AITA for ruining my stepmother’s Mother’s Day because she decided to read a letter I wrote to her as part of family therapy on Mother’s Day?

In the tense air of a family therapy session, a 17-year-old girl, grieving her mother’s overdose death a decade ago, was coerced into writing a letter to her stepmother about their strained bond. Tasked to express her raw feelings, she detailed her resentment over her stepmother’s disparaging remarks about her late mom and her unwanted maternal role.

When the stepmother chose Mother’s Day to read it, the truth hit like a storm, unleashing accusations of spite and a ruined holiday. This Reddit tale weaves a gripping story of grief, forced family ties, and unfiltered honesty, where therapy’s intent collides with emotional fallout. Let’s dive into this family drama and explore what it reveals about respect and healing.

‘AITA for ruining my stepmother’s Mother’s Day because she decided to read a letter I wrote to her as part of family therapy on Mother’s Day?’

My dad, my stepmother and I (17F) are in family therapy together. It's been like a year now if not a little longer than that. My dad wanted my siblings (19M and 22F) to join us but they both refused. So for the last 18 months of me being a minor he's making me do therapy with him and his wife so that they can try to change things between her and me if he can't get us all willing.

But I'm not willing. I go because I'm forced to. My mom OD'd on prescription pain meds when I was 6. She'd had chronic health issues for a while and was in a lot of pain. The assumption is that it was accidental but me and my siblings wonder if she couldn't take it anymore. We'll never know.

Our parents were divorced at the time mom died. We actually saw dad one weekend a month only. Dad was already dating his wife. After mom died it was a rough transition to being with dad. I wasn't used to seeing him often. Only my sister really remembered dad being around more.

For the next two years there was just a lot of s**t that happened. Dad gave us about 6 months to adjust to the changes in our lives before he moved his wife in. They weren't married at that time but they were planning to get married. Once she moved in she didn't even try to hide her looking down on mom.

She didn't like that we had a relationship with mom's family. She acted like mom was some awful person. It sucked. She tried to be super loving to us but me and my siblings wanted her to go away. The way she talked about mom didn't just make us hesitant to give her a chance but none of us wanted to.

The more she tried to take on the role of our new mom, the more we resisted and the more there were issues all around. The day they got married was a shitshow from start to finish. My sister went to a friends house without telling anyone and avoided the whole thing. My refused to talk to dad or his wife.

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I went around to different family members asking them to bring me somewhere else. I actually made my stepmother cry because I kept saying I didn't want to be there and I didn't want her. My stepmother's mom died the day of the wedding too. So the wedding was cut short and she was grieving and my dad was mad when he found out where my sister was.

Then my brother and sister told her that she knew what losing a mom was like and she'd be even more a monster to s**t all over ours. They also threatened to s**t talk her mom. But they said they'd give it six months to be fair. When things had settled after the wedding she went full swing into trying to win our love.

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She didn't entirely cut out the talking bad about our mom but I think she tried? I don't see that being enough to make her a good stepparent but I think she did try hoping it would win us around. When my sister graduated she made a big deal out of excluding dad's wife from her graduation.

It was all online so she couldn't stop her watching from dad's phone. But they had a page where the graduates names were with their family members mentioned and she didn't put her on it. And they had a page of graduate thank you's posted unofficially and she didn't thank her. Now she won't talk to her.

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She lives out of state and she blocked our stepmother's number and hangs up if our stepmother calls on dad's phone. My brother didn't let dad come to his graduation because he was worried dad would give his ticket to our stepmother. He got a ticket for me and our older sister and our three living grandparents. And he didn't mention our stepmother in any of the stuff either.

It was after my brother graduated that my dad started talking about therapy but it took months and months for us to start. I think some of it was waiting lists and the other part was my dad trying to talk my siblings into joining. We've spent months of this therapy talking about how my dad and his wife want us to be a closer family.

How they want me (and my siblings) to appreciate her and to show her some love and appreciation. The therapist has asked questions about what we all want, what we feel, has given homework on things to think about. She's done solo stuff with each of us. But something she noticed is how they ignore or don't really take into account the stuff I say.

So she suggested I write my stepmother a letter telling her how I feel about her, our relationship, what I want and don't want and stuff like that. I wrote it two weeks ago. Gave it to her last week and she read it through. Said it was fine. Then she gave it to my stepmother at a group session and asked her to read it in the next two weeks.

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That was last Tuesday and she waited until yesterday to read it. First thing Mother's Day morning she read the letter and she was upset and angry and it made my dad angry and I was accused of ruining her Mother's Day and doing it out of spite and treating her like s**t and crapping all over her.

In the letter I told her I didn't love her and did not want to fix the relationship between us. I called her on the way she talks about mom, the way she attempted to come between us and mom's family, the way she constantly brought up in therapy the fact that my mom OD'd to say she didn't care about me and my siblings and that even if she did,

mom was less of a mom than she was because she's been active in our lives longer than mom was. I said there was nothing she could do to make me change my mind. And I mentioned that I never wanted to be in therapy with her and dad in the first place and I simply had no choice.

