AITA for writing up an employee who catfished me?

In a bustling office where happy hours and team banter flow freely, a manager draws a firm line to keep their personal life private. Picture a cozy desk nook, shielded by a locked social media profile, until a new hire’s sneaky move shatters that boundary. By creating a fake account to infiltrate their boss’s private world, this employee sparked a workplace storm, leaving the manager to navigate a messy fallout with a bold decision.

The drama unfolds as colleagues pick sides, some chuckling at the “joke,” others appalled by the breach. The manager’s choice to write up the culprit has tongues wagging, raising questions about trust, professionalism, and where to draw the line. It’s a tale that hits close to home for anyone who’s ever guarded their personal space in a friendly workplace.

‘AITA for writing up an employee who catfished me?’

I'm a manager in a work environment that's rather casual where employees get close and spend a lot of time together outside of work. I'm a little traditional when it comes to employer/employee relationships so while I do participate in some activities to build morale

and camaraderie (i.e. happy hours after work, attend weddings if invited, etc.), I do not participate in social activities where things might get out of hand (i.e. going to concerts, clubbing, just going to someone's house to hang out, etc.).

This is a personal policy that I also extend to social media where I keep my profiles private and do not add or accept employees on all platforms. I just like to keep things private and don't want them to see where I spend my time, who I'm dating, etc.

Recently a new hire asked me for my account, and I kindly let her know that I like to keep things private. I thought that was it, but she went ahead and made a fake account to follow me (going as far as to post fake photos and write a fake bio to look like we went to college together).

I found out because after I accepted her, she took screenshots of my photos and shared them to other colleagues. Thankfully there wasn't anything off base on my accounts, but she did share photos of a new boyfriend I haven't introduced yet as well as photos of a new designer bag I purchased and 'jokingly' asked everyone if he was my 'sugar daddy'.

It was a huge breach of my privacy (her comments also embarrassed me), and I ended up writing her up (which is a semi-serious offense at our workplace that can lead to termination). Since then, it's caused a huge drama at work with some employees thinking I can't take a joke and that I was taking things too far while others came out to support me.

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I hate that it's split up the team. Upper management supports my decision, but some employees have mentioned that I could have just verbally warned her first and that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish. AITA?

This workplace saga is a masterclass in boundary violations dressed up as a prank. The manager set clear rules—no social media mingling with employees—yet the new hire dove headfirst into deception. Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor, emphasizes in her work on workplace dynamics that “trust is the foundation of effective teams, and violating personal boundaries undermines it” (Harvard Business Review). This employee’s catfishing wasn’t just a joke; it was a calculated breach.

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The manager’s decision to write up the employee reflects a need to protect their authority and privacy. The new hire’s actions—sharing private photos and making snide comments—crossed into harassment territory. A 2022 SHRM survey found that 76% of employees value clear workplace boundaries, yet 34% report experiencing inappropriate coworker behavior (SHRM). This incident highlights a broader issue: navigating personal privacy in casual work cultures.

Dr. Edmondson’s research suggests that clear communication of expectations prevents such conflicts. The manager’s prior refusal to share social media was a verbal warning ignored by the employee, who then escalated with premeditated deception. A refresher on workplace harassment policies, as some Redditors suggested, could realign the team’s understanding of respect.

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For resolution, the manager should maintain their stance but foster dialogue. Hosting a team meeting to reinforce boundaries—perhaps with HR support—can clarify expectations. The employee’s write-up was justified, but offering guidance on professional conduct could prevent further division. Encouraging open communication ensures a workplace where respect trumps “jokes,” keeping the team cohesive and productive.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, serving up a mix of outrage and practical advice with a side of snark. It’s like a watercooler chat gone wild, with opinions flying faster than office gossip. Here’s what they had to say:

BriefHorror − NTA that is a gross violation. She pretty much took the worry most of the general populace have and made it a reality. The blatant victim blaming by your employees also needs to be addressed preferably in a seminar where they take harassment training.

Keep an eye on those employees because it sounds like worst case scenario they would do something similar as a 'joke'.. Edit: Thank you for all the likes and awards guys! I just word vomited this out of sheer disgust.

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SnooHesitations9269 − NTA. New hire? She hasn’t built up enough cred to be able to joke with you like that and frankly, that’s not even a joke it’s weird insubordination and harassment. Fire them.

DinaFelice − NTA. That employee showed horrible professional judgement as well as engaged in behavior that could be considered harassment. It calls into question her ability to follow directions or even to understand basic professional norms.

As for those complaining that you didn't give her a verbal warning... You did! She asked for information about you and you politely warned her that was crossing a line. She then decided to not only disregard your warning,

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but to do it in a way where she didn't think she'd get caught. That's premeditation, and no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt For any staff members who are confused about this, I would suggest a refresher course on s**ual harassment.

While her behavior may not have been s**ually based, it violated a basic tenet of s**ual harassment: namely that continuing to pursue someone after they've said no is wildly inappropriate. If your staff don't understand that, you have a bigger problem on your hands

Appropriate-Public50 − NTA. Catfishing is not a joke. This employee broke a huge boundary on so many levels and invaded your privacy. As someone who works in HR, I don’t condone this craziness. As for the other employees, how would they feel if they were on the receiving end of this? They should think about that for a while

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blendedthoughts − NTA I would have fired her. You just don't do stuff like that.

aabbccbb − but some employees have mentioned that I could have just verbally warned her first and that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish.. Uh, victim-blaming, much?. What kind of a fool lies to their boss and embarrasses them in front of their colleagues?. This girl is an AH and an i**ot.. NTA

VixenNoire − NTA - She deserved to be written up, she violated your privacy, your consent, and company policy by harassing you at work. Sometimes the boss has to be the boss. Spying on your private life and reporting back to co-workers was crossing a hard boundary. I'm honestly surprised you didn't fire her.

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[Reddit User] − NTA at all. And I'm someone who routinely participates in conversations with bosses where everyone is swearing and calling each other dumb. This was a major violation of your privacy. She specifically went looking for juicy information--and at work, that means 'harmful.'

Because of the atmosphere in the office, she may have become carried away and thought more about the kudos she'd get from your coworkers than the major boundary she was crossing. But that's not your problem. She did cross a major boundary.

You keep your accounts separate for reasons you have been clear about with your coworkers so there is no confusion about what she was doing. She was catfishing you and you're her boss. Honestly, I would not worry about this. People are not idiots. Your coworkers may be too afraid to tell her she crossed a line, but everyone knows she did.

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If anyone talks about this to you again, keep your words short so they sink in. Also, the less you say, the less drama there will be for people to chew over. I would say: 'I hated to have to write someone up but she catfished me. I'm her manager. That was a huge boundary to cross in any situation, but especially at work.'

FutureJakeSantiago − …(going as far as to post fake photos and write a fake bio to look like we went to college together).. NTA. That’s creepy as hell.

toofat2serve − NT. What she did isn't a 'joke.' It was a violation of an explicit boundary, that you keep in order to allow your team to be kind of casual.. For any of your team to be on her side right now is f**king bonkers.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, slamming the employee’s antics as creepy and unprofessional. Some called for firing, others for training, but all agreed the boundary was obliterated. Do these fiery takes nail the issue, or are they just stirring the office pot?

This story lays bare the tightrope of balancing camaraderie and professionalism in today’s workplaces. The manager’s firm stance protected their privacy but sparked a team divide, showing how quickly trust can fray. With clear boundaries and open dialogue, such dramas can be avoided. Have you ever faced a workplace boundary breach? What would you do in this manager’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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