AITA for not wanting to take responsibility for weed if my friend were caught by the authorities?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The air was thick with tension as two friends, sharing a quiet evening, stumbled into a conversation that would test their bond. A 23-year-old woman, cautious to a fault about her clean record, found herself blindsided by her friend’s bold request: take the fall for weed if the cops came knocking, all because of her race. The suggestion hung heavy, stirring guilt, confusion, and a nagging sense of unfairness, pulling readers into a moral maze where friendship, privilege, and personal boundaries collide.

What happens when loyalty is pitted against self-preservation? In a world where weed is decriminalized, the stakes feel lower, yet the emotional weight of this dilemma is anything but light. The woman’s hesitation sparks a broader question: how far should one go to support a friend, especially when race and privilege enter the chat? Let’s dive into her story, explore the Reddit community’s takes, and unpack the deeper issues at play.

‘AITA for not wanting to take responsibility for weed if my friend were caught by the authorities?’

Recently, I (23 white female) had a conversation with my 23-year-old black female friend, we discussed what we would do if caught by the cops with weed. While we occasionally smoke together, most of the time when we hang out, I don't even have weed on me or smoke because I'm paranoid about driving high.

Most of the time the weed is provided by another mutual friend who is also black, and they partake while I usually abstain. Don’t want to risk a DUI when I have to drive home and I hate driving high. However, my friend suggested that, because I'm white and have white privilege, I should take the blame for the weed, even if it's not mine.

According to her, it would be better for me to face the consequences since the impact on me, as a white person, would be less severe. She kinda implied and made it obvious she would think that I would be a s**tty person if I didn't automatically accept responsibility for her as a black woman.

And that I wouldn’t be using my privilege for good. And that makes me feel guilty. But this statement also caught me off guard. Until now, she had never expressed this perspective. While I understand where she's coming from, it doesn't sit right with me.

We live in a place where weed is decriminalized, meaning if we were caught, we would likely receive a misdemeanor citation without going to jail. I do acknowledge the existence of white privilege, but I often find that many issues related to race privilege are also connected to class privilege.

In this situation, she comes from a more financially privileged background, with her parents having the means to hire a lawyer if needed. On the other hand, my parents are both deceased, and I come from a disadvantaged, low-income background, lacking any support system.

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My concern is that she seems to believe the police would brutalize her and subject her to a disproportionately harsh sentence solely because she is black. I don’t want to minimize her discomfort with dealing with law enforcement as a black woman though and I genuinely do understand I have some privilege dealing with the cops she doesn’t have.

So I won’t say too much on that. But to expect me to willingly take the fall when I’m so paranoid I won’t even smoke and will stay sober just to avoid driving while high because I really value having a clean record? It feels as though she wants someone else to take the fall for any potential risks associated with the weed, just in case things go wrong.

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I'm now hesitant to attend events where she will be present. I worry that if the unlikely scenario of police involvement were to arise and they pursued her or another minority for the weed, which isn't even mine and I didn't partake in, I would be judged as a selfish r**ist for not automatically taking the blame for them.

I’d rather us all just take responsibility for our own stuff. I think she caught on to my hesitation to say I’d solely take the blame and has been kinda short with me ever since.. Ugh I can’t decide. So, AITA for feeling this way?

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Navigating a friend’s request to take the blame for something as serious as a misdemeanor can feel like walking a tightrope. The OP’s situation, where her friend leans on the concept of white privilege, highlights a complex interplay of race, responsibility, and personal boundaries. The friend’s perspective isn’t baseless—racial disparities in policing are real. According to a 2020 ACLU report, Black individuals are 3.64 times more likely to be arrested for marijuana possession than white individuals, despite similar usage rates (aclu.org).

Yet, the OP’s reluctance stems from her own vulnerabilities. Dr. Robin DiAngelo, author of White Fragility, notes, “White privilege doesn’t mean your life isn’t hard; it means your skin color isn’t making it harder” (newyorker.com). Here, the OP’s low-income background and lack of familial support complicate the narrative, as class privilege often intersects with race. Her friend’s assumption overlooks this, creating a one-size-fits-all expectation that feels unfair.

The broader issue is the pressure to sacrifice personal boundaries for perceived social justice. Friendships thrive on mutual respect, not unilateral demands. The OP’s caution about driving high shows her commitment to responsibility, which her friend’s request undermines. A balanced approach would involve open dialogue—acknowledging racial realities while respecting individual limits.

For the OP, setting boundaries is key. She could suggest a group pact to avoid risky situations, like smoking in public spaces, reducing the chance of police encounters. If tensions persist, a heart-to-heart could clarify intentions, ensuring both friends feel heard without compromising their values.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of blunt advice and sharp humor. Here’s what they had to say:

throwawaywork2124 − NTA. But here's the thing. If someone is pushing to you do something that may be illegal, driving while under the influence, then they're NOT your friend. It may be legal to possess/smoke/whatever, but DUI laws are still in effect. Again, this person is NOT your friend. You need better friends.

doublexxchrome − Lmao as a black woman, NTA. Tell her to f**k off ETA: I love how all the black women formed like Voltron to get this girl up outta here lmao. OP DO NOT let this girl possibly ruin your future over a gram of weed. This is not something the vast majority of us would even *think* to ask our white friends.

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Broad-Discipline2360 − Wholy sh#t. You don't smoke weed cause you don't want to drive high.. You don't bring the weed.. But you should take the criminal chargers because you are white?!. K.... I think I'd get new friends.. NTA

GonnaBeOverIt − NTA. This isn’t about white privilege. This is about a friend trying to lay a potential bad rap on someone else. What a s**tty friend.

[Reddit User] − You need to stop hanging out with these people. One day you are going to walk into a situation and they are going to pin a crime on you. They literally just told you they are going to make you a patsy.. I you don't want to do the time don't do the crime.

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MysticFable − NTA. This isn’t about race. Your “friends” want you to take the blame - even if it’s not yours - so they won’t get in trouble, and they’re trying to use the best argument they can think of to pressure you into agreeing.. Leave them. They aren’t your friends.

Slow-Grass3218 − NTA- if she’s so concerned about consequences in a place where weed is decriminalized, she shouldn’t be smoking outside

darculas − NTA and stop hanging out with these people, they are not your friends and seem super willing to throw you under the bus

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LotofRamen − NTA. It is not fair situation at the moment in the society but it also would not fair to you to take the blame.

Reasonable-Salad7274 − White privilege? More like she doesn’t want to be caught, so you take all the blame. Your “friend” doesn’t sound like a friend at all. NTA and lose the race-card-playing-amigo.

These are the internet’s hottest takes, but do they cut through the noise? Some see betrayal, others see manipulation—either way, the consensus leans toward protecting oneself from friends who play fast and loose with loyalty.

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This story leaves us tangled in a web of loyalty, privilege, and personal stakes. The OP’s struggle to balance her friend’s expectations with her own boundaries mirrors a universal question: where do we draw the line in friendships? Reddit’s chorus calls for self-preservation, but the nuances of race and class add layers worth pondering. What would you do if a friend asked you to take the fall for them? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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