AITA For Telling My Wife If She Insists That My Sister Move Out I Won’t Defend Her Or Her Choice?

Imagine a home buzzing with life—two adorable 3-year-old twins giggling, a young sister-in-law scrubbing dishes, and a couple navigating a pandemic’s curveballs. For a year, 19-year-old Amy has been a godsend, folding laundry and whipping up breakfasts to ease the load for her brother (34M) and his wife, Lea (36F). Initially, all seemed golden in this cozy setup, a promise kept to support Amy’s college journey gone sideways amid shutdowns. Gratitude shone through her tireless chores, a rent-free thank-you.

Then, a plot twist: Lea wants Amy out, eyeing a rent-paying cousin to take her place. Sparks fly as our loyal brother digs in, refusing to boot his baby sister and warning Lea she’ll face family judgment alone. Tension crackles—greed or fair play? Dive into this Reddit AITA saga, where love, loyalty, and laundry collide!

‘AITA For Telling My Wife If She Insists That My Sister Move Out I Won’t Defend Her Or Her Choice?’

I (34m) am married with two kids (3f and 3f) and over the past year my sister 'Amy' (19f) has been living with me and my wife 'Lea' (36f) because of the pandemic. My parents live in another state and the only reason they felt comfortable with Amy going to college out of state was because my wife and I promised to be there for her in case of trouble. 

After the shut down Amy moved in with us and eventually decided to take some time off because she felt too stressed out. Initially, Lea seemed fine with that because Amy got a job and started helping around the house. Examples: Doing all the laundry, cleaning the living room, doing the grocery shopping, paying for the groceries, cooking breakfast 4 days a week,

cooking dinner 3 days a week, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, and babysitting so long as we gave her 48hr notice. Amy did all of this to show how grateful she was to us and because she wasn't paying rent. After Amy got a job I sat down with her and worked out budgeting system with her so once she went back to school she could put her money towards college expenses. 

She rarely buys anything luxuries for herself and asks me to double check her finances regularly so I know she's not just blowing it. I thought everything was great. Until Lea told me that she wanted Amy out. When I inquired why, she at first didn't give a real reason for me to support it and then I found out that Lea's cousin got a new job near where we lived and needed a place to stay would offer to pay us rent until they go their own place.

Lea feels like Amy has stayed long enough and wants someone who can offer financial contribution. I told her that I didn't support this decision and would not be kicking my baby sister out when she's putting in the work to better herself.

I was upset and said that if she wanted Amy out then she'd have to tell her herself, but warned her that my parents would see her as greedy and not to expect me to defend her. Now Lea isn't talking to me and after a couple of days I need to ask AITA?

ETA: For got to add sorry, but yes I did run Amy paying rent by Lea as a compromise however Amy barely makes above minimum wage and even if she factor in paying rent it wouldn't be nearly as much as what Lea's cousin is offering. Also, it hasn't been explicitly said but it looking like Lea's cousin will pay rent but not help around the house. At most just clean up after themself.

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Housing family can turn a home into a tightrope—balancing gratitude, space, and spousal unity! This husband’s torn between his hardworking sister, Amy, and his wife, Lea, who’s angling for a rent-paying cousin. He sees Amy’s chores and budgeting as proof of her drive; Lea sees a chance to ease finances. He’s digging in, leaving Lea to deliver the tough news solo—risking a chilly rift with his parents.

This echoes a wider issue: cohabitation strains in blended households. A 2021 Pew Research study shows 29% of U.S. adults have lived with extended family, often sparking friction over contributions (source). Lea’s push for rent clashes with Amy’s sweat equity—chores likely worth more than minimum wage, per household cost estimates.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “In conflict, fairness and mutual respect are key—unilateral moves erode trust” (source). Here, the husband’s stance risks alienating Lea, while her opacity fuels mistrust. A fix? Sit down together—craft a timeline for Amy’s exit, weigh the cousin’s role, and talk openly. Compromise, not ultimatums, saves the day.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s crew chimed in with spicy takes—served with a dash of humor and heart!

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No-Jellyfish-1208 - NTA Your sister was not leeching. In fact, she contributed a lot to the household by doing all the chores you listed. It might cost way more to hire someone to do all that for you than your wife's cousin would potentially pay in rent. So financial argument is sort of invalid.

cagedjaybird - NTA. Also make sure she knows that if she kicks out your sister that you won't allow her cousin to move in. If she tries to argue that this is her house too, then respond, 'Exactly. It's *our* house. Neither of us gets unilateral control over what happens. If you have the right to nix my sister staying here, then I have the right to nix your cousin staying here.'

