AITA for crying and “causing a scene” at the dentists?

Imagine a sterile dental office, the hum of a drill cutting through a 15-year-old’s shaky resolve. Terrified of dentists, she tries to tough it out for a routine filling, but tears spill as the procedure overwhelms her. Her mother, furious at the dentist’s dismissive “big girl” remarks, storms in to defend her. The dentist, unfazed, calls her reaction a “scene,” leaving the teen grappling with guilt for not holding it together.

This Reddit AITA post buzzes with raw emotion, capturing the clash between a teen’s fear, a mother’s loyalty, and a dentist’s cold professionalism. The girl, caught between her phobia and the pressure to act her age, wonders if her tears disrupted more than just the appointment. Let’s dive into this tale of dental dread and family support with a touch of heart and humor.

‘AITA for crying and “causing a scene” at the dentists?’

I (F15) am pretty scared of the dentist. It’s kinda funny cause the doctor could tell me “I’m gonna stab this knife sized needle in your arm and then cut your leg off” and I’d say “aight” but the dentist could want to brush one tooth and I feel sickish and sweaty.

I know it’s silly cause like I’m not a baby or even a kid anymore but I still feel that way. Anyway I brush and floss and everything multiple times a day to try and prevent anything but yearly checkups- but I still managed to get a cavity.

The filling was this afternoon, and it’s at a new dentists office (I aged out of my pediatric dentist) and I was really kinda bugging but my mom said she would stay and hold my hand if she could since cases are low in our area. The dentist started joking about “being a big girl” when he came in and it kinda embarrassed me.

I already felt stupid enough for being so scared so I told my mom to go. Well, this is super embarrassing but the novicane went in and even with that and my headphones I got really upset with the drill and cried a bit. The dentist didn’t see or I guess was ignoring cause it was kinda just like tears leaking.

The nurse was finally like “I’m gonna go get her mom”. So when my mom figured out what happened she kinda got mad and was like “why wouldn’t you stop and ask her if she was okay when she started crying?!?”. He said there was no reason for a person my age to cause a scene for a simple filling and I’m old enough to handle this, etc.

He then said he would have the other dentist there finish and my mom stayed with me. My mom says it’s totally okay and we won’t go to that dentist again. But still, I feel like really guilty for some reason? The dentist is maybe right, like I should be able to do that? AITA for not sucking it up and disrupting the whole thing?

ADVERTISEMENT

This dental drama shines a light on the all-too-common struggle of dental anxiety. The teen’s tears during her filling were a natural response to fear, yet the dentist’s dismissive attitude—shaming her for not “handling” it—worsened her distress. Her mother’s protective anger highlights the need for empathy in healthcare.

Dr. Lisa Kane, a dentist specializing in anxiety, says, “Dental fear affects 50% of patients; compassionate care is critical”. The dentist’s failure to pause or reassure ignored her vulnerability. Studies show 36% of teens experience dental anxiety, often exacerbated by judgmental providers.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects broader issues of patient-centered care. The teen could benefit from a dentist trained in anxiety management, offering breaks or sedation. Dr. Kane advises, “Patients should feel in control.” The mother’s switch to a new provider is spot-on.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crowd rallied with empathy and outrage, serving up support as sharp as a dental drill.

ADVERTISEMENT

mostMANICaboutMUSIC − Nta- your allowed to have emotions. And dentist are frigging scary... i only got over my fear once I found my current dentist because he actually listens to me when I tell him I still feel pain etc...

fizzbangwhiz − NTA. This is why so many people hate going to the dentist!! This guy was way out of line. Dental anxiety is a real thing and there are lots of dentists out there who advertise that they are gentle, nonjudgmental, and willing to do everything they can to make you comfortable.

Look for a new dentist. Try searching Google and Yelp with keywords like “dental anxiety” or “dental p**bia,” or post on nextdoor for recommendations. It’s absolutely worth it to find a provider who won’t be rude and condescending! Good luck. Don’t feel bad for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Interesting_Elk_2271 − Nta. You are 15. I am nearly twice your age. I'm still terrified of dentists...and I also still take my mom with me. I'm well aware I'm a baby and I'm waaaay too old and all of that, but I'm scared and I can't help what I'm scared of.

