AITA for not giving my estranged stepdaughter my lotto winnings?

Imagine the thrill of a lottery win—dreams of a new home, debt-free days, and a brighter future. Now picture a ghost from the past, a stepdaughter absent for nine years, texting out of the blue to claim a slice of that fortune. In a modest kitchen, bathed in the glow of a single bulb, a man grapples with resentment from a costly custody battle and a stepdaughter’s lies that upended his life. His refusal to share sparks a family firestorm, leaving readers to ponder: is he guarding his family’s future or clinging to old grudges?

The stakes are high—his winnings could secure his children’s education, but his stepdaughter’s bold demand reopens old wounds. His significant other wavers, torn between guilt and fairness, while family members call him heartless. This Reddit tale dives into a messy mix of loyalty, betrayal, and cold hard cash.

‘AITA for not giving my estranged stepdaughter my lotto winnings?’

My stepdaughter(SD) is 22. My SO (significant other) and I haven't seen SD in 9 years. When she was 11 she made up stuff about me and my SO. We knew her Mom was behind this because we had 50/50 custody, but had been paying her child support like we only had SD EOWE.

After we had a few kids SO applied and she had to end up paying him child support. Fighting the accusations and custody battles cost almost 6 figures in legal fees over the next 2 years and I had to end up selling my house(which was my great grandparents).

Selling my house meant I wasnt able to care for my ailing father and had we not proved the accusations false it could have resulted in us losing our children. At a therapy appointment SD told my SO she would keep telling lies if he kept trying to take her from her Mom, so he said ok contact him when she wants to have a relationship.

The Mom got what she wanted- child support until SD was 18. We were all devestated. SO sent her bday and Xmas presents, cards and texts but they moved and we didn't know where and changed their numbers.

Fast forward to now, 5 months ago I won the lotto (SO and I aren't married and have separate finances due to him being bad with money and me entering the relationship with more assets and then having to sell my house for SD) but I still take SOs feelings into consideration with money.

The money was a significant sum, but not rolling in money. Enough to put a good deposit on a house, deposits on cars, pay off debts and put money into the kids education, but still have mortgage, car payments and bills.

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It's enough to set us up for life, as long as we still work full time. If we're smart with it, we might be able to retire early. We hadn't heard from SD or Mom in 9 years apart from a message when a child support payment was 2 days late because SO changed jobs.

A week ago SD reached out to SO over text, a couple of plesentary texts and then she said she heard we won lotto and was surprised we hadn't contacted her yet to help provide for her. After a bit of awkward stepping around the topic, she brought it back up that she expects a deposit for a house for her and her Mom.

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I've said absolutely not. Not only would that be as much or more than what our own kids would get, but I've already wasted a whole house on her and almost lost my kids and life. I don't want to give her a cent and I want nothing to do with her. I admit I still resent her and everything I had to sacrifice for her lies.

My SO agrees a house deposit is out of the question, but his Mom and sister got angry at him now thinks maybe we should give her a little bit. It wouldn't break the bank, but why would I give someone I don't like money when it could be used on my family and those I love.. My SOs Mom and Sister are saying I'm an a**hole for not giving my estranged SD money, so AITA?

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This lottery win turned family drama highlights the thorny issue of estrangement and financial boundaries. The stepdaughter’s reappearance after nine years, demanding a house deposit, reeks of opportunism, especially given her past false accusations. According to Psychology Today, estrangement often stems from unresolved conflicts, and rebuilding trust requires accountability—something the stepdaughter hasn’t shown. The man’s resentment is understandable; losing a family home to legal battles leaves deep scars.

The stepdaughter’s actions at 11, likely influenced by her mother, don’t fully excuse her current entitlement. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 27% of estranged adult children reconnect only when motivated by personal gain, like money. Her sudden contact post-lotto win fits this pattern, undermining her credibility. The man’s separate finances, a prudent choice given his partner’s money habits, further justify his control over the winnings.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, states, “Reconciliation requires mutual effort, not one-sided demands” (Dr. Joshua Coleman). The stepdaughter’s failure to apologize or rebuild ties suggests her motives are financial, not familial. The man’s partner’s family pushing for a payout ignores the emotional and financial toll of the past. Giving her money risks rewarding manipulation and could strain his own family’s future.

To move forward, the man should stand firm but consider a small, symbolic gesture—like a modest gift—if his partner insists, to ease family tension without compromising his priorities. Open communication with his partner, perhaps through mediation as suggested by Family Therapy, can align their values. The focus should remain on securing their children’s future, not appeasing an unapologetic past.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t mince words, unloading a barrage of support and sharp quips. Here’s the raw scoop from the community:

Ok-Map-5091 − NTA. She wanted to say lies to stay with her mom? Perfect, you are not part of her family so you don't owe her s**t.

ArtShapiro − NTA. What??? You could better justify giving some $$$ to a stranger walking down the street than those evil folks. They're only money-grubbing leeches.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I wouldn't give her a cent. I realize she was just a kid then but she's an adult now, never apologized and ONLY reached out when she heard she the lotto. F*** her.

DaiZzedandConFuZed − NTA. SD went no contact with you only to ask for money? Yeah nope. Her direct relations are calling you an AH over it? Also nope.

First_Bumblebee_179 − NTA. Any obligation to SD was paid by your SO's child support. It sounds like she and her mom made you & your SO's life a living hell. And then after 9 years of NC, she pops up - she has some b\*lls, I'll say that! All your SO has to tell his family is that it was **your** ticket, **you** won the money and want to spend it on **your** family.. Congratulations and enjoy your winnings!

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TwistedLover8 − NTA. But y ta for selling your house for that awful spawn. You should've let her go with her mother and count your blessings.. You don't owe her anything

jimfish98 − NTA, you owe the girl and her mother nothing beyond the child support the SO is required to pay. His family can kindly p**s off as well.

Arbor_Arabicae − NTA. You absolutely do not owe that toxic person anything. Yes, she might have been manipulated and used, but that wasn't your fault or your responsibility, and it's not like she even tried to meet either you or your SO halfway.

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Maleficent-Cheek-459 − NTA. She and her mom can suck rocks. She is 22, so nobody is going to force SO to give her anything at thia point. His legal obligation is over and they have wasted any chance of goodwill, especially with only contacting because she heard you had some spare cash.

MIL and SIL can suck rocks too, if they think they can dictate what you should fo with your money. Let them buy her back into their lives, if they think she's worth it. I'd think she has already shown she's a ticking drama time bomb myself...

Zorgas − NTA. Your money not his, his kid is intentionally estranged from him and only wanted attention when money possible.. That person gets $0

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Redditors rallied behind the man, slamming the stepdaughter’s gall and her mother’s influence. Some called her a “money-grubber,” while others urged him to protect his family’s future. But do these fiery takes miss the nuance of estrangement, or are they spot-on? This saga’s got everyone talking, and the verdict’s clear: old wounds don’t justify new demands.

This tale of lottery luck and family fallout raises tough questions about forgiveness and fairness. The man’s refusal to share his winnings protects his children but stirs family discord. The stepdaughter’s bold claim, absent remorse, fuels distrust, yet some argue she deserves a chance. Balancing past pain with present wealth is no easy feat. What would you do if an estranged relative resurfaced for your windfall? Share your thoughts below!

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