AITA for not going to family events because I never get a fair vote on what we do?

Imagine a family reunion where the clink of wine glasses fills the air, but one sibling stands on the sidelines, feeling like a guest at his own gathering. For a 24-year-old man, family events have long been a one-sided affair, with his three sisters steamrolling his ideas to pick activities like wine tasting that leave him cold. Tired of being outvoted and sidelined, he’s drawn a line: no more paying for plans he doesn’t enjoy.

This tale of family dynamics and unspoken frustrations unfolds as he skips a wine-tasting outing, sparking a heated argument with his sisters. Reddit’s chiming in with fiery takes, but is he wrong for demanding a fair say? Step into this drama where sibling bonds tangle with the quest for fairness, and the taste of compromise feels long overdue.

‘AITA for not going to family events because I never get a fair vote on what we do?’

I(24M) have 3 sisters. We always did what they wanted to do growing up. They were in the majority but it never really bothered me. I would just stay home when they went out. I finally moved out about 2 years ago.

Covid came and we haven't seen each other in a long time. They were all planning on meeting up when restrictions lighten up. We all threw ideas on what to do, but all my ideas were shot down.

They finally agreed on a wine tasting restaurant? It's basically a place where you just taste wine. I don't like Wine and tried to choose a different place. I was shot down because we all voted on it.

I told them im not paying for something I don't want to do. I would skip this one but I would go to the next family outing if we all agreed on it. They didn't take this lightly and started an argument about me being an a**hole for always skipping events and never going with the family. I tried to tell them to choose something we can all do and not something you guys want to do.

At this point I'm done talking about it. I just stopped responding to them about it. Now I'm having second thoughts on if I should just go.. Am I the a**hole for almost never going to family events and skipping this one as well?

Family gatherings should spark joy, not resentment, but this brother’s stuck in a loop where his voice gets drowned out by a sisterly majority. Choosing wine tasting—an activity he dislikes—over his suggestions shows a lack of compromise, and his decision to skip the event is a stand for fairness. Let’s dive deeper with some expert insight.

Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, writes in The Relationship Cure that “fairness in family decisions fosters connection, while dismissal breeds resentment” (The Gottman Institute). The sisters’ insistence on majority rule ignores the OP’s feelings, echoing a childhood pattern where he was perpetually outvoted. Gottman’s research suggests that families thrive when everyone’s input is valued, not just the loudest voices.

This scenario reflects broader issues of sibling dynamics. A 2020 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 32% of adult siblings report feeling sidelined in family decisions, often leading to disengagement, as seen with the OP. His sisters’ pushback—calling him out for skipping events—misses the root issue: their refusal to compromise.

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For the OP, proposing a rotating choice system, as some Redditors suggested, could balance things out. He might invite his sisters to a neutral activity, like a game night, emphasizing inclusion. Openly discussing his feelings of being ignored can also shift the dynamic. His stand is valid, and fostering mutual respect will strengthen family ties moving forward.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, tossing out opinions like confetti at a family feud. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA, that's like me getting upset my vegetarian mother doesn't want to join us to a BBQ restaurant where only the corn is meat-free. Imagine all the fun you'd have had, sitting there with a glass of water and watching your family drink and talk only about wine! How dare you not join them :)

ColeDelRio − Majority rules is fine if youre a child and not paying but as an adult? You shouldn't have to pay to go do something you have absolutely no interest in doing. (I don't drink so I would never do this even if the point is to taste and spit it out.) Gonna go with NTA because they decided to berate you for simply not wanting to go and trying to use the 'but faaaamily' excuse.

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baggleboots − NTA - They specifically chose something you don't like, and then berated you because you don't want to pay money to do it. Seems really unfair. If I were you, and you really want to see them but always get outvoted, maybe plan something you want to do and don't give them a choice.

Just say 'Hey, I'd really like to spend some time together, I've planned a game night at my place on this day. Hope you can make it. If the date doesn't work for everyone, let's figure out a better day' If they argue about what you've planned, just say,

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'That's fine, you don't have to come, I just wanted to plan something I like for a change, and I really wanted to see you'. If they don't come, or they pitch a fit, then I'd stop trying.. ​. Omg, thank you for the award!!!!! <3

ckbruinfan − NTA. Its unfair that they vote instead of having you take turns. Tell them that you feel like you never get to pick a place, and how they never take into consideration your choices.

JudgeJed100 − NTA - you have literally spent your whole life either having to do what they want or stay home You only go to a wine tasting restaurant, or any a**oholic place, if everyone in the group likes that kind of alcohol

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e-elegia − NTA. You're adults and there's only four of you. It can't be that hard to simply find things that everyone is down with. They refused to compromise and find an activity that you could participate in. You're under no obligation to pay to go somewhere and just watch your family taste wine.

combatwombat1192 − INFO. You're probably not the a**hole, but there's one situation where you would be so I'm just going to check.. What do they normally want to do? What do you normally want to do? If they suggest a variety of ideas, wine tasting, hiking, mountain climbing, games night, movies, art museum etc. and you turn those ideas down but keep putting forward just two ideas that everybody detests, you'd be in the wrong.

TaKiDaLo − Ugh, damn, you are giving me flashbacks to my childhood 'Everyone votes and majority wins', is great when you at least sometimes get to be in the majority. Not so much when you are 100% consistently out voted and never get a say. With these dynamics (your three sisters form one voting block vs you on your own) this should be more of a rotating/taking turns dynamic.

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ScarySuit − INFO : what are some other events/activities you don't go to?

Throwaway51276 − NTA. If you took it in turns to choose things then you would be but as it's always what they want every time then you have every right to say that you won't go.

Reddit’s got the OP’s back, cheering his push for fairness while roasting the sisters’ one-sided planning. Some suggest he take charge and plan his own event, while others see his boycott as a justified stand. But do these spicy takes capture the whole story, or are they just stirring the family pot?

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This story of a brother sidelined by his sisters’ votes reminds us that family time should feel inclusive, not like a losing battle. His refusal to join a wine-tasting outing isn’t just about skipping an event—it’s a cry for fairness. Compromise is the glue that holds families together, but what happens when it’s missing? Have you ever felt outvoted by family? Share your experiences and thoughts—how would you handle being stuck in this sibling showdown?

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