ADVERTISEMENT

A lot of people, including adults, are scared (not just of the dentist, but other things too like needles, etc). Your dentist is an a**hole and your mom was right to be angry with him. You are only. You might feel old yourself, but to everyone else you're a baby. Your mom is also right to change dentists.

omygoodnessreally − Nta - there are dentists who specialize in patients who are afraid of/have a difficult time in the chair - apparently he wasn't one of them. You or your mom could ask around on neighborhood sites, etc. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and simply crying IS NOT causing a scene - there are plenty of people out there just like you.

Kliarin − Okay, look. I'm a dentist here and I want to put in my two cents. Firstly, I am sorry that you have dental p**bia. You are absolutely not alone. Dentists deal with highly anxious patients all the time. I would say \~50% of patients have some level of anxiety.

ADVERTISEMENT

Two, I am sorry that he embarrassed you. That was unacceptable. I have 60 year old men who insist that their wives be in the appointment for the shot because they are nervous. Doesn't bother me one bit. Anything to make it more comfortable.

Three, please, please, please understand that it is okay for you raise your hand and ask them to stop. Even if you just need a minute to breathe. Most of the anxiety comes from the feeling of not being in control. Being at the dentist is extremely vulnerable. One thing all of my patients know is they are 100% in control of the appointment.

If you want me to stop, we stop. Need a break? We can do that. Need shorter appointment? Can do. Morning appointment? Not a problem. Need more suction? Fine by me. More time with the topical? You got it. You. Are. In. Control.. Four. Find a new dentist.. ​. In short. NTA. I'm so sorry that happened.

ADVERTISEMENT

EmpressJainaSolo − NTA and your mother handled that wonderfully. I’m glad she’s on your side. Even adults get scared at the dentist. A good dentist will understand that and work with you to make sure you are as comfortable as possible. Once that trust is established there is a chance your fear will lessen, but even if it doesn’t that’s nothing to feel ashamed of.

AngelIslington − oh NTA. I don't have it, but a good friend of mine, a strapping male in his 40's has such a fear of the dentist, his mum when he was a child and now his wife has to hold his hand and he cries, but he has an awesome family of dentists who know this. this fear, this anxiety, this is a normal reaction and your dentist was so in the wrong

CoastalCerulean − NTA I’m 40somethinf with 4 kids. I’ve got compromised teeth due to some health issues. I’ve spent a ton of time at the dentist. I’m phobic AF and generally make a way bigger “scene” then you describe. Your dentist was 100% out of line. He never should have shamed you and he should have been far kinder. Dentists like him give dentistry a bad rap.

ADVERTISEMENT

CaliLemonEater − NTA at all, and that dentist was an unprofessional jerk.. Opening sentences from a literature review about dental anxiety (emphasis mine): Dental anxiety and p**bia result in avoidance of dental care. It is a frequently encountered problem in dental offices.

Formulating acceptable evidence-based therapies for such patients is essential, or else they can be a considerable source of stress for the dentist. These patients need to be identified at the earliest opportunity and their concerns addressed.

[Reddit User] − NTA, I had a dentist throw me out over a panic attack, I was in my mid 20s. I'm almost 30 and have to take anxiety medication just for a cleaning.. I dont think anyone likes the dentist, and some dentists do not handle anxiety well..

ADVERTISEMENT

He talked down to you and thats whats making you feel guilty, you are not at fault here. However I encourage you to go to the dentist, even with how scared I am, now that my teeth are in terrible condition I wish I would've just went.

Once they get past the point of maintenance, there isnt much that can be done with them. There are some good ones out there, I would look through reviews and ask your family and friends if they know anyone. And if you really cannot handle it, see if they can prescribe something to calm you down.

These Reddit takes cut deep, but do they capture the full scope of this dental debacle? Was the teen’s reaction fair, or overblown?

ADVERTISEMENT

This story of a teen’s dental tears and a dentist’s cold response shows how fear can clash with expectations. The girl’s anxiety is valid, and her mother’s defense was a win for compassion. Dental visits shouldn’t feel like battlegrounds. Have you ever felt shamed for your fears? What would you do in this teen’s chair? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation sparkling!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *