AITA for not wanting my sister to come out at my wedding?

In a whirlwind of wedding plans, a young bride-to-be finds herself at odds with her sister over a delicate matter. The engagement glow is dimmed by a tense text exchange, where the bride insists her bisexual sister come out to their family before the big day if she plans to bring a girlfriend. The sister’s frosty response leaves a chill, hinting at deeper family rifts. The wedding, a year away, already feels like a tightrope walk between love and spotlight.

This story sparkles with emotional complexity, blending wedding dreams with family secrets. The bride’s request, rooted in a desire to keep her day focused, clashes with her sister’s need for acceptance. Readers are pulled into a heartfelt debate: is it fair to set boundaries on someone’s identity at a celebration of love? It’s a tale of loyalty, assumptions, and the messy dance of family dynamics.

‘AITA for not wanting my sister to come out at my wedding?’

My fiancé Ben (20M) and I (20F) got engaged fairly recently. My sister (24F) is bisexual and it’s not too hard to guess that to be honest. She buzzed her hair and talks a lot about going to gay bars, how attractive female celebrities are, and other topics in LGBT culture.

I’m not saying those things make her bisexual, but even if she had not told me I probably would have guessed already. However she has never formally come out to my family. When I told her I was engaged, she brought up bringing a girlfriend to my wedding.

She doesn’t have a girlfriend right now, but said that by the time of the wedding she might and she would like to bring her girlfriend. I said of course the girlfriend would be invited, as long as she came out to my family before the wedding.

Call me selfish, but I’m not really interested in me and my fiancé’s wedding turning into a coming out party for my sister. I can understand that she might be worried that my family will judge her or something, but that doesn’t change my point of view.

When I told her that, she didn’t seem too happy with me (cut the conversation short quickly) and we have not spoken since. I’m a little worried that she might come out at my wedding anyway, girlfriend or no girlfriend. The wedding is still about a year away, and I want to know if it would be better just to let her do what she wants at the wedding..

Edit for some common questions and comments: 1) I am NOT going to out my sister. That is not an option as far as I’m concerned. I’d rather have her create a scene at my wedding than that, at least then I wouldn’t be the AH and everyone would see it as tacky anyway.

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2) Some people in my family probably do not realize she is bisexual. We have some relatives we only see once or twice a year, if that. 3) Some relatives of mine might care (maybe four?) but none of them are my immediate family. Fiancé’s family will not care.

4) She did not explicitly ask my to come out at the wedding. She basically said “Congrats, I knew it was coming. I hope there won’t be any drama if I bring a +1 if I have a girlfriend at that point lol!” 5) This conversation took place over text message, which was unfortunate. I wish we had discussed this in person instead but here we are.

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6) Sister and I have a rocky relationship of her in my opinion making big life events of other family members about her and this is why I jumped to the conclusion that she would not tell my family about her potential girlfriend until they showed up at the wedding.. Thank you for all the comments and advice!

This wedding drama is a delicate balance of personal boundaries and family expectations. The bride’s request for her sister to come out beforehand stems from a fear of her special day being overshadowed. Dr. Juli Slattery, a clinical psychologist, notes that “family events like weddings amplify existing tensions, especially around identity and acceptance” (Focus on the Family). The bride’s concern is valid—weddings are costly, personal milestones—but her approach risks alienating her sister.

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The sister’s bisexuality, while not a secret to the OP, is unknown to some relatives, and her casual mention of a potential girlfriend suggests she wants normalcy, not drama. A 2023 Pew Research study found that 59% of bisexual individuals fear judgment from family, which may explain her hesitation to formally come out (Pew Research). The bride’s assumption of a “coming out party” may stem from their rocky history, but it overlooks her sister’s likely desire for quiet acceptance.

Dr. Slattery advises that “open dialogue before major events can prevent misunderstandings.” The bride could initiate a gentle, in-person conversation to clarify intentions, emphasizing her support for her sister’s identity while explaining her wedding concerns. The sister should be encouraged to share her plans early, ensuring no surprises. This fosters mutual respect, keeping the wedding focused and family ties intact.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew waded in like wedding crashers, serving up a mix of empathy and sharp takes with champagne-fueled energy. It’s a lively debate over love, boundaries, and assumptions. Here’s what they said:

srslyeffedmind − NTA. People who co-opt someone else’s celebration are the worst kind of people.

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jf89alx09oz − NTA she has a whole year to think of how to do it, without taking attention to a day about you, and your soon to be wed. Weddings are expensive as hell, and it's not about her.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It’s not selfish to want to be the center of attention at YOUR OWN WEDDING. I myself am Gay and would never dare to take the center of attention away from ANYONE’s wedding by coming out.

_HappyG_ − INFO Did your sister *actually ask* to come out at your wedding? Call me selfish, but I’m not really interested in me and my fiancé’s wedding turning into a coming out party for my sister. I can understand that she might be worried that my family will judge her or something, but that doesn’t change my point of view.

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When I told her that, she didn’t seem too happy with me (cut the conversation short quickly) and we have not spoken since. Because from your post it seems like a vague assumption, when what she was *really* asking was whether you'd be accepting of a same-s** partner if that was her situation a year from now.

Most same-s** attracted people don't want to have 'the spotlight' on them when coming out, they just want to feel safe and accepted. Maybe you should both sit down and have a more comprehensive discussion to hash out expectations and remind your sister that you love her no matter who she dates.

thiccubus8 − NAH. It is your wedding and I understand the fear that she’ll get more attention because people will be distracted by the fact that your sister brought a female date, but she shouldn’t be obligated to come out on your terms or at all if she doesn’t want to. I understand her being upset about you putting her in that position.

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It doesn’t sound like she was going to make a speech about it or anything, she just wants to *be there* with her date. She should be able to date a woman without having to make some big announcement about it. “Coming out” shouldn’t be a requirement in order for LGBT people to live their lives like anyone else.

Basically it’s not your fault society is the way it is and you’re probably right that attention would be drawn away from you, but it’s not your sister’s fault either, and her feelings and viewpoint are just as valid as yours.

MyFickleMind − She's not coming out at your wedding, she's bringing a date. Maybe if people didn't make a huge deal of having to be formally told someone's gay and just except that sometimes people date the same s**, you wouldn't be worried about her taking your spotlight.

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The_Gay_Inquisition − Probably YTA. I feel like you just assumed there has to be a decisive 'I'M COMING OUT' all caps moment, when she probably has already been coming out for a while and just wanted to ask if it was okay to be herself at your wedding since other attendants might make an issue of it.. Ofc, I don't know either of you so there's some assuming in this (hence the 'probably').

notthebeeth − Wait, her “coming out” at your wedding was just asking if she could bring her girlfriend as her guest? YTA.

cryptidrose − NAH, it doesn't sound like she was trying to ask to come out at your wedding. Maybe I'm biased being gay myself but if I asked someone something along the lines of 'can I bring my girlfriend to your wedding' it would be to make sure I'm not gonna get kicked out in case other family members aren't accepting of it,

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or asking if you are OK with me bringing a same s** partner. Also: coming out directly like you asked her to can be really f**king scary when you're doing it to lots of family members at once and I don't think it's fair to assume she was trying to make a show of it at your wedding.

She very well could've just,,, wanted to bring a gf to your wedding. I'd hesitate to call you TA for not wanting a coming-out spectacle at your wedding but you're really assuming the worst here. Just talk to her jfc

booopsboops − I think some of the people in these comments might be a bit cynical. To me it doesn’t read as necessarily being attention seeking, just that the sister wants to make sure it’s ok to bring a gf to the wedding if she does get one, which might happen since she’s bi and single. Either way OP is not an a**hole for asking her to announce it before your wedding, but as an overall judgment I say NAH with the info we have

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Redditors split on this one—some cheered the bride’s right to her day, others called her out for assuming the worst of her sister. The nuance sparked a fiery discussion on LGBTQ+ acceptance versus wedding priorities. Do these comments capture the heart of the issue, or are they just stealing the bouquet?

This story twirls through the delicate balance of personal milestones and family identities. The bride’s boundary-setting, while understandable, risks misjudging her sister’s intentions, highlighting the need for open communication. Weddings amplify emotions, but so does acceptance—or the lack of it. How would you navigate a family member’s identity reveal at a major event? What would you do in this bride’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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