AITA for telling my daughter to read less?

In a cozy holiday home, the scent of pine and cinnamon fills the air, but tension simmers beneath the festive cheer. A mother watches her 22-year-old daughter, nose buried in yet another fantasy novel, and feels a pang of concern. This young woman, juggling a job and university studies, seems to spend every spare moment lost in fictional worlds. Her mother’s worry bubbles over—shouldn’t she focus on “productive” pursuits instead?

The situation escalates into a heated car-ride debate, leaving the daughter upset and the mother questioning herself. Reddit users weigh in, championing the daughter’s love for reading. Is this a case of parental overreach or a fair push for balance? Let’s dive into this family drama and explore the clash of perspectives.

‘AITA for telling my daughter to read less?’

My daughter is 22, she has a steady (but starter) job in her preferred field and rents her own place. I’m very proud of her and she’s always been a great kid. She’s been back home with us for a few weeks because of the holidays, and I’ve noticed she reads, a LOT.

She works from home, and whenever she has breaks at work (in between calls, etc) she reads. She reads before going to sleep. She reads on weekends. She reads on car rides. Etc. She spends pretty much all of her free time reading. She’s always loved reading, but she’s doing it too much recently.

And it’s all fiction novels not one book for her university studies (she’s a one-time dropout, trying for a second time now).. I get that it’s a hobby but it’s basically wasting her time, it’s not really gonna give her anything.. I’ve told her multiple times to waste less of her time but she always just shrugs it off.

Yesterday I was driving her somewhere and we were chatting in the car, and the topic of books came up. She started talking about some fantasy mystery novel (her favorite genre) she’s reading and how she basically read all of the good fantasy mystery novels in English she could find, so she started reading ones translated from Chinese.

I tried not to say anything at first, because she was so excited over it and I didn’t wanna ruin her excitement, but then I sorta realized I needed to intervene. I started talking to her about how she needs to read less and focus on university more. She tried to change the topic.

I pointed out that instead of reading a billion novels each week, she could take half of that time and use it to study for university, or for anything else that’s not just time thrown away (like a sport, etc). The talk escalated a bit and she got really upset, saying how reading is the only hobby she has time for these days (she used to have other hobbies, like video games, gardening, etc).

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But it just doesn’t make sense to me why she has to read so MUCH. I’m not telling her to stop reading altogether, just to read less. She kept insisting that she doesn’t spend that much time reading, she just consumes books very fast making it seem like she’s reading a lot... But honestly? That’s just an excuse.

In the end, what happened is that she’s now upset and doesn’t want to talk to me. Her dad thinks I shouldn’t be interfering in what she spends her time on as she’s an adult, but I still think she needed that wakeup call.But it’s been bothering me, maybe I was wrong and her dad was right? I don’t think so, but please give your opinions. Thank you in advance!

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This family spat highlights a classic generational clash over how to spend one’s time. The mother sees her daughter’s voracious reading as a distraction from “productive” goals, while the daughter finds solace in her books. It’s a tug-of-war between personal freedom and parental guidance, with both sides digging in.

Dr. John Duffy, a psychologist and author, notes, “Hobbies like reading can be a healthy escape, fostering creativity and emotional resilience” (Psychology Today). Here, the daughter’s reading likely serves as a stress-reliever amid her busy life. The mother’s push for “productive” hobbies like sports overlooks the cognitive benefits of reading, such as improved empathy and reduced stress, as supported by studies (Healthline).

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This situation reflects a broader issue: society often undervalues hobbies that don’t yield tangible outcomes. The mother’s concern stems from a cultural bias prioritizing measurable productivity over personal fulfillment. Yet, reading fiction enhances brain connectivity and emotional intelligence, benefits that rival physical activities.

For the mother, a gentler approach could work wonders. Instead of criticizing, she might ask about her daughter’s favorite books, fostering connection. Encouraging balance—like suggesting a study schedule alongside reading—could address her concerns without dismissing her daughter’s passion. Open dialogue, not ultimatums, is key.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as holiday eggnog! Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] − YTA how is her reading hurting you exactly?

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TheBigJDizzle − YTA - and a massive a**hole. Many parents would love to see their children or family members read more. It's a healthy, educational and fun hobby with zero impact on you. What is wrong with you? What do you want her to do, something more serious like watching TV or something?

Momma_BearE − YTA. She is a 22 year old woman, not a child. She is definitely not the only person to take up reading in earnest since the beginning of covid. It brings her joy, and serenity during a period when there is very little to be found. You invalidated her coping skills and her happiness.

SeldomSeenMe − YTA, she's reading, she's not snorting coke FFS. She has a job, she studies to go to Uni and she's supporting herself. And of course it's a starter job at 22, what did you expect her to get, a CEO position?! It sounds like she works hard and is independent, she deserves to relax and enjoy her hobby in peace, although if I were her, I would stop sharing anything personal with you.

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Trying to micro-manage her free time and being so critical and negative about her as you seemed to be in your post will only push your daughter away from you and make your relationship unnecessarily hostile.. FYI:. **Research shows that regular reading:**.  * improves brain connectivity.. * increases your vocabulary and comprehension..

* empowers you to empathize with other people.. * aids in sleep readiness.. * reduces stress.. * lowers blood pressure and heart rate.. * fights depression symptoms.. * prevents cognitive decline as you age... I honestly hope you're trolling, because it's beyond ridiculous to be so controlling and n**ty about a perfectly innocent and actually beneficial hobby.

JudgeJed100 − YTA - so she works, is going to school and manages to live on her own. Seems like her reading isn’t causing any issues in her life. The only issue is you

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Sensitive_Ad_1063 − She’s reading a book at home during the holidays. That’s...too much for you? What is it about a sport that’s not a waste of time, while reading a book is?

There’s a difference between having a conversation about focusing more on your studies, vs a conversation on why her hobby is bad. You had the “bad hobby” conversation. And her hobby isn’t bad - you just have some weird hang up on reading.. Bizarre.. YTA.

MamaFen − YTA. She reads for a hobby. Would you prefer she played video games?

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SurferJules − INFO. Why do you consider a sport to be more productive than reading? If it’s just because it’s exercise, I would like to point out that reading books is just as important for stimulating your brain, which is also needed.

jeansareformalwear − How is this even real? YTA.

RichardZangrillo − YTA, a massive a**hole. Your daughter has a very healthy hobby and truly enjoys reading her books. Instead of inviting her to try something new, your only advice is to read less. Maybe there’s a reason she likes to get lost in fantasy novels, have you even bothered asking?

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She came to you with excitement about reading and the best you could do was humor her for a short while and then promptly shut her down. It seems like you haven’t gotten over her dropping out the first time around. The problem lies with you, don’t make it about her.

These Redditors clearly love a good book and aren’t afraid to roast a parent for meddling. But are they too quick to dismiss the mother’s perspective, or is this a slam-dunk case of overreach?

This mother-daughter clash shows how good intentions can spark unintended drama. Reading, far from a waste, is a gateway to creativity and calm—yet the mother’s worry about balance isn’t entirely baseless. Striking a chord between freedom and guidance is tricky. What would you do if you were this mom or daughter? Share your thoughts—have you ever clashed over a “useless” hobby?

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