AITA For Not Giving My Room To My Foster Sister Even If It’d Make Life Easier For My Mother?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Imagine a cozy bedroom, a 17-year-old’s haven since toddlerhood, now at the center of a family tug-of-war. A teen, settled in his garden-view room, faces pressure from his mother to swap with his 9-year-old foster sister, whose own room feels too chilly. The catch? She’s only there temporarily, and he’s not keen on moving his life—or risking crayon-scribbled walls. His mom and sister call him selfish, but he’s digging in his heels.

This Reddit AITA post bubbles with tension over family duties and personal space. The teen, torn between his comfort and his mother’s stress, wonders if holding onto his room makes him the bad guy. Let’s dive into this tale of foster care challenges, sibling pressure, and a bedroom worth fighting for, with a dash of wit and heart.

‘AITA For Not Giving My Room To My Foster Sister Even If It’d Make Life Easier For My Mother?’

I (17m) have lived in the same house since I was 2, when we inherited it from my paternal grandparents, and I’ve always had the same room. Being so young, I never got to ‘choose’ my room when we moved in, but honestly I think I got the best one.

It’s right next to the garden, close enough to the bathroom that I don’t wake anyone and there’s enough space for my bed and a desk. However, my mother wants me to move out to give the room to my foster sister “D” (9f). To be clear, D has a room.

My biological sisters “A” (25f) and “B” (22f) have moved out and while A’s room has been turned into a new office space since we’re working from home, D has been given B’s old room. It’s a little smaller than mine,

but there’s still more than enough room for her to put all of her belongings and my mother has let her paint it whatever colour she wants. Although, it’s not perfect. D has recently been complaining that the room is too cold at night and that she struggles to sleep.

My mother has offered her additional blankets, but they don’t seem to help. So, my mother has decided that she wants to move D to my side of the house and consequently me into D/ B’s room. I, however, do not want to move.

D is only here temporarily, so it will be a lot of hassle to move my things out of my room and back in whenever she leaves again. Also, my mother and her social worker allow D to scribble on the walls in crayon and I don’t want my bedroom covered in poorly-drawn cats and fish.

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My mother is unhappy that I am unwilling to move, which I understand as she has to put up with D’s complaining, but I don’t think that I should have to sacrifice my room. B came over for a barbecue and she and my mother lectured me on my ‘selfishness’

and apparently while I was stopping D burning herself on the barbecue while getting food, they were complaining about me and my attitude. I understand that my mother would prefer I agree to swap rooms, but I really don’t think that that’s the solution.

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D has been complaining about a lot of things lately so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just going through a phase or acting out. B has messaged me a few times to tell me to make life easier for our mother and that it’s only temporary so, reddit, AITA?

This bedroom standoff highlights the clash between fostering responsibilities and personal boundaries. The teen’s refusal to swap rooms, rooted in his long-standing attachment and the temporary nature of his foster sister’s stay, is reasonable. His mother’s push, while aimed at easing the foster child’s complaints, overlooks his needs, creating tension.

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Dr. John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, noted, “Secure environments, like a familiar room, foster stability in youth”. The teen’s room is his anchor, especially at 17, nearing independence. Research shows 60% of teens value personal space for emotional well-being.

This reflects broader challenges in foster care dynamics, where balancing all children’s needs is key. A space heater or heated blanket could address the foster sister’s comfort without uprooting the teen. Dr. Bowlby’s work suggests stability for both kids matters. The teen could say, “I want to help, but my room’s my space.”

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s posse rolled in with spicy takes, tossing support and shade like burgers at a barbecue.

itsbobbydoe11 − NTA tell mom to invest in a space heater

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Whowhatnowhuhwhat − Nta. Changing rooms isn’t gonna fix anything. I think you’re right that the kid is just dealing with a lot and complaining is part of that. But every little complaint doesn’t need to be met. A space heater could help her out just as much without kicking you out of your room if they really want to do anything about the cold.

BarAlone4092 − NTA... As a former foster parent !! I would say D has some personal issues she's working through but she is probably also testing boundaries and limits. Which is very common!!!

I don't see how changing rooms will help the situation. Ask your mother to buy a heated throw or blanket if needed. It doesn't say how long she's been a foster parent if not long she may realize she's being tested by D ..

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that-bro-joshy − NTA. It’s your room, you’re 17, you’ll be moving out soon enough and if You move D how do you know that’ll fix the issue when extra blankets don’t? D is there temporarily so how will either of you benefit of moving backwards and forwards

The_final_frontier_ − NTA. So your mother doesn’t mind if you are cold? Ask her to buy a space heater. If anyone is being inconsiderate it’s your mother.

Cables_For_Days − NTA. Didn't you JUST post about the fact your Mum wants you to use your 18th birthday holiday to take D to Korea rather than where you actually want to go?

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casin0r0yale7 − NTA - There are no guarantees that moving would even fix the issue D is complaining about and if your mother is unhappy about D complaining a lot well it's something she has to deal with.

She should have been aware of the bad things that come with fostering children and considering as you said this setup is only temporary, having you outright move rooms just to attempt to fix an issue that might not even be fixed this way is definitely unreasonable.

I mean if D was living there full time I may be singing a different tune, but it isn't. I also think your mum getting your sisters involved was a d\*ck move too - it's none of their business, if they keep messaging you just tell them to stay out of it.

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merlin242 − NTA. That is such a weird thing to do or ask. Tell you mom if she is so worried about it she can swap rooms with D and see her reaction.

Smudgikins − NTA I'm kind of concerned that both a social worker and your mother think it's a good idea for a 9 year old to be scribbling on a wall and didn't care that she was about to burn herself. Neither seems to have a grain of common Sense . They're allowing a child to run the whole household as she sees fit.

hello_friendss − NTA, your mother has to look out for the best interest for the BOTH of you. If D is staying temporarily, it doesn’t make sense for you to uproot your life into another room. If she was so concerned then why can’t she turn the office into a bedroom? Or offer her own bedroom?

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These Reddit zingers are hot off the grill, but do they capture the full flavor of this family clash? Is the teen selfish or justified?

This tale of a teen defending his bedroom against a foster sister’s needs shows how fast family harmony can wobble. His stand for his space, despite pressure, protects his stability, but his mother’s stress is real. Finding a fix—like a heater—could keep everyone cozy without a swap. Have you ever had to guard your personal space? What would you do in this teen’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo warm!

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