AITA for helping my ex when in a relationship?

Picture a dad grabbing his toolbox to check a rickety swing set at his ex’s house, ensuring his daughter’s safety. Now imagine his girlfriend fuming, calling it a favor for his ex, only to later ask her ex for help with a pool project. A man, caught in this co-parenting conundrum, points out the hypocrisy, sparking a heated debate over boundaries and fairness in their 15-month relationship.

This Reddit AITA post crackles with the tension of blended families and clashing expectations. The man, prioritizing his daughter’s well-being, wonders if helping his ex makes him the bad guy or if his girlfriend’s double standard is the real issue. Let’s dive into this saga of swing sets, pool prep, and relationship red flags, with a dash of parenting heart.

‘AITA for helping my ex when in a relationship?’

I have been divorced for 4 years and living with another woman for 15 months. About 3 months ago, I got a text from my former neighbor telling me that they watched my daughter swinging but were concerned the whole thing might collapse. I told my ex not to let her use it.

She asked if I could take a look at it to see if it was worth fixing. I told my gf that I was goi g to take a look and if it was less than an hours work, I would fix it. She got all freaked out saying this was my exes responsibility and I shouldn’t be involved.

Fast forward three weeks. We have to replace an above ground pool because a tree fell in it. We removed the old pool and are ready to install the new one. She asks her ex to come over and help us level the ground because he had a laser level and has done it before.

I point out this double standard and she tells me it’s no where near the same because she asked him to help us where my ex asked me to do something for her. I say it’s no different. She thinks it’s vastly different. Am I the a**hole?

This swing-set squabble exposes the complexities of co-parenting within new relationships. The man’s decision to fix his daughter’s swing, a safety concern, aligns with his parental duty, not a favor to his ex. His girlfriend’s objection, followed by her own request for her ex’s help, reveals a double standard, likely fueled by insecurity or unclear boundaries.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a couples therapist, notes, “Healthy relationships respect co-parenting obligations”. The girlfriend’s reaction suggests discomfort with his ex’s presence, a common issue in 30% of blended family dynamics. Her pool request, framed as mutual benefit, still mirrors his action—both involve exes aiding family needs.

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This highlights broader challenges of integrating ex-partners into new partnerships. Open dialogue could clarify intentions: the man might say, “I’m doing this for our daughter, not my ex.” Dr. Heitler advises setting co-parenting ground rules early to avoid resentment. If the girlfriend can’t accept his daughter’s priority, deeper issues loom.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, dishing out support and shade like tools at a backyard fix-it party.

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vee1005 − NTA. You have a daughter with your ex. This literally involved the safety & well-being of your child. Why didn’t your girlfriend just pay someone to level the ground? Why did she have to ask her ex?

happyhazelhoney − Hold up.. you were going to go fix your DAUGHTER'S swing set and your gf got mad and said you couldn't? You weren't doing it for your ex - you were doing it for your daughter's safety. I'd be finding a new gf cuz she doesn't seem to understand how coparenting

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(or parenting in general) works... regardless of being in a relationship or not, your ex will always be in and a part of your life because you have a kid together. And any gf you have needs to be okay with this.. NTA.

AttackOnHarley − Wait? Hold up.. She had a problem with you for fixing your daughters swing?. That's your daughters mother.. I'm hands down saying NTA

metastasis_d − There is a difference, but it still doesn't matter. You're not doing it for your ex, you're doing it for your kid. Is she incapable of understanding the difference? Have you pointed out that it's not for your ex? If she thinks your daughter should go without something solely because it might also help your ex out, you should dump her.

I suggest making it very clear that it sounds like she's suggesting spiting your ex even so far as to spite your daughter, and go from there. Could just be her head is too far up her ass to realize what she's demanding.

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silverskyes83 − NTA if anything, your current GF is. You were wanting to help you ex to ensure the SAFETY of your daughter.

Asherenne − NTA but she sure is. How dare your girlfriend get mad at you for making sure a piece of equipment used by your daughter is safe? You may need to rethink the type of person you're with. No sane person would get mad at you over something like that.

Plan_ahea___d − Your current flame is TA. By fixing the playset at your ex's house, you are creating a safe environment for your daughter. The woman you are with is a manipulator.

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No-Jellyfish-1208 − NTA. It was about your daughter's safety.

Marmenoire − NTA. She's going to be a problem later. She's already jealous of the cordial relationship you have with YOUR CHILD'S MOTHER. Not just a ex, but the woman you share a child with who asked you to ensure your child's safety.

If you stay with her she's going to make that relationship difficult and will probably resent you doing anything for your child eventually. If you have a child with her will she then expect you to put your mutual child ahead of your eldest.

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Your child will your ex be treated as lesser. She's showing you who she is. Please listen to her before you get in deeper. Strap up and keep them safe or you'll find yourself a dad again. And this baby's mom will not be reasonable.

[Reddit User] − The only difference I see is that your wife's request was about ensuring that your daughter is able to play safely and her request was about replacing a luxury item. Is your gf really not willing to put her jealousy aside for your daughter's well-being? I think you need to have a big discussion with her because your daughter should always come before your gf and she needs to understand that. NTA.

These Reddit takes are sharp, but do they cut to the core of this co-parenting clash? Is the man justified, or missing her point?

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This tale of a dad fixing a swing and calling out his girlfriend’s hypocrisy shows how fast co-parenting can stir relationship storms. His focus on his daughter’s safety was spot-on, but her double standard reveals cracks in trust. Clear boundaries and honest talks could fix more than swing sets. Have you ever faced tension over exes in a new relationship? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo swinging!

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