AITA For Not Begging Dad to Fund Sister’s Dream School, Staying Loyal?

Years after a messy divorce, a devoted dad pours his heart and resources into his daughter, the 18-year-old at the center of this tale, ensuring her comfort through tough times. When DNA tests at 14 revealed her and her twin sister weren’t his biologically, he still claimed them as his own, but the sister chose mom and bio dad, leaving him behind. He rebuilt, landing a stellar job, and padded his daughter’s college fund for their dream school—a pricey prize within reach.

Now, as college looms, mom calls, stunned by the plan, and demands dad boost the sister’s fund too, admitting she dipped into it. Sister and bio dad pile on, urging our heroine to sway dad or share her fund. Caught between loyalty to the dad who stood by her and a twin’s shared dream, she’s torn. Was standing firm a selfish move? Let’s unpack this family fray!

‘AITA For Not Begging Dad to Fund Sister’s Dream School, Staying Loyal?’

Okay, so my parents got divorced when I was 14 when it turned out me and my twin sister were not my dad's bio children. Dad found mom cheating again with bio dad and she confessed to it in a fit of rage. We had dna tests done. Dad assured us that it didn't change anything and we were still his daughters. My sister had different ideas. She went to live with mom and bio dad.

I feel this was it for dad and he went through a rough phase during that time and lost his job. He used up all his savings to keep me comfortable and his own therapy. My mom somehow realized this and said she wanted control of my sister's college fund and I still remember her exact words when she left our house, 'Enjoy it while it lasts, you'll come crying to me when he makes you homeless'.

Well, dad got an extremely well paying job a few months after that. We have been more than comfortable since and dad has added a substantialamountof money to my college fund. I did meet my mother and sister a few times after that but mom didn't want my bad influence on her so we were low contact so she didn't knowthe exact amount of moneyhe was making.

Now it's time for college and mom called me yesterday asking me which university I'll be going to. I told her about my dream school and a few others, all admittedly expensive. She was silent for a few moments before she said she needed to go and hung up. Well, she called my dad. She demanded to know how he was paying for it because even the original sum of college fund wasn't enough for those universities.

On learning the reason, she demanded he add the required amount of money to my sister's college fund and a bit more because she had used up 10% of it, on what she refused to say. My dad refused. My mother called me back saying I was depriving my sister of a good college life. My bio dad and sister have also messaged me saying the same.What my sister said hit hard.

We both had discussed going to the same university which is the dream school I'm talking about. We thought at the time we couldn't afford it and now I can and she can't. She says if I ask dad to do it he will and he probably will but I feel like that's emotional manipulation. She also said I should give up a bit of my fund so both of us could atleast have an equal amount but I feel like that would be betraying my dad.. AITA?

Info : My parents had 50/50 custody of me and my sister but my sister didn't want to meet dad since she wanted to bond with her 'real' dad. My dad did try to reach out to her, sat her down and asked her if anyone was pressuring her but she was adamant so he had to back off. My mom said I had betrayed her but didn't force me to visit and bio dad never had a conversation with me.

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A divorce and DNA twist turned this family upside down, and now college plans fuel the fire. Our steadfast daughter stuck with the dad who raised her, weathering his struggles until his new job secured her dream school. Her twin sister, aligned with mom and bio dad, now faces a shortfall—mom used 10% of her fund and wants dad to bridge the gap. He refused, and the daughter’s caught in a tug-of-war, pressured to plead his case.

This echoes a broader issue: navigating family ties and fairness after betrayal. A 2020 U.S. Census report notes 10.6 million kids live in blended families, often facing uneven support. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, wrote in a 2022 Psychology Today piece, “Post-divorce, loyalty binds kids to one parent, and financial splits get messy when trust’s broken.”

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Dr. Papernow’s wisdom applies—dad’s bond with his daughter grew through loyalty; the sister’s choice to walk away shifted responsibilities. Mom and bio dad, not him, own her fund’s fate. A fair fix: sister explores scholarships, loans, or affordable schools. The daughter’s wise to avoid guilting dad—protecting their bond honors his sacrifice. She can support sister by sharing aid tips, keeping peace without betrayal.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit jumped in with bold, cheeky takes, and we’ve stacked the best for you—sharp and ready to slice through this family fuss! Here are the top community thoughts:

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switchondem − NTA, they made their choice and are mad now yours has worked out better. If I were you I'd show everything they've sent to your dad and let him make his own decision.. Definitely don't give up any of your college fund.

vandajoy − NTA I’m so sorry some of the adults in your life failed you and so glad your non biological father has stepped up and been an adult anyway. Your college fund is your own and you are being manipulated

TheGingerCynic − NTA Your mom is especially an ass for not trying to maintain a good relationship with you, and for saying you betrayed her. You're not the one who cheated on your dad. Your sister is upset, but she also went off on your dad and refused to see him. Your dad went through tough times and is doing better, so he's been able to pay into your college fund a bit more.

He doesn't even have access to your sisters fund, and her mom has dipped into it. You and your dad sound okay, but your mom, sister and her dad are being abusive. You should share the messages with your dad, bit also make sure you tell him that they're being unreasonable. Whether your dad pays more into your sister's fund here is irrelevant, it would be kind, but he's not an AH to not do it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your sister made her choice.. There are consequences to actions and now she is reaping what was sown. You might be twins but IMO your dad is not her dad. She chose bio-dad and now wants your dad to be 'bank dad'. She didn't want to know, and I'm guessing she still doesn't want to know him just his bank account.