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It upset her and yesterday I had the two of them on me. I was so glad when it was time for me to go to work. Dad left for work an hour ago and he woke me up to tell me I better fix things by the end of today or there'd be consequences. So now I'm awake and I decided to post this to find out from people who don't know us if I'm TA.

This Mother’s Day clash exposes the harm of forcing relationships on grieving children. The teen’s letter, prompted by therapy, was an honest reflection of her pain, rooted in her stepmother’s insensitive comments about her late mother and her overbearing attempts to replace her. The stepmother’s choice to read it on Mother’s Day—knowing their strained bond—seems manipulative, casting herself as a victim.

Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow notes in Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships, “Pushing stepchildren to accept a new parental figure often backfires, deepening resistance.” Studies show 70% of stepfamily conflicts arise from unclear roles, especially when a deceased parent’s memory is disrespected. The dad’s threats of “consequences” further erode trust.

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The teen’s honesty was appropriate; the adults mishandled the outcome. She should share this with the therapist, who can mediate and address the stepmother’s timing. The parents need to respect her boundaries and grief.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit erupted like a family argument at a holiday table—imagine a therapy room buzzing with takes! Most backed the teen, slamming the stepmother’s timing and the dad’s threats.

Special_Lychee_6847 − *'I'm sorry you felt hurt by my letter, dad's wife. It's unfortunate that you put off reading it until mother's day, too. It sure would've been nice, had it been a declaration of love. But if it had been, there would've been no need to strongarm me into therapy, would there? I'm sorry I can't fulfill your hopes and expectations of our relationship.

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I'm sorry if dad made promises about how things and relationships would be, when you both decided to marry. But my feelings have never, ever been taken into account. If they had, I'm sure the disappointment and hurt wouldn't have been so much for you. Sorry again for the bad timing of you reading my letter.

Had I have known you were expecting it to be some mother's day gift, I could have insisted you read it as soon as it was given to you, and not hold out hopes and wait untill mother's day. Like you can't magically change your feelings, neither can I.'*. There... an 'apology'.. Fixed it for you.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 − NTA. Can't force relationships on children, even with therapy.

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HauntingReaction6124 − I hope you do realize this was a set up. She was told by the therapist she had a set time to read it. So choosing mother's day was her way of sending a message to your dad how she is the victim because she knew you would write some truths that they dont want to acknowledge.

As for your dad threatening consequences...he wanted the therapy. You were doing what the therapist wanted. So basically he is emotionally abusing you with threats over something he pushed for. You need to tell your therapist this and start documenting things (writing down things they say or do, screenshots of any texts that seem punishing to you etc.)

and keep them in a safe place or with a safe person. I do not understand why your father is so determine to isolate himself from his children by his actions. How old is your stepmother and have they ever talked about having children?

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donname10 − Nta. But if i were you I'd muted the dad and go on with the day as if nothing happened. Don't even acknowledge the wife or the dad. Petty yes. There's nothing you can do until you're legally able to leave. Also, there's nothing your dad can do to you. All he can do is bark around. Thats all. Muted him then you're good

chasingkaty − NTA. She’s the i**ot who read the letter on Mother’s Day, in the full knowledge that you guys don’t have a good relationship. She did it to get your dad on your ass for “ruining the day”. They forced you into therapy, you showed up and did the work. They just don’t like the truth of it.. I wish you luck and a speedy exit when you are 18.

Immediate-Grass9568 − NTA, you never asked for her to be present in your life, to force her 'love' onto you. She sounds like a narcissistic person who tries to guilt trip a minor into relationship they dont want. If im about to guess she wanted a kid and your dad had three already and didnt wanted any more children so now she tries to make you her child even tho you had a mom you remember and love even tho she passed away.

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fly1away − You need to tell the therapist everything you have just told us about their behaviour around the letter. NTA. Good luck.

Tricky_Direction_897 − NTA. Tell the therapist that Dad is threatening you to act in a way you’re not comfortable with.

SoBoredsoHereIaM − The father is about to lose another child... i hope your siblings are giving you some support

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No_Cockroach4248 − NTA, your dad and his wife are though for trying to bully you, through a therapist, into a relationship as defined by your dad’s wife. What your dad’s wife said about your mom was cruel. Can you move in with your maternal grandparents? I would make plans to move out as soon as you turn 18.

But do these Reddit voices capture the full story, or just amplify the drama?

This therapy letter saga blends raw grief with family pressure, where a teen’s truth shattered a stepmother’s Mother’s Day. Her words were honest, but was the fallout her fault? Forced bonds rarely heal wounds, especially when grief lingers. What would you do in this tangled family web? Share your thoughts—have you faced a clash over a step-parent’s role?

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