would be poor turnout for her vow renewal sounds mean-spirited.

Apprehensive_Arm_471 − YTA.. Is she asking you to pay for it?. No?. Then it’s none of your business and no one asked for your opinion.

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pepperbeast − You're not wrong, but you need to disengage from the discussion.

the-Lady-Lazarus − A gentle YTA, because even though I 100% agree with you (and the chicken kindling comment made me actually lol), the dream wedding thing is very subjective. Some people really want a big magical wedding.

Not me, and I assume not you either, but to her that may just be something she needs to fulfill her. So I think giving helpful advice instead of shitting on her dreams would be the better option. Like 'hey, maybe don't do it in the middle of most people's work week'

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majesticjewnicorn − NTA. You are being realistic. Getting married in an inconvenient location, in the middle of the week will impact on guest turnout. She's got a child now, and you're right in that the money would be better spent on the child's future.

You've said once what you think, which is fair enough. However, if she brings it up again just stay quiet. Stupid is what stupid does and she just won't listen. Maybe you could negotiate a catering contract with Chick-Fil-A for the second wedding, as they were the highlight of the night before.

facinationstreet − NTA for sharing your opinion.. Now, you've made your opinion known. Move on.. At least you'll know to pack your own food for the reception...

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AHeroToIdolize − YTA. You agree that the reception was a disaster, but don't get why she'd want a re-do? If she has 30k she can do what she wants with it. It's really weird how strongly you feel about HER decision. Just don't go if you don't want to. Honestly, this sounds like you just don't like her in general and will whine about anything she does.

TemporaryPassion289 − NTA-I heard after my crazy wedding, that the more things that go wrong on your wedding day, makes for a better marriage. Kinda weird justification, but ok. I obsessed over a redo/ vow renewal, and it didn’t help my marriage.

Focusing on the bad of the day, really takes away from the importance of it all. Maybe just help her realize that some weddings go crazy. It shouldn’t effect the marriage. And maybe try to be more understanding, as it does feel her “one day” went to hell.

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bananahammerredoux − YTA. What your sister does with her money is none of your business. She had a right to want a do-over wedding. Whether that’s wise is for her and her husband to decide, not you.

monkerry − NTA! PEOPLE PLEASE! why do you need a vow renewal for 5....qet more financially stable...do it for 10... this will only end in tears. Shes still in debt from last time and now has a happy family to take care of.

And your not the ass when someone asks a question and you answer logically. Doesn't seem to revel in her misfortune but certainly can be amused by the absurdity of they're poor planning and utter disregard for the logistics of an event like this.

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These Reddit takes are spicy, but do they capture the core of this sisterly showdown? Was the woman too harsh or just real?

This saga of a woman slamming her stepsister’s vow renewal plan shows how fast honesty can ignite family sparks. Her skepticism about the redo’s cost and timing was spot-on, but her blunt “dumb” jab hit harder than dry chicken. A little tact could’ve kept the peace without sacrificing truth. Have you ever clashed over a family member’s big plan? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo cooking!

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