AITA for making my roommate pay the full cost of a wedding cake?

The scent of fresh buttercream lingered in a small student apartment, where a 22-year-old baker meticulously crafted a wedding cake for 50 guests, her side hustle to make ends meet. With the $1000 masterpiece safely stored, she stepped out, trusting her creation was secure. But when she returned, shock hit hard—her roommate, battling an eating disorder, had devoured the entire cake in a few hours, leaving crumbs and chaos in place of her hard work.

Guilt-ridden, her roommate apologized, and the baker, with a free day, remade the cake to save the wedding. But the cost of her lost time and materials sparked a heated debate. She asked for the full $1000, seeing it as fair for the cake’s value, while her roommate offered less, citing labor and ingredients. The clash turned their shared space into a battleground of accountability and fairness.

‘AITA for making my roommate pay the full cost of a wedding cake?’

Both I (22F) and my roommate (20F) are students. I occasionally bake wedding cakes to make some extra income. What happened was that I had baked a cake for a couple two days before the wedding and had it kept at our apartment.

I had then left later in the afternoon, and when I came back, my roommate had somehow managed to eat the entire (intended to serve 50 people) cake in the span of a few hours. She's had an eating disorder for a while, but this is the first time anything like this has happened (she's never eaten any of my food before).

Normally I try to be pretty understanding, but this was obviously way over the line, and my roommate felt terrible about it. It was the first time I had left a cake out for an extended period while not home and she says she lost control.

Not an excuse and she knows that, but thankfully I was free the following day, so was able to re-make the cake largely without any issues. But it did cause me to spend an entire day that I was hoping to have off on re-making it.

My roommate was an AH for eating the cake, but this is where I want to know if IATA: I normally charge $1000 for the type of wedding cake she ate. If she had wanted me to bake a wedding cake for her I would have asked for the same price, so I think it's fair that she owes me $1000.

However my roommate says that since I was still able to make another cake and get paid for the wedding, she wanted to pay me the equivalent of $20/hour for the \~10 hours I spent remaking the cake plus replace the raw ingredients, since I had already done the initial consulting/design of the cake in advance and didn't have to redo that part.

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Part of it is the principal of the matter, and part of me probably also feels as though by charging her the full price it would help make sure something like this never happens again, but it's hard to be objective.

For the sake of my roommates privacy about the ordeal we can't ask any neutral 3rd party that we know, but decided to post here to see if we can find a consensus opinion on if I'm TA for asking her to pay full price.

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Baking a wedding cake is no small feat, and this student’s ordeal—replacing a $1000 cake after her roommate’s binge—highlights the intersection of financial loss and personal responsibility. Her demand for the full price reflects the cake’s market value, while her roommate’s lower offer focuses on labor and materials, ignoring the broader impact. The roommate’s eating disorder adds complexity, but doesn’t erase accountability.

Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein explains, “Eating disorders involve loss of control, but consequences still apply to actions impacting others” (source: Psychology Today). The roommate’s binge, while tied to her disorder, cost the baker time and potential income, as those 10 hours could’ve been used for another paid project. The baker’s $1000 demand aligns with the principle of replacing a destroyed item at its retail value, like breaking a store product.

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This situation touches on broader issues of accountability in shared living. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 30% of roommate conflicts involve financial disputes, often tied to differing values (source: APA). The roommate’s disorder warrants empathy, but her offer undervalues the baker’s lost opportunity and stress. Her condition doesn’t negate the need for restitution, especially for a professional loss.

A fair resolution might involve a compromise, such as $500–$600, covering materials, labor at a higher rate (e.g., $35/hour), and partial opportunity cost. The baker could also store cakes securely in the future, while encouraging her roommate to seek therapy for her eating disorder. Open dialogue about shared space and responsibilities could prevent future conflicts, balancing empathy with fairness in their living arrangement.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users backed the baker, agreeing she’s not wrong to demand $1000, as the roommate destroyed a product worth that amount. They emphasized that the cake’s value includes her time, skill, and lost opportunities, not just ingredients.

Many showed empathy for the roommate’s eating disorder but insisted she’s responsible for the financial impact. Some suggested a compromise to maintain their living situation, while others urged the baker to consider small claims court if the roommate refuses payment.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I think it‘s pretty clear. She took something you wanted to sell for $1000, so she has to pay you $1000. Still, if you want to remain on good terms with her I‘d accept the $20/hour for 10 hours + ingredients. Also, her having a eating disorder makes it somewhat less severe, I think.

Sorrelandroan − NTA. This is pretty cut and dry, she destroyed an item valued at 1000$, so she owes you 1000$. Those ten hours could have been spent making another 1000$ cake, or otherwise working on something profitable/enjoyable to you. But none of that matters. It's like breaking something in a store - you pay retail price, not cost.

