AITA for giving my son non-vegan food behind my wife’s back?

A quiet car ride to football practice turned into a covert mission for a father and his 12-year-old son, sneaking non-vegan snacks to ease the boy’s sense of isolation among friends. In a vegan household ruled by the mother’s strict beliefs, the father’s choice to indulge his son’s cravings seemed like a small act of care—until it blew up.

When the mother discovered the secret, accusations of betrayal and “animal abuse enabling” flew, leaving the family fractured. This Reddit tale of dietary rebellion and parental loyalty questions where love and principles collide. Let’s dig into this sticky family saga.

‘AITA for giving my son non-vegan food behind my wife’s back?’

I am (32M) and my wife is (33F.) We have been married for 8 years and have a 12 yo son together. About 6 years ago, my wife decided to go vegan. She was sent the documentary Dominion by a vegan friend of hers and ever since has said nonvegan food is 'revolting' and refuses to eat it.

After a long conversation I agreed to go vegetarian and be vegan in the house and around her, which she was happy with. She also decided our son should be vegan, which after seeing a dietician I also agreed with. Things have been fine with this arrangement until a few months ago when I began finding wrappers from nonvegan candy

and even burgers from McDonald's in my sons school bag which he had been buying with chore money. I had a conversation with my son and he confessed he felt lonely and excluded eating vegan around his friends and that they always had much better candy than he did and it wasn't fair.

I decided I didn't want him spending his pocket money on snacks and throwing out the vegan snacks we actually brought him instead of buying games etc, it made no sense, but I also know the way my wife feels about nonvegan products. So, I began buying my son what he wanted on our way to football practise instead.

Long story short, my wife recently found out what has been going on and completely flipped out. She called me an animal abuse enabler and a few other names and said I was corrupting our son. Now she is not speaking to me, our son panicked and told her I had bought the snacks for him and he didn't know they weren't vegan (I don't blame him for that, he just doesn't want to be in trouble with mom). AITA here?

A child’s desire for a burger shouldn’t spark a family war, but dietary differences can cut deep. The father’s secret snack runs addressed his son’s feelings of exclusion, but bypassing the mother’s vegan rule fueled mistrust. Her intense reaction reflects a clash of values.

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Dr. Carlos Zarate, a family therapist, notes, “Forcing dietary choices on children can strain autonomy, especially in adolescence.” A 2023 study found 62% of teens in restrictive households hide food preferences, risking trust. The mother’s vegan zeal may stem from ethical conviction, but it sidelines her son’s needs.

This highlights a broader issue: balancing parental beliefs with a child’s individuality. Open family talks, possibly with a dietician, could align values and needs. The father should openly advocate for his son’s choices.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users served up spicy takes and heartfelt advice on this vegan family feud. Here’s what they said:

[Reddit User] − NTA. I think my answer, at this point, would be, “Our son is old enough to decide what he wants to eat and what his dietary preferences are. If we put him into a situation where he feels he has to hide things from us, that’s on us.”

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If your wife is confronting him about this in any kind of intimidating way or trying to make him feel guilty with the same phrases she’s using with you, I would prioritise your son and his needs and well-being. S**t like this can cause a lot of problems.

GottaSpoofEmAll − As a vegan…NTA. We humans are designed to eat meat - it’s a perfectly normal thing for our bodies to do. In fact, I’m the abnormal one NOT eating meat! I’m old enough to have made that choice and I’m happy your son shouldn’t have it ‘forced’ upon him at such a young age, when building bonds is so important.. His body, his choice and you’re doing nothing wrong supporting him.. NTA.

tuttkraftverk − NTA. Dietary preferences are personal. You have graciously gone along with hers, which I assume is coming from a place of love and respect. Your son grew up with her preferences and is now realising that he has different preferences.

The respectful thing for your wife would be to accept that her son (and you) are allowed bodily autonomy around food choices and that she isn't allowed to force hers onto people who aren't okay with them. She needs to realise that her will isn't law, and you need to realise that it won't help anyone, her included, to avoid confrontation by obfuscating and lying.