Damn_Dutchman - Weird opinion here but NAH You moved your sister in to help her out during school. Now shes no longer in school but shes working and definitely is doing more than her fair share of caring for kids cooking and cleaning as her version of 'rent' but still the point was to help her out. After a year she should be close to ready to be on her own.

But now your wife wants to help out someone in her family. Instead of chores they are offering to just pay rent. Either way someone else is still in the house and there's nothing wrong with your wife wanting to help her family too. Im not saying kick your sister out if shes not financially secure.

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But you do her budget and there should've been an end date in mind for her to have X savings X for an apartment, etc. But it seems more of you moved her in with no actual plan. Make sure there's a plan, with an end date. Show your wife, and if it lines up and your sister is out by x time than her cousin can move in.

If it doesn't , then the cousin cant come. Again she wants to help her family like you're helping yours ...but its all about the game plan. No reason to turn this into 'how dare you kick out my sister'..soon well read a reddit post from your wife saying 'husband puts his sister above me and my feelings'

pineboxwaiting - NTA Your wife is committing familial harakiri. Absolutely not. She will alienate your whole family forever over a few bucks. Just no.

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DrFishTaco - NTA - your wife’s motives are deplorable

BetterWithLatte - ESH Having someone else live with you all the time is hard, so in a marriage it needs to be a 2 yes 1 no situation. If she's sick of having your sister living with her then you need to have her back, especially while your sister is not in school since school was part of the original agreement. But the other side of the 2 yes 1 no is that she can't move in her cousin without your ok, so no sister =/= yes cousin.

InterminableSnowman - NTA. You're not even straight up telling her no. You're saying that if she makes this decision, she has to face the consequences. What did she think would happen otherwise? That you'd somehow talk your family down and convince them that she made the right choice?

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Chi_Law - YTA, I think the sub is missing the forest for the trees on this one. Neither you nor your wife are inherently an AH for wanting your sister to stay indefinitely, vs wanting her to move on so you can rent to your wife's cousin. If you were just disagreeing this would be a N.A.H. situation. What makes this a YTA is the way you're just dictating to your wife and dragging her through the mud for not falling in line.

If your wife were acting similarly lousy to you this would be E.S.H. but your post has no mention of that aside from some hesitation to tell you the reason she wants your sister to find her own place. Apologize to your wife for being an AH and sit down and work through your perfectly legitimate disagreement like adults who care about each other.

Plus-Kaleidoscope900 - Going against the grain but ESH (except Amy) While it’s admirable the way you support your sister and although your wife initially agreed with you, I don’t believe either of you factored in housing your sister for free over a 12 months as a global pandemic raged on.

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It really should be an agreement you both discuss frequently and you were in the wrong for saying “yah well if you kick my sister out I’m going to resent you and also my parents will too and I won’t defend you from their resentment.” What happened if your wife simply had enough of Amy being in your space? Would you have still had a similar response?

Why can you provide seemingly endless support for Amy (to be fair it sounds like she’s a really good egg) but when Lea wants to support her family you get huffy? That’s not a fair standard to have. As for your wife, sucks that she wasn’t upfront and honest with you about why she wanted Amy to leave. Seriously tho I just think you need to talk it out and be honest with each other. I’m empathetic to both Aholes in this situation.

Janeite84 - I’m going against the grain but NAH. I am a very private person and wouldn’t want someone in my house, in my kitchen, bathroom, etc. Not even to help because I would rather do my dishes in peace and quiet than have another person living here (other than my husband and kids). Maybe your wife is tired of someone in her space and would rather do the work herself?

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Maybe she has already talked to the cousin and this will be a situation where cousin works a lot and won’t be at the house very much. I mean, you definitely need to talk this out but there are some very unfair assumptions against the wife on here. However, I would say if wife had been content and she suddenly wants the sister out, maybe there is something you don’t know. Just talk to her.

These hot opinions light up Reddit, but do they nail the truth? Is Lea chasing coins over kinship, or is our brother blind to her side?

This tangled tale of family, favors, and firm stances leaves us wondering: where’s the line between loyalty to kin and unity with a spouse? Amy’s chore marathon clashes with Lea’s rent dreams, while our husband stands guard, risking a frosty fallout. No clear villains here—just a messy mix of love, duty, and dollars. Can open talk untangle this knot, or will pride pull them apart? What would you do if your home became a battleground for family ties? Share your thoughts, feelings, or epic experiences below—let’s stir this pot!

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