GEoDLeto − NTA in the strictest sense since you suffered the damages and technically it was a 1000 dollar cake. However, you gotta keep in mind that if you force her to pay a 1000 dollars that she is likely going to become resentful towards you

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and if you intend on keeping on living together that is gonna become a bit awkward. Maybe there is some sort of happy medium where she pays you more than just cost but less than a 1000.. Also, INFO, I wanna see the 1000 dollar cake ☺️

ashmarie09871 − I would say NTA. I know exactly how much time and energy - both mental and physical, it takes to make a wedding cake. A cake like that sitting on the counter would be very obvious to someone that its not something that can be replaced quickly.

Frankly she is lucky you had the day off, or you would have been in hot water (or not be able to sleep trying to get it done). She is not only paying for the cake itself and raw materials, but also your time plus the unnecessary stress and anxiety you have now having to recreate it.. Im sorry, I really feel for you.

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SmartassMouth89 − NTA she ate a $1000.00 cake she doesn't get to decide how much she pays now it's gone. You had to spend more time and materials for a replacement. If she refuses to pay take her to small claims.

TheVue221 − Please tell me you’re making this up. Your roommate ate a cake that was for someone’s wedding? And a whole cake? That may be the craziest assholiest thing I’ve heard in a long time lol. Charge her whatever you want.

You’ve lost 10+ hours of your free time plus she stressed you the eff out and did the craziest most self centered thing ever and she wants to negotiate? NTA.. (Are you sure she ate it? Maybe there’s a wedding cake black market and she sold it ... lol)

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GadaboutTheGreat − NTA. I get that she has an eating disorder and some things are extremely difficult to control. However, she took something worth $1000. She should have to repay $1000. I really do feel bad for your roommate as eating disorders are so difficult to cope with. However, a mental health disorder is not an excuse to avoid consequences.

FirebirdWriter − NTA and actually may help her. You could take payments but regardless she needs serious help. Also glad you both know an ED isn't an excuse. As someone with an eating disorder? This is the moment that she needs to make a choice with. I actually want you to show her this comment. The rest is for your roommate.

This is undeniable proof there's an issue. The terrible feeling as you're eating the cake didn't go away when it was done. The feelings you're struggling with that fuel the ED, that help you not face the trauma aren't helping you not face that trauma but creating more trauma.

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Every time you concede to that demand you try to fill yourself up so you cannot feel you're hurting yourself mentally and physically. This doesn't make you a bad person but you deserve a healthy body and mind. If you knew someone else was struggling would you want this for then? Why is it okay for you?

I am writing this as someone who has Bulimia Nervosa. I have not binged or purged in 10 years. It's actually been ten years and six months. I no longer count the days. I started my ED stuff when I was about 6. I recently comprehended the moment that started and could because I built up coping skills in therapy.

It was a lot of work but you ate 1 grand in cake in a single day. Lay out everything you want or need that this covers. Look at it. Think about the cost of potential medical calamity. You deserve love and care. You deserve kindness. You need these from yourself. So get a therapist.

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Start working with them to build yourself up. I cannot give you my coping methods because our trauma defines these and is different. I can tell you with help it gets better. I enjoy eating. I enjoy a variety of foods including cookies and cakes. I also can eat just a single serving.

You can manage a recovery. You'll never be free of the disordered thinking entirely but eventually it isn't every thought. Eventually it's just a thing you ignore on the good days. I won't say it is easy but you are worth the effort.

no_good_namez − She owed you $1000 the second she took any of the cake, ruining your product and forcing you to make it again. Ten hours is a long time and she doesn’t get to negotiate your labor rate after the fact. You had other plans for your day which she forced you to abandon.

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The fact that she ate all of the cake is immaterial to the dispute between you, but speaks to her need for serious help to recover from her disorder. NTA and I would honestly consider ending your living arrangement because of this.

generic_bitch − First, NTA Second, if I destroy someone’s $1000 item, I don’t get to tell them that it’s not actually worth that much Third, I’d only accept it at like $35/40 per hr + ingredients. If you’re thinking about taking her offer, she needs to pay you adequately for the time it will take to rectify the mistake.

I understand ED’s. I’ve suffered with it for a long time. Not gonna call her an AH for slipping up, it’s never happened before, and luckily, you were able to make a new one. BUT she can’t decide what time and work is worth for you.

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Personally, I have chronic pain, and I work with my hands, constantly hunched over and bending right now. Asking me to do 2 10-hour days of intricate hand design back to back is going to cost more than $20/hr.

This tale of a devoured wedding cake reveals the tricky balance of empathy and accountability in roommate dynamics. The baker’s push for $1000 reflects her loss, while her roommate’s struggle adds nuance to the dispute. Have you ever faced a situation where personal challenges clashed with financial fairness? Share your stories below and let’s dive into navigating responsibility and understanding in shared spaces.

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