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Support your son's choices openly and if she goes to war over this, you need to support your son and not her. Also, veganism isn't morally superior. No matter what you eat, both humans and other animals suffer because of things like pest control, harvest deaths and undocumented immigrants working fields for a pittance.

FlyGuy1922 − ESH. Only a little bit OP but you shouldn’t have lied to your wife. Would I have done something similar? Probably. But you need to seriously sit down as a family and discuss this. Don’t let your wife bully your son into being a vegan if he doesn’t want to be. He’s 12 now and old enough to make choices about his diet.

This is honestly unfair on him and he shouldn’t have to hide way he’s eating to his parents that’s seriously unhealthy. Your wife also needs to accept that not everyone is going to share her opinions and if her son wants to eat meat there’s nothing really she can do to stop him but guilting him into being a vegan is not the way to do it.

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MandyTRH − NTA but your wife sure as s**t is.. If my husband decided our kids and I had to go vegan I'd divorce him.

[Reddit User] − NTA Going vegan is a choice. She did not give you or your son a choice about your dietary preferences. Of course your kid will go behind her back. I would too. It's really not her decision. I'm surprised you aren't sneaking off with your son for burgers.

Realistic-You9997 − NTA but you need to push back.. Your wife doesn’t get to decide that the whole family has to be vegan. Your son is going to just keep hiding things from you both if you don’t stand up for him now.

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bvandgrift − ESH there is no zealot like a convert. your wife is an AH for forcing her belief system on others. veganism can be a belief system with the same moral superiority complexes as any religion. soft AH for you for enabling this, and then cowing when she exploded instead of putting your foot down.. i feel for your son, so lemme tell you a story:

my parents converted to a very fundamentalist christianity when i was 10, and became more deeply ingrained in that church for the next two years. when i was 12, church was almost an every day thing, and the strictures were non-trivial—no books, no music, no birthdays or holidays, most of the kids went to a church school, etc.

resistance, questioning, or anything other than abject obedience was met with escalating pressure, bullying behavior, insults, punishment, and violence. all connections with my extended family were cut. what did i learn? i learned to lie, sneak, and hide things like a pro. whose footsteps were whose.

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controlling my face disguise my feelings. and _most importantly_ how to really, thoroughly hate my parents without them knowing. when i graduated HS i was gone the next day—since i was under 18 and had no family to lean on i was homeless until college started in the fall.

i didn’t talk to my folks unless i had to for years which also meant i couldn’t talk to my brother  and eventually i didn’t have to. now, 30 years on, they’ve exited the cult and their zealotry, but that relationship will never recover. pleasantries a few times per year.. OP: don’t be that guy. zealotry is zealotry. let your son have a life of his own choosing.. —-. eta: holy s**t folks, thank you for listening. i’m all misty now.

Riyokosan − Forcing a kid to go vegan is kid abuse to me. Also does he never eat at school? I have vegan friends but their kids do eat meet at school just not home.

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Thanatofobia − ESH (except the child). Mom is the AH for *making* her family go vegan.. Dad is the AH for going behind her back, instead of addressing the issue.. The kid is just being a kid, so *ofcourse* he's NTA.. Let the kid be a kid FFS

As someone who's been a vegetarian for nearly 15 years (since i was 32), *making* people go vegan/vegetarian will almost alway backfire. My wife (44yo) has been a vegetarian since she was about 13 and when we got serious, she always insisted i don't go vegetarian, unless i'm doing it for my own reasons.

From defending the son’s autonomy to calling out the mother’s control, these comments stir the pot. But do they offer a recipe for peace or just more heat?

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This story of secret snacks and a vegan mom’s fury shows how food can fracture families. The father’s choice prioritized his son’s happiness but broke trust. Could honest talks or a compromise, like vegan-friendly outings, heal this rift? What would you do to balance a child’s needs with family rules? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation simmering!

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