And Do not give up part of your fund for her. Equal doesn't exist when it comes to this, just like 'fair' is a non contender.. ​ your sister should be demanding to know what mom spent her college fund on- and if the fund is specifically in her name as a fund. sue mom for the money

GrassTerrible5262 − NTA - I think. LEGALLY I have no clue what your father is responsible for. But it SOUNS like when you and your twin split between the house holds, your mother obtains (by her own demand) control of your sister's college fund and your father maintained control of yours. So if I got that corrrect (and do correct me if I am wrong), he should have no legal obligation.

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1. At the age of 14 you and your sister have made choices regarding who goes where and why. You chose your dad, she chose the bio dad.. 2. Your mother demanded control of her fund and took over responsibility for it.. 3. You stuck wiht your Dad, he was fortunate enough to prosper financially, your college fund grew.. 4. Your mother paid out 10% of your sisters fund for until now unspecified expenses. (red flag).

5. Now sister and mom are realizing that you're set. They are not. So now they demand money of the man your sister walked away from as a paternal figure. 6. Your dad wanted to keep you both, despite not owing your anything, you chose to return the affection, your sister picked differently. 7. Your sister made a choice that hurt him, and from the sound of it, that eventually lead to him no longer feeling a moral obligation to provide for her.

8. Now you are being asked to emotionally blackmail him because something no one wants to explain happened to your sister's fund and because BioDad and mom did not manage to increase the fund.. 9. The only reason you seem to be considering complying is, you feel bad for your sister.. Provided that my summary is accurate, here´s the conclusion.

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A. You don´t actually owe your sister help and you have nothing to feel guilty for. You each made choices and as per your edit, your Dad gave your sister plenty of opportunities to reach out and become part of his life (or remain). He was not trying to take her away from your bio Dad, he offered to remain a second father figure.

She repeatedly declined. Now at age 14 you can already make life-impacting decisions, and in her case she maintained her choice against your Dad till the college fund thing came up. So ... she´s made a choice that impacted her future and your father's happiness... and that is not on you.

B Do you WANT to be at the same college with her? (Your post is generally fairly low on info regarding how solid your relationship has remained through it all). Are your grades at the same level, are you still close? Or is it Nostalgia (only you can answer that). Her wishes are insignificant in this matter, if you want her there, have an honest conversation with your father. If you don't, also have an honest conversation with your father.

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C Ask yourself this: Had the situation been reversed, would your mother have given you part of your sister's fund in order to even things out? D Does your father deserve to be forced to pay for a daughter who is neither his nor wants him? E There are other ways to pay for college. If it is your sister's dream school, provided she gets in, there are ways, especially since she has a starting fund still.. I hope something here can help you.

GB_0-0 − NTA… your mother and your bio dad are responsible for paying your sister’s college tuition, not anyone else. When your sister decided to follow your mom and your mom decided that they would be better off with bio dad, that’s when responsibility shifted.

I think your dad has been through enough and he shouldn’t bear the burden of being financially responsible for anyone other than you and him. And asking him to do so when, based on what you described, your mother did everything in her power to keep you both away, would be extremely inconsiderate of you.

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Student loans are available for a reason, your mother, bio dad and sister should look into that option. Your mother has no shame, first she cheats and gets pregnant, lies for 14 years, leaves your dad, and then expects him to pay for the education of kids that are not his…. Shameless and manipulative.

Does she also expect him to put down a down payment when your sister buys a house? Pay for the wedding? What’s the point of living and having a bio dad if he’s not doing the things a dad is suppose to do?. Your dad is such a good person, don’t let your mom or sister continue to manipulate him!

gringaellie − NTA she rejected him and therefore his money too. She made her bed, she can now sleep in a cheaper college dorm.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, frankly none of this is your business and shame on your mother for triangulating and dragging you into this.. She sounds like a real peach.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are wise in staying out of it. I'm sorry this has added a strain to your relationship to your sibling, but she has to realize that you can't cut people out of your life and then expect them to support you above and beyond what was intended.

It's a hard lesson to learn at a young age, but she doesn't even want a relationship with the guy, she wants you to do an end run around him and get his money. You are doing fine and *enjoy your college*!

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DisgruntledPelican54 − NTA. Your sister walked out on the father who raised her for 14 years and now she’s only coming back to gouge him for money. You and your Dad do not owe her a cent. If she can’t afford her dream college then she can either apply to scholarships,

take out a loan, get employment, or choose a more affordable college. Well it is frustrating that finances can limit which college a person can go to, she made her choices. Go to your dream school and do what’s best for you and your Dad, not the people who literally walked out on y’all.

These are fiery Reddit views, but do they nail the story? Is the daughter right to shield dad, or should she nudge him for sister’s sake? This drama’s thicker than a dorm mattress.

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This college fund clash weaves a knot of loyalty, choices, and family fallout. Our daughter clings to the dad who weathered storms for her, while mom and sister lean hard, craving the same dream school shot. It’s a messy mix—dad’s not bound to fund a daughter who left, yet guilt stings. Clear talk might’ve eased this, but lines are drawn. What would you do if your twin pushed you to split your fund? Would you guard your dad’s gift or bend? Toss your thoughts, feelings, and family tales below—let’s untangle this together!

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