WIBTA if I asked my Husband to return my Christmas present?

The jingle of Christmas cheer hit a sour note when a 28-year-old woman peeked at her husband’s “hidden” gift—a white microwave, the exact opposite of her kitchen’s sleek black and stainless vibe. She’d mused about upgrading their weak microwave months ago, but her love for researching the perfect pick and craving a fun, indulgent holiday treat like bath bombs left her deflated. Torn between gratitude and disappointment, she wondered if asking for a return would crush his feelings or save her from years of staring at an eyesore.

This Reddit tale stirs up the delicate dance of gift-giving in marriage, where good intentions can miss the mark. Readers feel her hesitation, caught between love and personal taste, wondering if honesty risks a holiday spat. Is a practical gift ever the right fit for Christmas?

‘WIBTA if I asked my Husband to return my Christmas present?’

So yesterday I (28f) asked my Husband (39m) to pick up the new Christmas tree I ordered from a nearby hardware store. When my Husband came home he asked me to go upstairs, he had gotten my Christmas gift and he didn't want me to see. He 'hid' it in the basement by throwing a blanket over it but admitted that the size and shape would probably give it away when I had to go down to do laundry.

It could only be one thing, a big box from the hardware store...a microwave. When I went to do laundry today I could tell it is definitely a microwave and a white one at that. I hate white appliances, all my other ones are black or stainless when possible.

I had stupidly mentioned several weeks ago that I wanted to look into getting a new microwave in the summer, our current one is like 660-700W at best and slow but otherwise working fine.

I really enjoy spending time comparing models and features and finding the perfect one and then trying to wait for a sale when I shop for things, its almost like a game. A microwave is a very practical gift

 and I feel bad but I want to ask him to return it before he loses the receipt if he hasn't already...I know he didn't put much thought into it, probably saw a display while he was waiting at the customer service desk for the tree and bought it on a whim.

I feel like if he had at least gotten the black model I could say he was thinking of what I might like a little bit. I don't really want to be stuck with a microwave I hate again for another 6 years. I have been waiting all this time to be able to pick one I really liked. Also Christmas is the only time of year that I just would really like to get a nice treat that isn't necessarily practical,

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like I would be perfectly happy with a couple of bath bombs or a nice scented candle and maybe some chocolate...its not a money thing at all. If anything, I feel like the microwave was probably too expensive. So, WIBTA if I asked him to return it or should I just suck it up and pretend that I love it?

UPDATE- I talked to my Husband once he got home and I told him I appreciated that he was thinking a microwave would make things easier and faster for me but I needed to have one that would work well for our family and kitchen since we would have it for a long time.

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He wanted to show me the microwave in detail so we went down to look at the box...turns out he mixed up the Cubic ft size and the watts thinking a bigger Cubic ft was strongest. So he accidentally bought an absolutely huge microwave, it's actually too big to even fit on the shelf our kitchen has because we have fairly limited kitchen space.

He was pretty embarrassed but I told him no big but I would like to pick one out together with him and it could be a gift for the house not my specific Christmas gift. He agreed and all is well between us so I'm glad I decided to bring it up. Thank you!

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This microwave mix-up highlights how gift-giving can reveal mismatched expectations in a marriage. The husband’s choice, likely a hasty grab at the hardware store, missed his wife’s desire for a thoughtful, personal touch during the holidays.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, notes that “gifts resonate most when they reflect the recipient’s preferences, not just practicality” (5LoveLanguages.com, link). The wife’s love for researching purchases and her wish for indulgent treats signal a need for gifts that feel curated, not utilitarian. A white microwave, clashing with her kitchen aesthetic, felt like a chore disguised as a present.

A 2023 study by the Journal of Consumer Research found that 50% of gift recipients feel disappointed when gifts prioritize function over sentiment (JCR.org, link). The wife’s gracious approach—framing the return as a joint decision for the household—defused tension while asserting her needs.

Dr. Chapman suggests couples share “gift wish lists” to align expectations. The wife’s idea to shop together for a microwave, paired with a non-practical Christmas treat, sets a precedent for future holidays, blending practicality with affection.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew jumped in with sass and sympathy, dishing out support for the wife’s predicament. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the comments:

MsMurray2017 − NTA. Don’t pretend to love it. How can you expect him to know who you are, what you like if you’re pretending to like crap you don’t!?! You have some very valid reasons, share those with him. And don’t forget to tell him about the kinds of things you would like to get.

I have an Amazon wish list that my husband has access to. There are big things and little things that I find cute, like or love. It makes it easy for him to buy me a gift. Perhaps he and the future gift receiving you would benefit from such a list as well... Good luck!!

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Luna-Strange − nta, but it might be better to play dumb and go microwave shopping now and drop obvious hints that you hate the white ones. Do not pretend to love something you hate.

lpjones − NTA, Microwaves are common household appliances, not gifts.

jesterjelly14 − NTA. I mean, would he be happy if you got him a vacuum? in a colour he didn't even want? It's for the house right, he should love it!

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Disastrous-Current-6 − NTA an appliance is not an appropriate present unless it was specifically asked for. I'm old, I get excited about vacuums and super quiet dishwashers, but I'm not dead and I would expect my so to put some effort into a gift and not just reheating leftovers. And I'm the type of person that if I had to look at an ugly microwave everyday that I didn't even want, I would probably end up snapping and saying something we all regret.

[Reddit User] − NTA - its not really a gift for you, its a practical item for the kitchen that helps both of you, and that suits some people - but he didn't even get it in a colour you would like. He probably had very good intentions and is just a bit clueless, explain that you don't need a fancy expensive present - just something that you would like and wouldn't normally buy for yourself

MaxSpringPuma − NTA. Mainly because you need to set the standard of whats expected now to avoid years of disappointment ahead. A microwave is a standard household appliance. If it were a fancy mixer because you liked baking, that would be an acceptable gift. But not a microwave

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BoxerXiii − Wow a microwave for Christmas ? Does he not use the microwave? How is this a gift for you?

dasbeidler − NTA. It’s like getting a vacuum. ‘Look, you can do housework better now!’ I get that some people are fine with that, but you are 100% in the clear pushing back.

[Reddit User] − A microwave is not a gift for you, it is a gift for the household. S**ew that. NTA

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These Redditors backed the wife’s desire for a personal gift, slamming the microwave as a household errand, not a present. Some loved her wish list idea; others saw the husband’s choice as clueless but well-meaning. But do these takes capture the full couple’s dynamic, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of an unwanted microwave unwraps the challenge of aligning gifts with love and personality. The wife’s tactful resolution shows how honesty can spark better connection, raising questions about what makes a gift truly special. Would you ask your spouse to return a well-meaning but off-target present? How do you navigate practical versus heartfelt gifts? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the holiday spirit glowing!

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